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Friday, September 19, 2003
The FoyWonder's Schlock Report for 9-19-2003
Good morning, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea, we’ve got a ton of news to cover so let’s go to press!
First up, a trio of rumors that have been debunked. Uwe Boll is not directing a feature film based on the uber-popular video game GRAND THEFT AUTO: VICE CITY. Rockstar Games themselves have made that clear. According to them, a live-action movie isn’t even an absolute certainty at this point. Also debunked were the reports that Dimension Films wanted to do a remake of HALLOWEEN directed by its creator John Carpenter. And The Rock was interviewed by a Dallas radio station where he went on the record saying he had no idea where all these rumors about him starring in PREDATOR 3 were coming from.
Speaking of HALLOWEEN, the official website of the horror franchise has a poll up about whether or not you’d like to see Michael Myers duke it out with HELLRAISER’s Pinhead in a film. Surprisingly, this poll is being conducted at the request of Dimension Films, who own the rights to HALLOWEEN and HELLRAISER. What may be even more surprising is that “NO” is leading by a wide margin. You can vote here.
Ain’t It Cool News has a report of an interview Bruce Campbell gave a Portland radio station during which he was asked about the proposed FREDDY VS. JASON sequel with his EVIL DEAD character Ash thrown into the mix. Despite previous denials, Campbell confirmed studio “suits” are negotiating over it and that the biggest sticking point right now is deciding which franchise wins.
Ain’t It Cool News also has a brief story about one of the wackiest rumors floating around Hollywood, Kevin Costner to star in a musical about Cuban President Fidel Castro. Ummm…yeah. Maybe they should call it FIDEL OF DREAMS as one talkbacker called it. Read more about this bizarre news item for yourself here.
Wacky rumor time: SUPERMAN is finally going to get made but producer Jon Peters and director McG are out due to their inability to get the Man of Steel to fly. So who is going to make it? How about M. Night Shyamalan, who previously made the superhero movie UNBREAKABLE as well as two movies called THE SIXTH SENSE and SIGNS? And who will don that cape? How about Brendan Fraser? Supposedly the contracts are all but signed. Hard to believe but CHUD’s highly reputable reporter Smilin’ Jack Ruby says it may be far-out but not all that far-fetched. Fraser, who I personally think is not right for the part, is a Warner Brothers favorite and it’s no secret that M. Knight is a huge comic book junkie. True or not, I’m sure we’ll continue to hear more about the SUPERMAN remake for the rest of our natural lives .
Speaking of seemingly doomed comic book movies, as much as I’ve wanted to avoid talking about it I might as well give you some info on the upcoming Halle Berry CATWOMAN movie. Frankly, the movie will have about as much to do with the BATMAN movies and comic books as HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH had with its respective franchise. According to the IMDB, the story goes something like this: When her father is murdered, Patience Prince (Berry) becomes Catwoman and searches for the culprit. A detective (Benjamin “I almost married Julia Roberts” Bratt) chases her though the streets, when she discovers the killer is none other then her boss. Sharon “My career is currently on life support” Stone will play the evil boss. She will also have an evil sidekick in the form of Frances “What the hell am I doing in this crap!” McDormand. According to Varierty, July 30, 2004 is the planned release date.
It seems the story I did about the MAN-THING movie at Creature Corner the other week prompted a response from the film’s screenwriter who wants to clarify all the inaccurate reports about the movie’s supposed plot. According to screenwriter Hans Rodionoff, "This movie is nothing like 'Swamp Thing.' This, quite possibly, could be the scariest Marvel movie ever. It's their first real foray into straight up horror. 'Blade' is kind of a horror/action hybrid. This one is just out for the scares. It's a horror movie. 'Swamp Thing' was a comic book movie about a swamp creature protagonist. The Man-Thing is not the protagonist in this movie." Also, don’t expect it to be a superhero movie, as the title character will be getting a whole new origin. “Everyone should try to forget about Ted Sallis and the Super Soldier Serum. Go in expecting something new,” Rodionoff claims. He also claims it won’t be going direct to video. We’ll see about that. At least the feature monster will played by a guy in a suit and not an all-CGI creation. If nothing else, it may turn out to be an entertaining swamp monster movie and we haven’t had one of those in a long, long time.
