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Saturday, November 15, 2003
THE FOYWONDER'S SCHLOCK REPORT FOR 11-15-03
Good morning, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea…time for a weekend update!
Thanks to SCARY MOVIE 3 taking in more money than it could ever possibly deserve to, don’t be surprised to hear about more spoof movies coming down the pike. In fact, MGM quickly snatched up the rights to a spoof movie of the Harry Potter and LORD OF THE RINGS franchises called – hold onto your funny bone – HENRY BATES AND THE SORCERER’S BALLS. Now, now, don’t everyone laugh at once. MGM is full speed ahead to get the movie into production. According to Variety, the movie was written by David Morgasen, James R. Stein, and Timothy “Son of the Beach” Stack. Morgasen told Variety about the basic premise of the movie and keep in mind that this man is probably going to make more money for this idea than you or I put together ever will. "Our good wizard is Gandolfini, who goes against the evil wizard Enron. The quest involves Henry Bates, the rightful king of the land of Middlefinger." Shoot me, please.
More spoofage will be arriving in the form of MY BIG FAT INDIE FILM, a parody of the world indie filmmaking satirizing such independently produced flicks as MEMENTO, AMELIE, RUN LOLA RUN, PULP FICTION, and MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING. Film Threat’s Chris Gore, following in the footsteps of Ain’t It Cool News’ Harry Knowles who himself just announced a producing gig a few short weeks ago, will produce the comedy. Gore says. “It's a low-brow comedy for the high-brow crowd." I see one fundamental problem here: the high-brow crowd doesn’t watch low-brow comedies.
Who says persistence doesn’t pay off? Don Mancini has finally gotten funding to make the fifth CHILD’S PLAY movie to be called SEED OF CHUCKY. Quoting Mancicni, "Bride of Chucky was a takeoff on the road pictures. Seed of Chucky is a twist on family dramas like Ordinary People and Kramer vs. Kramer. The focus this time is on the family, with the point of contention being a gender-confused offspring." Negotiations are currently underway to bring Chucky and Tiffany voice actors Brad Dourif and Jennifer Tilly back for another go. Expect it sometime around Halloween 2004. Now hopefully the Chiodo Brothers will get KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE 2 off the ground.
Brittany Murphy, fresh off the box office flop UPTOWN GIRLS, is once again threatening to launch an assault on your local multiplex with a new romantic comedy called BOYFRIEND IN A BOX. Now listen to this premise as described by CHUD. Murphy plays a girl not looking for love and so she acquires the novelty toy "Boyfriend in a Box" in order to keep friends and family from bugging her about her love life. Soon she finds she must produce the man, only to learn that the real life guy is nothing like the boxed boyfriend. Personally, I’d rather see Brittany Murphy in a box – a pine box!
One movie, good or bad we’ll never know, that will probably never see the light of day is Alec Baldwin’s modern day version of THE DEVIL & DANIEL WEBSTER also starring Anthony Hopkins and Jennifer Love Hewitt as the Devil. The reason it’ll never be seen – it’s been seized by federal authorities. Director and star Baldwin told journalists in L.A, "Some of the film's investors are being investigated for bank fraud. They claimed they had the money to make the movie but it turned out they didn't, so while we were making the movie they were bouncing cheques all over New York. The movie is never going to be released. It taught me a lesson." But on the bright side, assuming the rumors were true, at least he got to nail Jennifer Love Hewitt while making the movie.
Don’t know if this is good or bad but, as has been reported all over the place, Steve Martin has officially signed on to be the new Inspector Clousseau in MGM’s upcoming BIRTH OF THE PINK PANTHER. Honestly, I just don’t think anyone can fill Peter Sellers’ shoes in this role. Anyone still have bad memories of the horrible Roberto Begnini PINK PANTHER movie?
