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Friday, December 05, 2003
THE FOYWONDER'S SCHLOCK REPORT FOR 12-05-03
Good morning, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea…news sure has been slow lately but we’re going to press anyway!
First up, and for some reason this seems like the kind of movie the guy should be producing, Moviehole reports that Dean Devlin, along with another producer, have acquired the rights to remake THE DOBERMAN GANG. The original low budget movie was a surprise hit in the early/mid-70s that spawned two sequels. THE DOBERMAN GANG tells the story of a group of dogs trained by a small-time crook to pull off the perfect bank robbery only to eventually turn to the side of law and justice and use their new found skills to become crime fighters by thwarting the thief’s plan. I can only hope that they have the good sense to sign Snoop Dogg to remake the original’s infamous “Arf! Arf! Arf!”song. Hell, if we're lucky, maybe they'll use CGI dogs instead of real one too!
It looks like Steven Seagal’s GENGHIS KHAN biopic finally has a director. He’s British, hasn’t directed a movie in about 15 years, and he’s over 90 years old! His name is Ken Annakin. Past directorial credits include such movies as THOSE MAGNIFICENT MEN IN THEIR FLYING MACHINES, the original SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON, the Henry Fonda/Robert Shaw/Charles Bronson version of BATTLE OF THE BULGE, THE PIRATE MOVIE, and his last film, 1988’s THE NEW ADVENTURES OF PIPPI LONGSTOCKING. And according to IMDB, George Lucas got the idea to use the Annakin Skywalker from this guy. Well, a 90-year-old director making a movie about Genghis Khan to star Steven Seagal? This could either turn out to be a minor miracle or a major laugh riot. I guess we’ll find out soon enough.
This next bit of information can be taken with a grain of salt because it’s being reported by IMDB. If you look up MORTAL KOMBAT: DOMINATION, the soon-to-begin filming third installment in the franchise, you will see that WWE women’s wrestler Trish Stratus is listed as being cast in the role of Sonya Blade. If true, this would mark Stratus’ first ever acting job and if you’ve ever seen her on WWE TV then you already know that acting is not one of her strong points. Frankly, I’ll be surprised if this one ever turns out to be true but at least its still more plausible than that rumor floating around the net a few weeks back about WWE wrestler Edge playing Egghead in the next Batman movie.
Well it was inevitable that if two movies with virtually two identical premises were set to open on the same day one of them would move. In this case, the game of cinematic chicken being played between Mandy Moore’s CHASING LIBERTY and Katie Holmes’ FIRST DAUGHTER has concluded and its FIRST DAUGHTER that blinked. Both movies deal with a plot involving the President’s daughter ditching her secret service escorts to get away for a good time and both were set to open on January 9th. According to Coming Soon, FIRST DAUGHTER has pulled out of release date and is currently seeking a new day to open. Unfortunately, there probably won’t be any winners in this contest since advance word of mouth on both films has been less than stellar thus far.
Dark Horizons reports that Ben Stiller’s upcoming dodgeball comedy has a new name and frankly I gotta give somebody credit for coming up with this one. The new title is RED RUBBER HELL. Now that’s a movie title!
Now that Quentin Tarantino has paid homage to the kung fu movies of the 70’s he loves so much, it looks like he may soon be entering into Roland Emmerich territory with a disaster movie of his own. Cinescape reports that Tarantino is developing an airplane thriller in the vein of such 70s disaster movies like AIRPORT and he hopes to get John Travolta and Pam Grier on-board to star. Of course there is no guarantee this will ever come about as we’ve seen how long it take Tarantino to make a movie and he won’t get onto this until he completes his World War 2 flick INGLORIOUS BASTARDS, which isn’t anywhere near ready for production.
If this weekend’s HONEY wasn’t enough hell for you, more movies in the same vein will soon be rolling off the Hollywood assembly line including HEART OF SUMMER starring Hilary Duff. The coming of age project focuses on “…a small-town singer left brokenhearted by the tragic death of her brother, who had secretly submitted her for a summer session at a prestigious performing arts academy in Los Angeles. The film will revolve around the female lead's efforts to confront her lack of formal classic training and deal with a romantic entanglement.” Variety describes the movie as being along the lines of FAME and SAVE THE LAST DANCE. Oh joy, we don’t get enough of those as it is.
Moviehole has the scoop on the titles of the next two PROPHECY sequels. Known previously as only being parts 4 and 5, the official titles have been revealed as THE PROFECY: UPRISING and THE PROPHECY: FORSAKEN. Both films star Kari Wuhrer and Jason London and the latter also features Mr. Direct-To-Video Sequel himself, Jason Scott Lee. The first film centers on “an ancient manuscript which is still writing itself, known as the Lexicon, which foretells of the coming of the anti-Christ. It falls into the hands of a woman (Kari Wuhrer) who is pursued by angel’s intent on obtaining the information in the book.” Isn’t that sort of similar to the plot of the original WARLOCK movie? Still no word yet on the latter’s plot although I suspect it will probably just be more of the same.
TriStar Pictures has announced cities and dates for its limited release of THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA, writer/director/star Larry Blamire’s homage to the low-budget creature features of yesteryear although Blamire insists, “It’s not a spoof of B-movies—it is a B-movie."
Feb 6th – New York & LA
Feb 13th – Chicago, Boston, San Francisco, San Jose, and Berkeley, CA
Feb 20th – Seattle & Austin, TX
March 5th – Atlanta
The black and white flick, featuring mad scientists, aliens, a three-eyed mutant monster, a sexy cat-woman on the prowl, and the title creature that resurrects and goes off in pursuit of the rare radioactive element called “atmosphereum,” is set to roll out to even more unannounced cities on March 12th. Accompanying the film will be a 1937 cartoon short called SKELETON FROLIC. I’m seriously hoping this film comes to my neck of the woods although I'm almost sure I'll end up having to wait for the DVD release.
Speaking of ultra low budget monster movie mayhem, if you’re in the mood for something truly, umm, strange, then check out THE NIAGRA YETI PROJECT. Words can’t do it justice. Check it out here.
Finally, my review of the Thanksgiving turkey known as TIMELINE is still up at Ain't It Cool News for all to enjoy and over at the Schlocktoberfest site, the first part of this month's FOYEURISM is up. Entitled LUMPS OF COAL, it's a rundown on the absolute worst Christmas movies ever made. And there's also a new "easter egg" up too spotlighting one of the worst movie monsters of all time. Enjoy.
- Scott Foy
posted by Scott 6:39 AM | Comments
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