Looks like SILENT HILL will be the next video game to make the leap to the big screen as French director Christophe Gans has signed on to direct. Gans previous movie was the popular cult flick BROTHERHOOD OF THE WOLF so there’s actually a possibility that this one could turn out good. I know. Hard to believe someone might finally make a really good movie based on a video game?
Also coming soon to a theater near you will be a live action G.I. JOE movie or so Variety reports. No further details at this time. I remember when they were talking about making this over a decade ago with Sylvester Stallone in the lead.
From the “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch” department: Despite word of mouth ranging from mediocre to downright awful, a sequel to UNDERWORLD is already in the works. I got two sets of three words to describe the possibility of a sequel - “not gonna happen” or “direct to video.”
You’re latest unnecessary remake of a Hollywood classic - THE FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX. The original 1960’s film starred James Stewart, Richard Attenborough and Peter Finch as a group of men stranded in the Sahara desert following a plane crash trying to build a plane using pieces from the wreckage. According to the Hollywood Reporter, the remake, set to go in production very shortly, will star Giovanni Ribisi and Dennis Quaid and will be set in modern day Mongolia. The movie will be directed by the same guy responsible for the Owen Wilson clunker BEHIND ENEMY LINES, or as I called it IRON EAGLE 5.
Following up on the story about WWE champion HHH starring in a movie written and directed by John Milius, the writer/director had the following to say about his film’s star. "Triple H has a great sense of humor and a rare combination of accessibility and inherent nobility. He is a working man's hero, something that has been missing in movies for a long time." Working man’s hero? Why do I get the feeling that Mr. Milius has HHH confused with Stone Cold Steve Austin?
January 6, 2004 will be an interesting day for fans of daikaiju movies and just plain God-awful cinema courtesy of Retromedia. Retromedia are releasing a DVD double feature of GAMERA VS. MONSTER X (marking the film’s 1st ever non-bootleg video release in this country) and MONSTER FROM THE PREHISTORIC PLANET aka GAPPA, THE TRIPHIBIAN MONSTER. I know that last one is a public domain but for crying out loud, how many times is someone going to distribute that wretched movie? And if you truly love bad cinema at its worst then you’ll be thrilled that Retromedia is also releasing that day another DVD double feature of two of Larry “MARS NEEDS WOMEN/ATTACK OF THE EYE CREATURES/ZONTAR, THE THING FROM VENUS” Buchanan’s worst, IT’S ALIVE! (Also being released for the 1st time ever and not to be confused with Larry Cohen’s mutant baby movie) and IN THE YEAR 2889, Buchanan’s horrendous remake of THE DAY THE WORLD ENDED. I for one can’t wait.
A DVD company called Unearthed Films announced this week via Fangoria that they are planning to release 10 brand new horror films each budgeted at $1 million and most already have writers and directors attached. And they are as described to Fangoria:
SOCIETY II: BODY MODIFICATION - the sequel to the Brian Yuzna’s early 90s cult hit. No word on whether or not Yuzna will be direct.
DRUNKEN MASTER VAMPIRE PRIEST – “That one’s going to be outrageous—I’ve got vampires, werewolves, zombies and a crossbreed called ‘zompires’ in it. We’re going to try to push the envelope so far with that one—it’s just going to be balls to the wall, so hopefully that will show people we mean business as far as the gore is concerned.”
LOVE IS HELL – This will mark the directorial return of Frank “BASKET CASE” Henenlotter and will be about a guy who repeatedly commits suicide but doesn’t die and ends up giving his soul to a succubus.
UNSEEN – A town is invaded by mysterious beings. The director of EVILSPEAK may direct it.
FAITH – “It’s a classic battle of good and evil, a community leader vs. a powerful satanist.” By "classic" do they really mean "as generic as they come?"