Dark Horizons reports that Todd McFarlane has indicated that a new SPAWN theatrical film will be produced towards the end of 2004. The reason why? Why because the new Spawn: Armageddon video game has sold very well. Brilliant! A comic book that was made into a movie that flopped will now be made into a movie again because of the popularity of a video game based on the comic book! Someone sign Uwe Boll to direct “Stat!”
Okay, who out there has ever referred to Jesus as “The Christ?” Anyone? Bueller? Anyone? Well, according to Yahoo Movies, Mel Gibson’s controversial Jesus movie has been officially renamed THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST. I’m sure there’s a good explanation for this but it still wouldn’t make it sound any less dumb.
Moviehole reports the basic premise of the upcoming 100% Christopher Lambert-free HIGHLANDER 5: THE SOURCE. This time the movie centers on four new charismatic Immortals on a quest to locate the Holy Grail of their world. Remember I told you a few weeks back that they wanted to make the new film detached from the rest of the series and more in the vein of LORD OF THE RINGS. Frankly that premise wouldn’t take much to achieve a HIGHLANDER 2: THE QUICKENING level of suckage.
Coming Soon! posted the official press release from National Lampoon regarding their latest attempt at a cinematic comedy entitled NATIONAL LAMPOON’S THE LADY KILLERS. “Will Friedle (Boy Meets World) and Chris Owen (American Pie and American Wedding) [star] as down-on-their-luck losers who court and marry two wealthy, elderly sisters. The scheming young grooms hope to inherit the sisters' Beverly Hills estate, but the sisters -- played by veteran comedic actresses Renee Taylor (The Nanny) and Louise Lasser (Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman) -- have an agenda of their own. Nikki Ziering (American Wedding) also is featured as the guys' dream girl.” Can you say “direct-to-video?” Come on, when was the last time a National Lampoon movie was worth a damn? Hell, there isn’t even a National Lampoon magazine around anymore, is there?
Here’s some news that should cause concern for some. It’s being reported that a new version of the Gothic vampire soap opera Dark Shadows is in the works. Unfortunately, the WB Network is the one developing it. We all know what happens to shows when they get “WB’ized” as I like to call it. I’m just thinking of that now history Tarzan series of theirs and wondering if they’ll dare to cast some vacuous male model type as the younger, hipper Barnabus Collins.
Armageddon is on it’s way courtesy of the Peacock Network. NBC is shelling out big bucks for an eight part miniseries about a physicist and a nun who attempt to try and stop the Book of Revelations from playing out. OMEN writer David Seltzer will pen the series that will air for only one hour each week following the conclusion of the 2004 Summer Olympics. Seltzer had the following to say in a statement issued by NBC: "What the Book of Revelations predicted is at hand. Nuclear brinkmanship, worldwide terrorism, collapsing economies and environmental atrocities make it clear that the critical mass of injury to this planet is sufficient to bring down the wrath of God and put the biblical prophecies into play. What is not written in the Bible is whether man can do anything about it. This is where our story begins." What man can do about it? I thought the Bible was supposed to be pretty much a done deal? Oh well, this is the same network that produced a movie about Noah’s Ark that had Noah battling pirates in the middle of the flood and featured a classic bad movie moment. When Lot’s wife turned to salt and Lot said and I quote, “My wife was always the salt of the Earth and now she is.” Priceless!
When workers in the remote mining town of Rejection, Nevada fall victim to an unseen predator, the mine's city slicker owner, Hiram Gummer (Michael Gross), great-grandfather to Tremors' Burt Gummer, hires a mercenary to destroy the carnivorous creatures before they swallow up his profits. What follows is an all-out assault that takes the battleground from deep in the earth to a suspense-filled showdown on the streets of Rejection. And that folks is the plot to the prequel TREMORS: THE LEGEND BEGINS, which hits video stores on January 2nd.
A psychopathic scarecrow goes on a killing spree during Spring Break and the only person who can stop it is UFC figher and ex-WWE wrestler Ken Shamrock? Yep, it’s SCARECROW GONE WILD and it’s coming to video stores March 2, 2004. Reserve your copy today! More info here.
