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Saturday, December 20, 2003
THE FOYWONDER'S SCHLOCK REPORT FOR 12-20-03
As Christmas rapidly approaches the news rapidly screeches to a halt. I suspect things will be ever slower this week. In the meantime, here's a few things to take note of while in between viewings of RETURN OF THE KING.
A new giant monster movie will be making its way to your local video store this spring in the form of CURSE OF THE KOMODO. There isn't a whole lot of info on this one out there but this much I’ve been able to put together. You got a tropical island, a scientist who has created some sort of growth serum, good guy soldiers, bad guy soldiers, and a 100-foot Komodo dragon on the rampage. There's also a couple of other mutated Komodo dragons of not quite gigantic proportions stalking the people stuck on the island too. But apparently the filmmakers didn't think the menace of big mutated Komodo dragons was enough because falling prey to one of these other mutated Komodo dragons will result in the victim transforming into an infected zombie. Yep, its KOMODO meets HOUSE OF THE DEAD meets JURASSIC PARK! I should also mention that the movie is directed by uberhack Jim Wynorski so the odds of the movie even being dumb fun just dropped dramatically. Nonetheless, for a low budget direct-to-video monster movie the film sports some pretty nifty effects. The company behind the film's CGI Komodos is Pyros Pictures and their website has several stills of the 100-foot Komodo as well as a short f/x trailer showing the big lizard in action. It's definitely worth a look. Hopefully the movie won't prove to be another Jim Wynorski crapfest. We’ll find out when the movie is hits video stores on March 30th.
Last week Ashton Kutcher pulled the plug on his hit MTV hidden camera show Punk'd claiming he wanted leave audiences wanting more. Or perhaps maybe it has something to do with getting axed from Cameron "SAY ANYTHING/JERRY MAGUIRE/ALMOST FAMOUS" Crowe's newest flick. The official line regarding Kutcher's departure from the film is that it was a "scheduling conflict" due to commitments for That 70's Show. This seems a might fishy since "scheduling conflicts" is a commonly used excuse to cover for something less than flattering, like whenever you hear about a celebrity being "hospitalized for exhaustion." Not to mention the fact that most actors would do anything to not lose a part in a Cameron Crowe movie. According to the New York Post, Ashton Kutcher was canned after director Cameron Crowe was appalled by Kutcher's lack of acting chops during rehearsals for his new film ELIZABETHTOWN. The paper even reports that Crowe reportedly told Kutcher to take some acting lessons. Keep in mind that it was just a few months ago when Kutcher's name was being mentioned by Warner Brothers for the lead in the next Batman movie only to have the film's director blast him for his lack of acting ability and his public image as a overexposed clown. Supposedly Kutcher is taking the loss of the Cameron Crowe movie hard and the ending of Punk'd would appear to be one of the casualties as he prepares to try and reinvent himself as a more serious media whore.
There are only three guarantees in life: death, taxes, and Disney being utterly devoid of a single original idea. You can't teach an old dog new tricks so Disney is going back to the past for a remake of THE SHAGGY DOG, which Disney already remade back in the 90's as a TV movie. The actual plot of this new SHAGGY DOG will actually borrow from the plot of one of the original movies' sequels, THE SHAGGY D.A. as the plot will center on a workaholic lawyer who suddenly transforms into a big, hairy sheepdog one day and eventually learns to be a better father and husband. Tim Allen is a man who just seems hell-bent to undo all the good will he accumulated with GALAXY QUEST by constantly making one awful movie after another so it makes perfect sense that he would sign on to star. Filming begins this July and Cinescape reports that Brian Robbins, director of such modern cinematic masterpieces as GOOD BURGER, VARSITY BLUES, and READY TO RUMBLE, is in talks to direct this potential dog of a movie.