THE CLOWN – Satan arrives at a carnival disguised as a clown and searching for a necklace with special powers. Would anyone be shocked if I told you the guy responsible for LEPRECHAUN is behind this one?
VARMIT – A small town is terrorized by a giant, murderous animal. Sounds generic but I’m probably looking forward to this more than any of the others. My fingers are crossed for the monster to turn out to be some big mutant rabbit along the lines of THE GODMONSTER OF INDIAN FLATS.
BROTHERHOOD OF THE UNDEAD – Dead soldiers come back to life as flesh-eating zombies. Hasn't this movie already been made? I'd swear I've seen it before.
SOMETHING WICKED – A Lovecraftian thriller about a demon summoned in the 15th century that stalks the family of a countess who first raised him from the underworld. You're going to have to forgive me hear but I'm generally leery of any low budget horror movie described as "Lovecraftian."
SCARED YET? – A college fraternity buys a haunted house. They’re touting it as “SCREAM meets ANIMAL HOUSE.”
Finally today, let me welcome Martin Leggett to the Bad Movies Dot Net family and also let everyone who that the Schlocktoberfest site is currently down but should be back up in a day or two, hopefully. Guess what website’s servers are in a state that just got hit by a hurricane? Arrgh! What’s that? They’re already back up? Hooray! Expect a ton of updates to various pages including a new Foyeurism and the second part of my Summer Movie Quiz by Monday.
Scott Foy
posted by Scott 9:49 AM | Comments
Thursday, September 18, 2003
The Marvellous Movie Report
Hi, I'm the new guy. I'm Martin from the UK, I run a small movie website of my own but I'm glad to be the latest minion of the mighty Stomp Tokyo empire. The report name is subject to change as I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear.
Dark Horizons and CHUD have broken the news that Warner have sent out a press release announcing that Christian Bale will play Batman in the next film based on the caped crusader. This has come as a pleasant surprise, and a great relief after sitting through Val Kilmer and George Clooney both massacre the role. Bale is a fine actor and well-suited to what is potentially a very dark and complex character. The director and co-writer for the picture, Christopher Nolan, was quoted as saying "What I see in Christian is the ultimate embodiment of Bruce Wayne. He has exactly the balance of darkness and light that we were looking for." All well and good, but while I loved Nolan’s Memento, he’s co-writing Batman 5 with the extremely overrated David Goyer so Batman isn’t out of the woods yet.
The WWE wrestler Triple H has signed on to be the lead in a movie written by John Milius of Apocalypse Now and Conan the Barbarian fame according to Reuters. Described as a 'modern day western' it will go by the title Journada del Muerte (Journey of Death) and was written specifically for Triple H himself. Triple H and his bride-to-be Stephanie McMahon (daughter of WWE's owners Vince and Linda McMahon) have been attempting to sell themselves to Hollywood studios for film roles a great deal recently, but interestingly enough Journada del Muerte will be the first film to be released under the WWE Productions name. To put this in perspective, though Triple H is also set to have a minor role in Blade:Trinity, in order to get a leading role in something for their World Champion, World Wrestling Entertainment have had to create their own film production company. In fact while shopping himself around in Hollywood, its said that Triple H was surprised to discover that barely anybody had heard of him, unlike Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock who people actually like. Whether this is a grim foreshadowing for Triple H's film career remains to be seen, but he will be praying this latest McMahon venture is more successful than the XFL and the World Bodybuilding Federation.
You might have read recently about White Wolf, the company responsible for paper RPG games such as Vampire: The Masquerade, was taking legal action against Sony Pictures and the producers of Underworld for alleged copyright infringements. It is claimed that Underworld borrows heavily from the ‘World of Darkness’ in which their games are set, and has lifted story elements from a story published in 1994 called ‘Love of Monsters’. The injunction they had requested in court, a temporary restraining order on the release of the picture, was not granted by the presiding judge however he did grant a 30 day ‘discovery’ period which will be followed by a preliminary injunction hearing. White Wolf are encouraged by this and I’m sure they’ll win seeing as they invented vampires, werewolves, and the story of two starcrossed lovers who are members of warring families, whose love will only end in tragedy. Didn’t they? Right?