Finally, if you missed it I have a new review up at Creature Corner for the movie SHARK ZONE (AKA SHARK ATTACK 4). It’s the tale of gluttonous sharks that just can’t get enough to eat and the world’s worst shark hunter who seems to be trying to channel Reb Brown. And don't forget the stock footage! Yep, this one’s a real humdinger! You can read my full review here.
- Scott Foy
posted by Scott 8:10 AM | Comments
Penny Singleton dies at 95
Penny Singleton, who played Blondie Bumstead in the extremely popular 1940's film serials, died Wednesday after suffering a stroke two weeks prior, reports CNN. Singleton also voiced Jane Jetson, the mother on the animated show "The Jetsons" and made a number of other film and television apperances, including After The Thin Man and the original Twilight Zone episode "Sounds and Silences." See CNN's article for more.
posted by Christopher 5:05 AM | Comments
Monday, November 10, 2003
The Marvellous Movie Report
Whoa, what happened? I submit my last news report then somehow nod off at my computer and after a strange dream about aliens attempting to travel back in time and a Japanese android chick with futuristic combat bio-armour with huge green eyes and purple hair appeared and asking for my help. I wake up and its two weeks later, did it really happen? Where did I get this device for slowing down time for ten seconds from if it wasn’t? Suffice to say my story didn’t prove compelling to Chris and Scott so this is my last chance to get back in their good books, you don’t want to know what they can do with a corkscrew, a plastic bucket and a half a tube of toothpaste.
CHUD tell us that accomplished Hong Kong director Stanley Tong, like many before him is making the move to Hollywood. With a filmography that includes Jackie Chan vehicles Police Story 3, Rumble in the Bronx and First Strike, his first film will be Past Tense. A revolutionary plot sees a cop from Hong Kong team up with a counterpart from San Francisco to take down an international villain of some description. Casting hasn’t started yet but I have a suggestion, Ngai Sing (AKA Colin Chou) can speak English and kick ass as he showed in his small role as Seraph in the Matrix sequels and would be ideal in an action role like this. Just saying.
Tong’s latest Hong Kong project, the Jackie Chan vehicle Time Breaker is still going ahead despite his foray into western cinema, according to the director. Rumours had begun to crop up around the film, the biggest being that Chan was in fact out of the picture and would be replaced by Korean TV star Won Bin. Monkey Peaches reports that this is not the case and that Won Bin will play a supporting role, and that’s direct from Tong himself.
Getting the ‘Poor Desperate Git of the Week’ award is Samuel L. Jackson who despite being one of the coolest and most badass actors on the planet is actually returning for the sequel to XXX. CHUD reports that Jackson will return as the grim NSA agent, hopefully he has a ‘no stupid dialogue about lions in cages’ clause in his contract this time.
For those who aren’t going to see The Matrix Revolutions, or don’t live in the USA, you can check out the trailer for the upcoming Troy right here, link pinched from CHUD again. Headlined by Brad Pitt as Achilles, it also stars Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Sean “I’ll probably get killed, as usual” Bean, Brian Cox, Brenden Gleeson, Peter O’Toole and Diane Kruger. Looks pretty loaded, and I also have it on good authority that for those who can’t get enough of their favourite pro wrestlers appearing in movies, the mammoth Australian WWE grappler Nathan Jones has a role in it. That’s a bad movies dot net EXCLUSIVE folks! Possibly.
Also thanks to CHUD, here’s a link to The Z Review who have a load of pics of Colin Farrell as Alexander the Great in Oliver Stone’s Alexander. That’s some fascinating casting right there.
From various sources comes some curious news, that Scary Movie 3 writer Craig Mazan will not only be writing a 4th in the series after the third one did surprisingly well at the box office, but also has his sights set on Opus, based on the extremely popular comic strip Bloom County. Well, as long as he’s not played by Leslie Nielsen...
