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Friday, March 05, 2004
THE FOYWONDER'S SCHLOCK REPORT FOR 3-6-04
Steven Seagal bitchslaps undersea mutants, Roger Corman has a supercroc, everybody wants to copy PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, Boll gets a writer, Alan Moore isn't happy, and some kids find a 3-headed frog! All that and more in today's Schlock Report!
Steven Seagal monster movie! Those are four words I’ve always wanted to write. Seagal will star in a $15 million dollar production called SUBMERGED. A submarine crew is trapped at the bottom of the ocean after cases of a biological agent are broken. The crew must fight against the mutated creatures that are attacking them, a U.S. Destroyer that has turned against them, and traitors from within. Directing the movie will be none other than Anthony Hickox, who most of you probably know as the director of WARLOCK THE ARMAGEDDON, HELLRAISER III: HELL ON EARTH, the werewolf cops flick FULL ECLIPSE, and the WAXWORKS films. Lately Hickox has been shying away from genre films focusing mainly on direct-to-video action flicks and thrillers starring the likes of Dolph Lundgren and Armand Assante. But with SUBMERGED he gets to make a cinematic sundae of action, thriller, science fiction, and horror with Steven Seagal as the great big cherry on top. And if any of you think this seems like a step down for Steven Seagal then let me remind you of his movie TICKER. Once you’ve done an Albert Pyun film there’s no place to go but up. I can’t help but to wonder if these “mutated creatures” are of the 28 DAYS LATER zombie variety or of the full on, glowy-eyed C.H.U.D. variety. Unfortunately, we won’t find out until next year when the movie is released. No word on whether it will go direct-to-video (likely) or actually get a theatrical release (unlikely). Personally, when I first heard about Steven Seagal starring in an undersea monster movie I was hoping that meant I’d get to see him grab a giant squid, flip it to the ground, and snap its tentacles. Oh well. Production is scheduled to begin filming on April 1st. For some reason that sounds so very appropriate.
DINOCROC! Yes, it is another big killer crocodile movie of which there have been quite a few cluttering up video store shelves with their usual crappiness in recent years. However, this one is based around a gigantic prehistoric crocodile, referred to as a “Supercroc” by paleontologists, resurrected in modern times that proceeds to go on a rampage terrorizing a small town. The average “Supercroc” could grow up to 40 feet in length, the head alone averaged 6 feet, and weighed an average of 8 metric tons so if the special effects are up to par it should be quite an intimidating sight in the movie. Would it shock you to know that Roger Corman is producing this one? In fact, Corman himself came up with the idea for the movie and is said to be quite high on the flick. Among the recognizable faces in the movie that could make for potential croc food are Costas “I was in that horrible FIST OF THE NORTH STAR movie but don’t hold it against me” Mandylor, Joanna “I’ve done love scenes with Julian Sands so working with a gigantic reptile is actually a step up” Pacula, and veteran b-movie actor Charles Napier as the local Sheriff. I think it is pretty safe to say that Napier is going to get devoured because unless the Sheriff role in a movie such as this is played by one of the top two stars the Sheriff character almost always ends up being dead meat. Word from the American Film Market where the movie was screened is that it’s actually not too shabby and the CGI croc looks pretty good. We’ll have to wait and see for ourselves when the movie premieres on the Sci-Fi Channel on Saturday, April 24th. That right there is not a good sign.
Video game to movie news time! SOULCALIBER is headed to the big screen. Wait, this isn’t new news? I reported on this several months ago. Sammo Hung was to direct. Apparently that one fell apart somewhere along the way so now SOULCALIBER will be adapted into a movie from the same folks responsible for the FINAL DESTINATION flicks. As much as I am a fan of the game I really don’t have much interest in seeing a movie. Also headed to the big screen is PRINCE OF PERSIA. Uber-producer and Michael Bay enabler Jerry Bruckheimer has picked up the rights to the popular video game. Just don’t expect it to have a whole lot in common with the video game since Bruckheimer is looking to turn it into a sort of PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN meets Indiana Jones type movie. I don’t know why companies shell out big bucks for the rights to video games just so they can craft a movie that is at best “inspired” by the video game. Finally, Uwe Boll’s BLOODRAYNE movie has a writer. Guinevere Turner, who helped adapt AMERICAN PSYCHO, is set to script the tale of a scantily clad half-vampire babe battling Nazi occultists during WWII. She’s going to have to write fast because the movie is scheduled to begin filming this summer in Vancouver. A funny foot note to this: the budget for BLOODRAYNE is now $15 million which is half of what Boll touted would be the film’s budget. I guess this means the investors finally sat down and watched HOUSE OF THE DEAD and aren’t willing to risk pissing away too much money on what could prove to be another Uwe Boll disasterpiece.