In other comic adaptation news Fangoria tells us that Blade’s foe has been named for the upcoming Blade: Trinity, taking the form of Dominic Purcell, most recently seen as the lead in Fox’s John Doe. While not someone I had considered as a possible opponent for our shadowy hero, his never having been part of a cheesy British 80’s pop band is encouraging. The film will also star Jessica Biel, Ryan Reynolds, Kris Kristofferson and the previously mentioned Triple H while writer David Goyer also takes the director’s chair this time around. Lets hope he directs better than he writes.
MonkeyPeaches reports that the new film from Zhang Yimou (Raise the Red Lantern, Hero) called Shi Mian Mai Fu (translates as Ambush From Ten Directions, cool!) has just gone into production in the Ukraine, with filming in China to take place later in the year. Starring Zhang Ziyi (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), Andy Lau (Infernal Affairs), Takeshi Kaneshiro (Returner) and Anita Mui (Drunken Master 2) Yimou promises a lavish, good old fashioned martial arts movie set during the Ming Dynasty and Tong Ching Siu-Tung is back as action choreographer so this film should look pretty spectacular. There’s also a chance we’ll get to see it, as Yimou has resolved to make sure Miramax gets nowhere near anything else he makes after they bought up the rights to his previous film Hero and then more or less refused to release it. Despite her recent announcement that Anita Mui is suffering from cervical cancer, her role in the film is unaffected. She is not in the Ukraine for the filmingwhich had fuelled speculation, but producer Zhang Weiping insists that there were no plans for her to film there anyway. Lets hope Anita gives herself enough time to recover from her illness also.
Monkeypeaches also brings news of selections for the next Academy Awards’ Best Foreign Language Film category. The epic-looking Chinese production Warriors of Heaven and Earth was played in just enough theatres in China in order to qualify and was chosen as an official entry. The film was partly financed by Columbia Tristar, who will also handle western distribution, trailers and clips can be seen on the official site linked above. Also, Hong Kong will be represented at the next Oscars by the excellent Infernal Affairs, which cleaned up at the Hong Kong Film Critics awards earlier this year along with Hero. Speaking of Infernal Affairs, MonkeyPeaches currently have links of a trailer and production clip for the film’s forthcoming prequel on their main page.
Eli Roth, director of Cabin Fever recently contacted Harry over at AICN to let him know that thanks to the recent success of horror movies on the big screen, a new Childs Play movie is now on the cards. After Universal declared that the series was more or less dead, its good to see they’ve come to their senses, even if its only for financial reasons. The current name for the project is believed to be Seed of Chucky, so one can only assume they’ll be carrying on from where the last film left off as many had hoped. I believe we are still waiting for official confirmation on this however. Roth also mentioned that his production company Raw Nerve has announced its first project - 2001 Maniacs from Tim Sullivan, which will star Robert Englund. Could be fun.
Lastly, for those looking for something a little different, acclaimed Korean horror film A Tale of Two Sisters is due for a domestic Korean DVD release in mid-October and will be available through a number of international online stores such as YesAsia. From Kim Jee-Woon, the director of the excellent The Quiet Family and The Foul King, the online buzz has been pretty good for this one and if you have a multi-region DVD player this could be well worth checking out. The Flash-tastic official website for the movie can be found here.
Martin Leggett
posted by Martin 8:25 AM | Comments
ManiaFest 2003
ManiaFest bills itself as "a major genre film festival, celebrating the work of science fiction, fantasy, and horror screenwriters & filmmakers." The festival begins today in Santa Monica, California, and runs through September 21st. See the official web site for more info.
posted by Christopher 5:34 AM | Comments
Monday, September 15, 2003
The FoyWonder's Schlock Report for 9-15-03
Unwanted remakes, wacky rumors, talking dogs, AMC Monsterfest 2003 is going to suck, and the WB Network is Satan personified! All this and more in today's update!