Lots of news from Monkey Peaches to catch up on, first off they have assembled a plot outline for the upcoming Infernal Affairs 3: End Inferno (literal translation) from various news sources. Not to give anything away from the first movie for those who haven’t seen it (and soon you’ll have no excuse as Miramax has picked up distribution rights in the West), but news of the plot for the new film serves to clear up certain ‘confusion’ some were having about the second sequel based on the occurrences in the original. It is a separate story set along-side the original plot featuring pop star turned actor Leon Lai as a high ranking police officer and Daoming Chen (most recently seen in Hero) will be a mysterious businessman somehow involved in everything. Also, a large criticism of the first film was the total lack of meaningful roles for the female members of the cast in the film and the balance looks to be redressed here as Kelly Chen’s role as psychiatrist Dr. Lee Sum-Yee will be greatly expanded in this film and she will play a key role in between her patient Chan Wing-Yam (Tony Leung) and Lau Kin-Ming (Andy Lau). Infernal Affairs 2, which was set before the first film, was very well-received and exceeded expectations. However with the return of Tony Leung and Andy Lau to the main cast for the next one those expectations are going to be a great deal higher. Stills from the film can be found here: 1 2 3 4 5.
Takeshi Kaneshiro is a menace! I reported a while ago that he had injured action director Tony Ching Siu-Tung on the set of Shi Mian Mai Fu (Attack From Ten Directions) when he accidentally stabbed the well-respected choreographer in the cheek with his prop sword. Well according to co-star Andy Lau he too has fallen victim to the Japanese star recently seen in Returner, receiving a cut to his right eyebrow and nose. Lau also said Kaneshiro has been injured too and though I wouldn’t like to speculate, an eye for an eye, you know?
More news on Wong Kar Wai’s 2046 has emerged. Shrouded in mystery and in production for four years, story of the plot has finally started to come out. All that was known before was that it was set in the future, but it has been revealed that it is in fact a bizarre sequel to Wong’s excellent In the Mood For Love. Set immediately after the events of the first film, 2046 shows Tony Leung Chiu-Wai’s character become a lonely writer who starts to pen a novel in which he and Maggie Cheung are reunited. Somehow 2 pairs of lovers, one couple being androids, factor into his story and are all from the future. I have absolutely no idea where this is going, but the news that this will be following up the beautiful In the Mood For Love especially in such an unconventional way leaves me all tingly with anticipation.
Take a look at this movie poster and try and work out what’s going on. Its promoting the latest film from producer/writer/director Wong Jing, a man known for producing some real trash, but also occasionally inexplicably coming out with marvellous stuff like God of Gamblers and The Colour of Truth. His latest project is The Spy Dad starring Tony Leung Ka-Fai (the OTHER Tony Leung) as Jim Yi Bond, a total coward who projects a James Bond-style character on screen. His marriage to another actress falls apart and he somehow gets involved in an international conflict between Interpol agents and evil mastermind types. It also stars Candy Yu On On (not seen on-screen since Swordsman 2 in 1992), Jordan Chan (Bio-Zombie, the Young and Dangerous series), Gillian Chung (one half of massively successful Cantopop duo The Twins) Elvis Tsui (er... the sorcerer in The Seventh Curse!) and more. As if that’s not enough, as well as parodying Bond, it also threatens to poke fun at The Matrix, X-Men, Bruce Lee, and Black Mask 2. This is either going to be great fun or a huge, huge mess.
Finally, Norman England has a very good look at the premier of the latest Toho daikaiju fest Godzilla x Mothra x Mechagodzilla: Tokyo S.O.S.. Well worth a read, and this film sounds stronger than the last one which had some great giant monster action but mind numbingly dull and unoriginal human characters. Read the article here.
That’s all from me for now, keep an eye out for those time travelling aliens.
Martin Leggett
posted by Martin 4:05 PM | Comments
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