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Saturday, February 28, 2004
24TH ANNUAL RAZZIE AWARD WINNERS
The 24th annual Golden Raspberry Awards were announced this Saturday and it should come as no surprise that GIGLI walked away the big winner. Or would that be big loser? Either way, the dead horse that is GIGLI received one last beating as it was dishonored with 6 Razzies, falling just one award shy or tying all-time record holders SHOWGIRLS and BATTLEFIELD EARTH. The Razzies also awarded two of their favorite targets by awarding perennial nominee Sylvester Stallone Worst Supporting Actor for his 6 roles in SPY KIDS 3-D and two-time past Razzie winner Demi Moore the Worst Supporting Actress award for her comeback performance in CHARLIE’S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE. Stallone’s has now racked up 10 Razzies in his cinematic career. Also, a special award was created just for this year to give special honor for awfulness in dance choreography to the movie musical catastrophe that was FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY. Full Razzie award results are below.
Worst Picture - GIGLI
Worst Actor - Ben Affleck (GIGLI)
Worst Actress - Jennifer Lopez (GIGLI)
Worst Screen Couple - Ben Affleck & Jennifer Lopez (GIGLI)
Worst Director - Martin Brest (GIGLI)
Worst Screenplay - GIGLI, written by Martin Brest
Worst Supporting Actor - Sylvester Stallone (SPY KIDS 3-D: GAME OVER)
Worst Supporting Actress - Demi Moore (CHARLIE’S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE)
Worst Remake or Sequel - CHARLIE’S ANGELS: FULL THROLLTLE
Worst Excuse For An Actual Movie (New Category): THE CAT IN THE HAT
Special Governor’s Award For Distinguished Under-Achievement in Choreography - Travis Payne (FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY)
- Scott Foy
posted by Scott 10:42 PM | Comments
Friday, February 27, 2004
THE FOYWONDER'S SCHLOCK REPORT FOR 2-28-04
Good evening, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea…let’s go to press!
We begin with news I hoped I’d never have to report but here I am forced to tell you that DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO will soon be a reality. Rob Schneider will return as the title character and as you can tell from title he’s on his way to Europe for some raunchy hijinks. Somebody may want to remind him of how EUROTRIP tanked last week. Eddie Griffin may also return to reprise the role of Deuce’s pimp. Despite all the talk of religion this past week with the opening of THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST I think this news is conclusive proof that there is no God.
Remember Tom Green? Yeah, I’ve been trying to forget about him too. The FREDDY GOT FINGERED star is headed back to the big screen whether we like it or not. The Hollywood Reporter brings disturbing news that Green will star in BOB THE BUTLER, which is described as being the story of an American traveling to the United Kingdom to train as a butler. The movie is being billed as being along the lines of MRS. DOUBTFIRE and I hope and pray that doesn’t mean we’re going to have to see Tom Green in drag. Just seeing regular old Tom Green is bad enough.
Is Eddie Murphy finally beginning to realize that he’s been starring in a whole lot of crap lately? Seems Murphy has opted out of doing a third DOCTOR DOOLITTLE flick. Unfortunately, that won’t stop a third DOCTOR DOOLITTLE flick from being made as one is now planned to go direct-to-video with a new actor in the lead to co-star alongside the various talking and farting animals. Unfortunately, Eddie Murphy is looking to once again dip into the empty well that is BEVERLY HILLS COP. I suppose that if the script was for a sharply written R-rated action comedy featuring the Eddie Murphy of old then just maybe it might not be abysmal but after sitting through the depressingly wretched BEVERLY HILLS COP 3 I have serious doubts.
Usually when I report on a potential Hollywood remake I just roll my eyes. However, this one I’m about to tell you about just pisses me off. It was announced this week that THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE is going to be remade with Wolfgang “DAS BOOT” Peterson in the director’s chain. While Peterson is more than a capable director there is still absolutely no reason whatsoever to remake this movie. The only possible thing they can improve upon is the special effects and the effects in the original still for the most part hold up today. There is simply no excuse for remaking this movie other than greedy producers with no imagination. Also announced for a remake is the popular 1971 thriller LET’S SCARE JESSICA TO DEATH. I want to make a movie called LET’S GET HOLLYWOOD AN ORIGINAL IDEA.