Sometimes you just have to shake your head at how Hollywood operates. As reported here before, MGM and Miramax's Dimension Films division were planning dueling AMITYVILLE HORROR remakes. Now, well, let me just quote the Moviehole blurb exactly as they wrote it:
This is just priceless, instead of doing two separate Amityville films, which was the plan a month or so ago, MGM and Dimension have decided to partner up and just do one new Amityville film. According to Variety MGM owned rights to the title of the 1979 horror hit. After Platinum Dunes scored a hit on its first project, a remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, MGM moved quickly to bestow the title on the production company headed by Michael Bay, Brad Fuller and Andrew Form. Dimension co-chairman Bob Weinstein then got into the game by acquiring a rival project script that was being developed by producers Randall Emmett and George Furla. He also landed rights and cooperation from George Lutz, who lived in the fabled Long Island house when it was supposedly haunted by ghosts. MGM will take the lead on production and distribute in domestic territories, while Dimension distributes overseas. Dimension's project will be folded into the mix, and might serve as sequel material.
You gotta love Hollywood. Oh well, at least this gives us just one less remake to not go see instead of two.
ANACONDAS, the long awaited (Yeah, right!) sequel to the J'Lo/Ice Cube big snake movie, is officially set to open in theaters on August 27, 2004. You can now begin counting down the days on your calendars.
Two new movie trailers went online that are worth bringing to your attention. One looks like it could turn out to be a hell of a movie and the other looks like it may make you want to gouge your own eyes out with a spork. The first is for next summer SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW a retro sci-fi movie about a reporter's investigation of disappearing scientists in 1939 New York that leads to her teaming up with the heroic Sky Captain to stop a madman's planned takeover of the world. The film stars Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Giovanni Ribisi, and Angelina Jolie. Don't know if it'll be any good or not but it definately has a hell of a look to it. Check out the trailer right here. Then there's the teaser trailer for this summer's THE MASK 2 or SON OF THE MASK or whatever it's going to be called. The teaser is pretty much nothing more than a CGI baby doing Gymkata. Take a good look at the trailer here and try not to lose your will to live.
Finally today, an anonymous source sent CHUD the official logo Warner Brothers is planning to use for their upcoming Halle Berry CATWOMAN movie as if the film really needs a logo seeing as how has very little in common with it's source material. In fact, here it is for you to see for yourself. As one person on the CHUD message board put it, "It looks like Sauron's vagina." Well, I don't know about that but to me it looks like the hood ornament for a fancy Egyptian automobile. 
- Scott Foy
posted by Scott 2:49 AM | Comments
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
RIP Jeanne Crain
Jeanne Crain, Hollywood starlet of the '40s & '50s, died Sunday of a heart attack, reports the Associated Press. Though Crain's filmography is thoroughly mainstream fare (including the controversial Pinky for which she received an Oscar nomination), one b-movie gem to be plucked from the rest is 1967's Hot Rods to Hell, with Dana Andrews. Crain was 78.
posted by Christopher 1:37 PM | Comments
Sunday, December 14, 2003
TOHO PLANS "SUPER EPIC" FOR GODZILLA'S 50TH ANNIVERSARY
Monster Zero has posted a brief news story translated from a Japanese website site regarding Toho's plans for next year's 50th anniversary Godzilla movie tentatively titled THE GODZILLA. The reason for the English title is said to be because Toho is looking to get world wide attention for the film. I expect the title will be changed to something more fitting once they begin to reveal details of the movie's plot, strongly rumored to be a battle between Godzilla and and a clone of itself. Toho is said to already be in the final stages of development of the movie which they are describing as a "super epic" and that reliable sources say will feature an all-star cast of both human and monster performers. Seeing as how GODZILLA X MOTHRA X MECHAGODZILLA just opened up in Japan this weekend I'd expect it will probably be a few more weeks or even months before more details on the 50th anniversary film becomes available. Contrary to what some of the ads for 1998's Tristar GODZILLA proclaimed, 2004 will truly be the year of Godzilla!
- Scott Foy
posted by Scott 10:10 AM | Comments
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