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Wednesday, September 10, 2003
THE FOYWONDER'S SCHLOCK REPORT FOR 9-10-03
Another slow news week but here’s something for you to choke on!
How the hell does this man keep getting funding? Uwe Boll, director of next month’s HOUSE OF THE DEAD and next year’s ALONE IN THE DARK, has secured another $30 million funding for his next video game movie based on Playstation 2’s BLOODRAYNE, based around a red-haired female half-human, half-vampire battling the forces of darkness. Yeah, it’s basically a female version of BLADE. Now I’ll ask again, how does this man keep getting funding? From what I’ve been told by others with connections to the movie industry, even many of the production people who work with Uwe Boll call him “a hack and a half.” It’ll be interesting to see what happens to his career after HOUSE OF THE DEAD opens (and most likely tanks huge) next month. Somewhere Albert Pyun is probably kicking himself for not jumping on the video game bandwagon. Those still needing a bit more proof about the impending cinematic crappola that will be HOUSE OF THE DEAD need only watch the movie’s trailer linked here. Where the hell is the house?
Speaking of female vampires, the makers of the movie UNDERWORLD have been sued by White Wolf, the parent company behind the uber-popular Vampire: The Masquerade and Werewolf: The Apocalypse role-playing games. The game company claims that there are more than 60 similarities between its two role-playing games and the movie and they also claim the vary premise of UNDERWORLD borrows heavily from "Love of Monsters," a Nancy A. Collins novel based on the games." No response yet from the UNDERWORLD camp but it may all prove to be moot after this weekend since advance word on the film is thus far extremely underwhelming.
Two more unnecessary horror remakes are in the works. The first is a remake of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR, a movie that has already spawned so many bad sequels that it’s not even funny. Variety reports that Daniel Farrands who did a well-received TV documentary called AMITYVILLE 2000 based on the real life events that inspired the book and subsequently the movie has been hired to direct the remake. Farrands also wrote HALLOWEEN: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS but we’ll try not to hold that against him. Meanwhile, Entertainment Weekly reports that Sony and NBC are going to make a TV-movie remake of Stephen King’s possessed car thriller CHRISTINE. They really should just leave well enough alone
INTO THE BLUE, a movie about a young treasure-hunting couple who happens upon a stash of cocaine that puts them in the path of unsavory salvagers. The young couple will be played to pretty to look at but vacuous to the core tandem of Paul Walker and Jessica Alba. Hopefully they will spend a lot of screen time soaking wet in skimpy bathing suits because I shudder at the prospects of these two having to carry a movie on their own.
BEETHOVEN’S 5TH! Yep, the big St. Bernard has another direct-to-video in the works with a December 2nd release date already scheduled. This is the epitome of cranking out a family film fast and cheap.
Two DVDs are now out that should be a part of every lover of schlock’s collection. The first is the brand new special edition DVD of Q, THE WINGED SERPENT from Blue Underground. The audio commentary with writer/director alone makes it worth the purchase. The second is the brand new special edition DVD of HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN from Anchor Bay. I haven’t gotten my copy just yet but it to features an audio commentary track with the writer and director of the movie. Sadly, Roddy Piper didn’t take part. Both DVDs are available for under $15.
Finally today, I have a bit more information regarding the now in production MAN-THING movie in an article I wrote for Creature Corner. I’d be lying if I said I had any expectations for this movie being even remotely good whatsoever.
Scott Foy
posted by Scott 6:11 AM | Comments
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