Looks like the upcoming CONSTANTINE movie, based on the popular character from the Hellblazer comic book, could be a disaster in the making. Ain’t It Cool News reports that CONSTANTINE creator Alan Moore has read the script and requested that his name be removed from the credits as creator of the Constantine character and that he has decided to send his portion of the royalties to the artists who co-created the character. The producers cast Keanu Reeves in the role of the British character and set it in the United States so I can’t imagine what would make Moore think this could turn out bad. Neil Gaiman on his website disputed the Alan Moore report but even that has been called into question so who knows what the truth is at this point.
Disney has paid big bucks for an untitled pitch for a movie about a washed-up Viking and his ragtag marauders on an epic quest to save the world from an evil force. Apparently PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN clones are the big thing in Hollywood right now since that’s what this Viking tale has been compared to. Perhaps they should just call it VIKINGS OF THE NORTH ATLANTIC?
Our needless remake of the week is the announcement of a LOGAN’S RUN remake. This one might actually have a chance of being decent since X-MEN director Bryan Singer will be behind the camera for this one.
Kevin Costner is in negotiations to direct and possibly star in the feature film adaptation of the Ralph Helfer novel MODOC: THE TRUE STORY OF THE GREATEST ELEPHANT THAT EVER LIVED. I only report this hear because I read the movie being described as “a Black Stallion"-type love story between a man and an animal with elements reminiscent of "Forrest Gump." Hoo boy, that sounds like a doozy!
Word from the American Film Market is that a New Zealand company is currently in pre-production on a remake of FRIGHT NIGHT. This will suck.
According to the latest issue of DVD Premieres magazine, Natasha Henstridge has agreed to do a cameo in SPECIES 3. Well, it's not like she’s been getting better offers lately.
No, it’s not the star of the next Nu Image nature run amok movie. It really is a 3-headed frog with 6 legs. Don’t believe me? Click here and behold KING TOADORAH, THE THREE HEADED FROG!
Finally today, I have a new review you can check out at Creature Corner of a new gill-man monster movie called AQUANOIDS that despite the plurality of the title only features one monster and you hardly ever see it. Suffice it to say this one is all wet. You can read the review here.
- Scott Foy
posted by Scott 11:42 PM | Comments
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Shaun of the Dead!!!!
I forgot all about this yesterday, shame on me! *slaps hand* The trailer for what will surely be the movie event of the year is online in a variety of formats over at TheMovieBox.net. From the writers of the cult British comedy show Spaced comes what could very well be the funniest zombie movie ever created. Check out the excellent trailer, you won't regret it. Don't want to? Yo momma.
posted by Martin 12:12 AM | Comments
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Movies x News All Out Attack
No time to waste folks, some interesting news is afoot.
What better to lead with than with the massive news about the next Godzilla movie? Godzilla: Final Wars is looking like a daikaiju fanboy dream come true. Monster Zero reports that Toho have made an official announcement about the film set to celebrate 50 years of the Big G. As rumoured here earlier, Ryuhei Kitamura who directed the excellent Versus and Azumi will be at the helm, with filming to start in May for a December 11th release in Japan. As if having one of Japan’s hottest directors in charge wasn’t enough, the film is set to star TEN other monsters including one brand new creature known only as Monster X right now. Also there are at least five human characters set to return from the past films two. I’m personally pulling for an appearance from Android M-11! In news that will either be good or bad depending on how you look at it, this film is intended to be the last Godzilla feature for a while and the radioactive dinosaur we all love will be getting a five to ten year break. Perhaps that’s best, as Toho’s insistence on continually throwing out Big G movies has resulted in smaller budgets and less creative ideas, and the results have been disappointing. Any more news on this exciting project will definitely be reported right here.