First up, if this report actually proves to be true then it is indeed yet more proof that Hollywood has lost their collective minds. Creature Corner is reporting that Dimension Films, who have produced ever HALLOWEEN movie from 6 on up, is planning to throw big money John Carpenter’s way to get him to come to the franchise he created. However, it isn’t so that he can make a new sequel. Nope, they’ve got something more brilliant in mind. Quoting Creature Corner, "Dimension is seeking to have Carpenter draft and direct a Halloween update rather than further the new stream of continuity revamped in H20 and carry on in HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION. They want to start from scratch. Re-introduce Lori Strode, Dr. Loomis, and Michael Myers to a new generation of audiences apparently believed to be (by the studio execs) "video store deprived." Yeah, that’s just brilliant. The one movie in the franchise that’s actually good and they want to remake it. Just forget all those lousy sequels they’ve been spewing forth the last couple of year. Hey, why not just remake HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH instead? You know the one that had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the previous two movies? Nobody will give a damn if anyone remakes that and screws it up royally.
Dark Horizons is reporting a rumor that Rockstar Games is in talks with Paramount about an upcoming movie adaptation of GRAND THEFT AUTO: VICE CITY that would star Ray Liotta (who also provides the voice of the lead character in the game) and be directed by Uwe “HOUSE OF THE DEAD” Boll. Personally, I’m just not buying this one or at least the Uwe Boll as director portion of it. I think this is just somebody’s idea of a joke since Uwe Boll’s name seems to be attached to every video game movie in the works these days. Please God, let this rumor be just that!
“BLACKHAWK DOWN with werewolves” is how the movie SILVER STRIKE is being described. Variety reports that Fox 2000 paid big bucks buying the pitch for this supernatural action thriller about a military squad that heads to Europe for a mission only to discover their opposition are werewolves. Let me get this straight. Some guy in Hollywood just became rich because he came up with the idea to just remake DOG SOLDIERS without the British accents? Sheesh!
Those eagerly awaiting the Cheech & Chong reunion movie will need light up and chill out for a while longer. The whole project has been put on the backburner due to Tommy Chong being sentenced to nine months in prison for selling bongs over the internet. Heck, sounds to me like they have the plot to the movie right there. Have Cheech & Chong go to jail for selling drug paraphernalia over the internet. It could be like a 50-something stoner’s version of STIR CRAZY.
They just can’t make enough talking animal movies for my money and now one more in on the way courtesy of a $10 million Canada/UK co-production called BAILEY, about a talking mutt who sniffs his way to the top, becoming top dog of an animal rights group. Oh wonderful, let’s throw in some annoying political messages to match the annoying talking pooch and I know the talking pooch is going to be annoying as hell because Jon Lovitz will be providing it’s voice. On the human front, Dean Cain will be starring in the movie so right there the odds are high that this one ends up going straight to video. Joining him will be Jennifer Tilly and Tim Curry as the evil couple out to name the titular golden lab retriever. Yeah, this reeks of direct to video. Expect the movie to be released sometime next year.
Ain’t It Cool News reports that a POLICE ACADEMY 8 is indeed in the works and contract negotiations are underway? This news comes to them via Michael Winslow, who is best known as the black guy who made all the sound effects in the POLICE ACADEMY movies and… Now that I think about, what else has this guy been in since the POLICE ACADEMY movies? Wouldn’t surprise me to find out this was more wishful thinking on his part than anything else. I’m sure making another one of these movies is a lot better than standing on the street corner with a sign that says “Will Mimic The Sound A Sprinkler Makes For Food!”
Again, I don’t believe this one for a second but Dark Horizons says that Steven Spielberg is apparently considering helming a live action version of the anime series Lupin the Third. Like I said, don’t buy it. I’m sure many fans of the show would probably breathe a sigh of relief to find out it is just a rumor.