Seems a few superhero related movie items I reported on some time ago as being deader than that lady who up and died while watching THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST have magically sprung back to life. Variety reports that the live action movie version of the MTV cartoon AEON FLUX is on again and Charlize Theron, who is likely to take home the Oscar for Best Actress this Sunday, has signed on to play the title role. Also, Lions Gate Entertainment announced a few more Marvel Comics properties they intend to turn to film. In addition to a sequel to their upcoming PUNISHER movie, a big screen version of BLACK WIDOW, a high tech spy heroine comic character I am totally unfamiliar with, is in the works as is the long delayed IRON FIST movie. However, whether or not Ray “Darth Maul” Park will be playing the title role as originally slated remains to be seen.
Speaking of Iron Fist, CHUD reports that 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS director John Singleton is in talks to direct a big screen version of his former comic book tag team partner Luke Cage aka Power Man. Singleton reportedly wants Ving Rhames for the title role. I think he might be a bit too old for the part. Maybe Singleton should have a look at Michael Jai White, who I’ve always thought looked like a living breathing version of Luke Cage.
Also coming to us from the comic book world is a feature film version of SWORD OF DRACULA, based on the “military horror” comic from “Remember when we were the next big thing?” Image Comics. Having fallen out of the loop on comic books some time ago (Ironically due in a large part from being burned out by Image’s crap), I again have never heard of this one but I must say the premise does sound somewhat promising. The comic “is a contemporary revamping of the Dracula legend. Dracula is portrayed as the world's foremost terrorist, a king on the run with a vampire army and an array of new powers. Unlike in any interpretation before, Dracula here controls blood itself, using the blood of thousands of victims to build weapons, vehicles and strongholds.” Again, could be interesting or it could be crap. Even before it was announced that the movie rights had been optioned, it was announced earlier this past week that the comic book was going to be made into a first person shooter video game. That’ll probably turn out better than the movie because I wouldn’t be shocked if Hollywood finds a way to suck all the life out of the source material. At least Uwe Boll isn’t making it.
There’s a romantic comedy in the works called DATE SCHOOL. The producers want ELF heroine Zooey Deschanel to star. The producers have offered the male lead role to walking pimple on the ass of pop culture Justin Timberlake. Word is she’ll walk away from the project if he is cast opposite her. If this rumor is true then Zooey Deschanel officially wins the award this week for the smartest woman in Hollywood.
Prepare yourselves for some tragic news. Rumor has it that Paul Walker will not be returning to star in FAST & THE FURIOUS 3. I know I’m heartbroken.
Dee Snider is once again talking to Fangoria about making a sequel to his particularly mediocre 1998 horror movie STRANGELAND. In fact, he’s been talking about a sequel since 1998. Let it go, Dee. Let it go.
Looks like that SEX IN THE CITY feature film has already hit a snag. According to IMDB, Kim Cattrall is reluctant to sign on because she doesn’t get along with Sarah Jessica Parker. Hell, E! gossip guru Ted Casablanca reports that virtually the entire cast doesn’t get along with one another so it’ll remain to be seen whether or not the TV show ever makes it to the movie screen.
Dark Horizons reports that Smallville’s Clark Kent himself Tom Welling is being considered for the role of Goku in the live action DRAGONBALL Z movie. I really can’t think of anything witty or sarcastic to say about this other than I will repeat my belief that a live action DRAGONBALL Z movie is a disaster in the making. This is not going to easily translate to live action as evidenced by the headache inducing Japanese attempt at doing one from back in the 90’s.