Due out this year is The Eye 2, the sequel to the highly praised Hong Kong/Thailand co-production from 2002 which earned its star Angelica Lee the award for Best Actress at the Hong Kong Film Awards and has since been picked up for a Hollywood remake. Taking a look at the the official site is a bewildering experience partly because most of it is in Chinese, and also because it’s a Flash-enabled nightmare of cheap scares and other similarly unsettling images and noises. What I have been able to glean is that this would seem to be a sequel in name only, though the Pang Brothers (Danny and Oxide) are back from the first film as co-directors. Starring is Taiwanese starlet Shu Qi who has graced the screen numerous times, perhaps most recognisably in the West in The Transporter. A teaser trailer in Quicktime format can be downloaded here (1.84 MB) and damned if it isn’t one of the creepiest teasers I’ve seen for a good while. Its available in other flavours (Realplayer and Windows Media) through the site linked above, from option 7 on the menu at the bottom. If the movie is half as scary as the website, I’ll be looking forward to this one.
From Hobbit to evil plastic offspring? CHUD informs that Billy Boyd is following up playing Pippin in Lord of the Rings by taking the role as the Seed of Chucky, lending his voice along with the returning Brad Dourif and Jennifer Tilly. Now is Brad’s chance to get revenge for his lack of screen time in the LOTR trilogy! Get ‘em Brad! Dan Mancini returns to the series as director too, let’s hope he can maintain the momentum started by Ronny Yu.
Once again the Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash rumours would seem to have gotten out of hand again, as allegedly Robert Englund’s own wife Nancy has nixed the news that Jeff Katz already had a 20 page treatment written for it. Moviehole tells us that through a mailing list on Yahoo, Mrs. Englund said that Katz has not written anything for the film. The original news was that New Line were going to offer Sam Raimi the chance at making another Evil Dead if they could use Ash in their film and the results were successful. The problem with this sort of story is that even the most cynical are getting caught up in the fanboy mania this concept is creating, so any news or rumours are being leapt on with perhaps more enthusiasm than they should. Probably best not to start holding one’s breath quite yet. In further news, WWE wrestler Chris Jericho is being connected to the film apparently after fellow ‘rassler Triple H impressed so many on the set of Blade 3 has increased interest in getting the company’s performers up on the big screen. Jericho is easily one of the better actors in the company though one has to wonder how long this fad will last, or even how real it is considering The Rock has been in Hollywood a while already, why should Triple H’s bit part in a film suddenly excite everybody? It has been suggested that perhaps a certain wrestling company is blowing things out of proportion.
Monkeypeaches brings news of the upcoming Infernal Affairs remake. A number of sources have reported on the adding of Martin Scorsese to produce and direct, and also of the possible addition of Leonardo DiCaprio to the cast. However, apparently the directors of the original version are being consulted on the film’s production. A draft of the script written by William Monahan has been sent to co-director of the Hong Kong version Mak Siu-Fai. The other director Andrew Lau (not Andy Lau, different guy) talked to The Sun newspaper and said that the film will be set in Boston. Brad Pitt will play an Irish terrorist who has infiltrated the police force, while Leo will be a cop deep under cover in the same terrorist group. Holy mother of God I hope this is just some sort of misunderstanding or bad translation, Irish terrorists? Damn Hollywood and its complete lack of awareness of the outside world! Quick, throw in some of those dastardly Commie Nazis while you're there!
Moviehole tells us that a Firefly movie is go, to be written and directed by Joss Whedon and feature all of the original cast. Due to be called Serenity to distance itself from the TV show, this is a surprising turn of events considering the show lasted a meagre 11 episodes. The film’s plot will concern two passengers on board the space craft that become the sources of much trouble for the crew. Perhaps the show can live on in a series of movies? Time will tell.
Any folks in Toronto might want to check they have March 18th open, as Rue Morgue is presenting a one-off screening of Australian zombie favourite Undead. The screening will take place at the Bloor Cinema, 506 Bloor Street West at 9:30 PM. There will be prizes to give away to those who come dressed in the best zombie costumes! Should be great fun, more details at Rue-Morgue.com.
A quick plug here, my website Radi0active Death turns two this week! Stop on by and help me celebrate, perhaps I’ll even have the time to write something for it, you never know. Thanks for reading, catch you soon.
Martin Leggett
posted by Martin 4:33 PM | Comments
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