Despite having a CBS TV-series back in the early 90s that got clobbered in the ratings be The Cosby Show before vanishing from the network dial, DC Comics’ The Flash is headed back to the small screen on the WB Network thanks in large part to the success of Smallville. In fact, this Flash TV series will be done very much in the same vein as Smallville. For starters, no red costume adorned with lightning bolts because the show will be based on his pre-superhero years when he was just a lowly post-graduate student. However, the most notable change is that this Flash can move so fast that he can actually go forwards and backwards in time. Uh huh. I suppose we can also expect a soundtrack guaranteed to make Carson Daly grin like an idiot. Let me just go ahead and predict that this one will have a shorter life span than the CBS version.
Superheroes aren’t the only ones unsafe from the WB as the network is also developing a show called Jack & Bobby, a WB’ized dramatization of John F. Kennedy and Robert Kennedy when they were of the same age as the WB’s target demographic. Excuse me a moment while I go vomit.
This just in: New Line Cinema is developing a movie called TITANS about the Greek Gods back when they were of the same age as the WB’s target demographic. The movie will focus on pretty teen versions of Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, and Hades who must come to grips with the fact that they are gods in time to stop the rampaging Titans, Kronos and Lucifer, who are pillaging the world. No, this is not some sort of sick joke. The Hollywood Reporter reported it just this morning. It looks like the production company run by Mark Steven Johnson, the director of DAREDEVIL and the upcoming GHOST RIDER flick and ELECTRA spin-off movie, is behind this potential cinematic atrocity.
American Movie Classics has finally posted its line-up for October 27-31 when it traditionally hosts the network’s annual Monsterfest. Alas, Monsterfest 2003 looks like a real stinker this year. Contrary to what had been previously reported, PINATA: SURVIVAL ISLAND will not be debuting and there will be no Godzilla marathon as there has been in the past. Most of the actual classics (what few they are actually showing) are relegated to the wee hours of the morning and the primetime slots will be occupied by the likes of ALIEN: RESURRECTION and HALLOWEEN 2-5. The only interesting thing they’re showing is a new one-hour special called Fang Versus Fiction: The Real Underworld of Vampires and Werewolves, featuring scientists, sociologists, weapons experts, and "self-described vampires and werewolves" shedding light on the myths and realities of both vampirism and shapeshifting. But guess what? That special isn’t even being saved for Halloween. It debuts on AMC September 17th to help capitalize on the release of UNDERWORLD. And if you’re thinking about tuning into the Sci-Fi Channel for Halloween this year, well, I hope you like the WISHMASTER movies because you’re going to be watching all four of them back to back.
Despite the impending suckiness of AMC’s Monsterfest 2003 line-up, there’s still more Monsterfest related news to talk about as AMC is branching out in order to capitalize on the success of their annual Monsterfest. AMC, Falcon Picture Group and Genius Productions will initially produce and distribute a MonsterFest DVD Collection next month. Retailing for $9.99, it will consist of two dvds with two movies on each disc. The Monsterfest Collection will be subtitled “Roger Corman Presents” and feature digitally remastered versions of four of his titles currently in public domain: A BUCKET OF BLOOD, THE TERROR, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, and THE WASP WOMAN. They are hoping to release more in the future including non-public domain movies.
If that’s not enough AMC Monsterfest for you, there is also a new line of Japanese import figures coming out early next year based on some of the cheesier movie monsters of the atomic age of monster movie cinema. Figures based on the three-eyed mutant from THE DAY THE WORLD ENDED and the SHE CREATURE itself will be the first to debut while a figure based on WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST complete with a bus hoisted above it’s head to follow. You can see images of the first two figures here and even preorder them if you want but be warned, these PVC figures are not cheap as they are going for anywhere between $32 and $35 each.
Finally today, I’m sure you all have seen DICKIE ROBERTS: FORMER CHILD STAR by now, right? Okay, I’m sure you all have seen the previews for DICKIE ROBERTS: FORMER CHILD STAR by now, right? Remember the part where David Spade jumps onto the Slip ‘N’ Slide without water? Yeah, I know, hysterical, huh? Well, guess what? Wham-O, the company that manufactures the Slip ‘N’ Slide are suing the makers of the movie charging the makers of the movie violated its trademark by using the product without permission. Actually, there’s more to the story and you can read all about it here.
Scott Foy
posted by Scott 8:38 AM | Comments
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