Keep in mind all of the great movies that have yet to receive the DVD treatment when reading the next few sentences. On March 23rd, Roger Corman’s New Concorde will release two movies whose DVD release has been anxiously anticipated by virtually no one whatsoever. The first is SCHOOL SPIRIT, a 1985 alleged comedy about a young man killed while out buying condoms that returns as a ghost who can make himself invisible at will - think about the illogic of that for a moment - and decides to haunt the women’s locker room. The other film is MUNCHIES, a so-bad-it-must-be-seen-to-be-believed GREMLINS rip-off featuring immobile troll doll-haired beasties and Harvey Korman in what is surely his cinematic low point. Each will be priced at $9.95 and don’t appear as if they will feature any extras and with these two movies you deserves a little something extra just for sitting through them.
York Entertainment, a direct-to-video company that is quickly gaining on Nu Image and UFO Films in the crap department, announced a few more movies they plan to release before the end of the year and one for next year.
UNBURIED (August 2004): An innocent family, wrongly killed for crimes they didn't commit, are awoken from their graves by the teenage descendents of their accusers, and embark on a revenge-filled killing spree. Ah, a whole family of Crows. It's always nice to see people doing things together as a family even if it is murder revenge from beyond the grave.
10,001 SCARECROWS (September 2004): A terrifying living scarecrow is destroyed in an explosion, but the individual pieces come back to life as a scarecrow army bent on destroying the kids responsible for its demise. Yep, this one is the 4th installment in the SCARECROW franchise. The third, SCARECROW GONE WILD where the murderous Scarecrow hacks and slashes it’s way through Spring Breakers and mixed martial artist Ken Shamrock, comes out this June. Nice to see York can’t even be bothered to wait to see if the next one is even profitable before moving forward with more.
MISTER STIXX (October 2004): A young man with a rare brittle bone disease fashions a bizarre set of splints and stilts and seeks revenge on those who tormented him. Woohoo! Mr. Glass goes on a killing spree! Where’s Samuel L. Jackson when you need him? At least this will be one slasher that shouldn’t be too hard to defeat.
TORTURER (November 2004): When a girl is murdered, her death unleashes a mysterious torturer who stalks her cheerleader classmates for answers. If it was animated and featured tentacle rape I’d say this sounds like hentai. What I want to know is does this mysterious torturer actually kill the girls too or does it just use the Patriot Act to get answers leading to the real criminal mastermind?
COLD CALLER (January 2005): When a young man dials the wrong number on his cell phone, he unleashes a hellish telemarketer who stalks him through his phone, e-mail and any other electronic device. Wait, aren’t all telemarketers hellish? I really hope the tagline for the movie is “In 2005, Satan Will Harass You!”
Also still to come from York this year are movies called DR. CHOPPER, BIG BAD BOOGEYMAN, CORPSES, and the rampaging extraterrestrial vs. Heidi Fleiss flick ALIEN 51. Look out Nu Image and UFO Films because York is gunning for you.
Finally today, if you missed last weekend’s Sci-Fi Channel premiere of Jim Wynorski’s giant lizard/zombie flick CURSE OF THE KOMODO you can read my review of this extremely dopey film at Creature Corner by clicking here.
I’ll be back tomorrow night with news about this year’s Razzie Award winners.
- Scott Foy
posted by Scott 11:39 PM | Comments
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Classic Hong Kong Movies on the Big Screen in NYC
Subway Cinema are advertising a series of ‘Incredible Subway Sundays’. Showing at the Anthology Film Archives on the last Sunday of each month, each of these movies is well worth checking out and in a few cases are very difficult to find elsewhere. The line-up is as follows:
February 29th – Righting Wrongs (starring Yuen Biao and Cynthia Rothrock, a MUST SEE)
March 28th – Taoism Drunkard (Totally insane movie from the Yuen Clan)
April 25th – Royal Warriors (Good action from Michelle Yeoh and the underrated Hiroyuki Sanada)
May 30th – Pedicab Driver (A Sammo Hung magnum opus, quite rare these days)
July 25th – Eastern Condors (Sammo does The Dirty Dozen with fine results)
August 29th – Ebola Syndrome (Totally evil and disgusting movie with Anthony Wong while he was in his Bunman phase)
More info can be found through the link above, but you can’t go wrong for only eight bucks a ticket.
posted by Martin 9:03 AM | Comments
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