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Friday, November 21, 2003
THE FOYWONDER'S SCHLOCK REPORT FOR 11-21-03
Good morning, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea…a warning. Just a reminder that THE CAT IN THE HAT opens today. You have been warned! Okay, now let's go to press!
What would you say if I told you that Brett Ratner, the director of the RUSH HOUR movies, will produce a new slasher movie called SANTA’S SLEIGH about a psychopath that dresses as St. Nick? Now what would you say if I told you that the homicidal Santa Claus will be played by WWE wrestler Bill Goldberg? And no, I’m not kidding either. According to something called ENewsZone, Filming begins late January and isn’t expected to conflict with his wrestling commitments. Oh, thank God for that.
Speaking of bad Santa’s, executives at Disney are said to have been “totally horrified” after a screening of the new film BAD SANTA, which is produced by Miramax, which is owned by Disney. It seems the execs don’t think the R-rated comedy is something that Walt Disney himself would have approved of and so they are rethinking the company’s image. In other news, Disney execs apparently feel no shame for producing THE HAUNTED MANSION.
People Magazine and Ain’t It Cool News have reported rumors that Demi Moore is essentially hijacking the CHARLIE’S ANGELS movie franchise for herself. While this summer’s sequel was a box office flop domestically, the fetish wear music video masquerading as an action comedy has made big money internationally so talk of another sequel is being discussed. The thing is, word is going around that Demi has convinced studio execs to make two or three more sequels, or should I say prequels, based around her Madison Lee character with 40+ Demi still playing the former Angel gone bad from the sequel but set back in the 80’s tracing her younger days as one of Charlie’s Angels. It’s been well documented that Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu were less than thrilled with Demi stealing the spotlight from them in the sequel both on the screen and in the media. I’m no fan of the CHARLIE’S ANGELS movies but even I know that this is guaranteed to flop. Look, Demi Moore may look great for her age, reportedly due in no small part to massive amounts of plastic surgery, but there’s no way she’s going to pass herself off as a twenty-something.
According to IMDB, Tom Selleck will not be reprising his most famous role in the big screen version of MAGNUM P.I. because that role will be going to George Clooney. Wait, I thought Clooney was going to be starring in the big screen version of THE FALL GUY? How many 80’s TV shows turned feature films is Clooney going to star in?
According to Bloody Disgusting, PET SEMETARY 3 will begin production this April with a Fall 2004 release planned. Yes, you read that correctly. Who in his or her right mind thinks anyone wants another PET SEMETARY especially after that God-awful sequel with Edward Furlong. The script they plan to use for the film was written back in 1993 and was shelved after PET SEMETARY 2 tanked. Still, Mary Lambert, who directed the sequel, is in talks to direct this one too so clearly the producer’s aren’t the brightest lights in Hollywood. If that wasn’t bad enough, a sequel to the Stephen King werewolf flick SILVER BULLET is being discussed as a possibility with the story revolving around Corey Haim’s character all grown up and having to deal with another werewolf. Well, I’m sure Corey Haim needs the work.
Wait it gets better! Hotdog Magazine reports a rumor that the POLTERGEIST franchise may be coming back from the dead. Apparently the idea for the new movie would center on the character played by the late Heather O’Rourke all grown up and trying to protect her own kids safe from unfriendly ghosts. Just let it die, people. But that’s not all! Variety reports that the USA Network is toying with the idea of doing a mini-series version of the 1982 Al Pacino-Brian DePalma classic SCARFACE. To call this a terrible idea would be stating the obvious.
While promoting his upcoming movie TIMELINE for which word of mouth is thus far less than promising having been sitting on the shelf for some time now, director Richard Donner is talking about the possibility of a fifth and final LETHAL WEAPON movie which is surprising because he already made the fourth and final LETHAL WEAPON. Still he’s talking of yet another centering on Mel Gibson and Danny Glover’s character over a 24-hour period. Quoting Donner, "I really want to put the franchise to bed properly." Well, at least he acknowledges that LETHAL WEAPON 4 was pretty mediocre. In even stranger Richard Donner news, IMDB has Donner, who directed the original 1978 SUPERMAN movie listed as the director of the new SUPERMAN. I’ll believe that when I hear something official.
Speaking of SUPERMAN, lots of reports that Natalie Portman has been offered the role of Lois Lane. Why don’t they just make a big screen Smallville movie since they seem to be casting in the same age bracket?
Speaking of superhero movies, Hotdog Magazine is reporting that PEARL HARBOR and BULLETPROOF MONK co-star Jaime King is in talks with Warner Brothers to star in WONDER WOMAN, which has gone under about as many re-writes as the new SUPERMAN has. Personally, I just don’t see Miss King in the role but the studio was apparently pleased with the butt-kicking abilities she showed in BULLETPROOF MONK. Personally, the only actress I can really seen in the role is Bridget Moynihan but then I’m casting the movie.
Continuing on the subject of female superheroes, the trailer for the upcoming live-action CUTIE HONEY movie is now online at the movie’s official website. Without question, it looks cheesy as hell but in an INFRAMAN sort of way and that’s a good thing. And despite being a Japanese movie, CUTIE HONEY is being produced by Warner Brothers. Should be interesting to see how it turns out since it was directed by Hideaki Anno of Neon Genesis Evangelion fame.
I’m going to Jackieland! Don’t laugh. Soon, you’ll be able to do just that as Monkey Peaches reports that Jackie Chan has announed a theme park in Hong Kong called “Jackieland.” Okay, you can laugh. Just keep in mind that Jackie Chan is a god in Hong Kong so it will still probably do better business than EuroDisney.
In addition to the passing of composer Michael Kamen, 27-year old actor Jonathan Brandis was found dead in his apartment Wednesday. Brandis is best none for being the teen heartthrob in such less than stellar movies as LADYBUGS and SIDEKICKS and on the series Seaquest DSV. No official word on the cause of death has been announced but word spreading on the internet is saying it was a suicide. Take that for what you will.
Finally today, I have two more new reviews up at Creature Corner this week. The first is less a review than a warning to anyone who sees the box art for the movie DEEP SHOCK that the contents of the movie differ greatly to the one being sold. It's a shameless case of deceptive advertising. You can read that review here. And just this morning the review you've all been waiting for went up. Yep, it's my advance review of LEPRECHAUN: BACK 2 THA HOOD! Enjoy.
- Scott Foy
posted by Scott 7:54 AM | Comments
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Chadzilla roars!
Sad news today. Composer Michael Kamen died of an apparent heart attack at his London home. He was 55.
posted by Chadwick 6:42 AM | Comments
Joe's Links for 11-19-2003
The Day After the Night of the Living Dead
Joe Bob Briggs interview
Joe Bob Briggs interview #2
Professor explores science of scary films
Top Ten Worst Scary Movies Ever
Hollywood stretches truth, says intrepid reporter
The Facts on '50s Sci-Fi films
Horror buff starts filming in Pulaski, TN
The Matrix Defense
Science Fiction meets political reality in California
Hollywood Santas: naughty, nice, and everything in between
posted by Christopher 5:38 AM | Comments
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