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Friday, September 05, 2003
Zombies need brains
Joe Littrell points out this Daily Telegraph article about the recent zombie renaissance. Thanks Joe!
posted by Christopher 12:44 PM | Comments
THE FOYWONDER'S SCHLOCK REPORT FOR 9-5-03
Let’s finish up the week on a bad note, shall we?
Just a few days after word comes that yet another remake of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS is in the works comes word from Coming Soon that yet another remake of THE FLY is now in the works. This would mark the 3rd remake of THE FLY and apparently the people at Fox Searchlight Pictures never saw the 1986 David Cronenberg version starring Jeff Goldblum or else they’d already know that the odds of improving on the movie are nil.
Speaking of mutant insect movies, here’s a reminder that this Saturday night is the world premiere of BUGS on the Sci-Fi Channel. Yeah, I know, but the previews for this one actually gives the impression that it might actually end up being a fun throwback to the monster movies of the past. Giant, mutant bugs take over a city's subway tunnels, eating through any human who crosses their paths! A city engineer teams with a biologist to exterminate the insects — before the queen breeds a new batch! Unfortunately, BUGS stars Antonio Sabato Jr. and Angie Everhart, a made for the Sci-Fi Channel duo if there ever was, but my fingers are still crossed for this one.
The next Marvel Comic turned big screen movie has begun shooting in Australia. Yes, Virginia, there really is a MAN-THING movie! And it’s going to be shooting until March of next year! I’m not sure if 6 months to film a MAN-THING movie with the director of THE LAWNMOWER MAN and VIRTUOSITY at the helm and starring a no name cast is a good sign or not. I also don’t know for sure whether this is a good thing or a bad thing but reading the plot description posted on Moviehole it certainly sounds like the movie will have little in common with the comic book version. The movie is said to focus on a real estate tycoon named F.A. Schist (Get it? F.A. Schist? Fascist? Oooh boy!) who wants to drain parts of the Everglades to build an airport, which is protested by the local Seminole Indians (who are being pushed out of their historic homelands). As the developer's crewmen delve deeper and deeper into the swamp, one of them shows up dead, leading Schist to blame the tribe. The Seminoles know, however, that there is "something" in the swamp, something that burns those who know fear... “Something” tells me they are going to radically alter Man-Thing’s origins so as to avoid any further comparisons with SWAMP THING. Personally, I’m a sucker for a good swamp monster movie so I hope it turns out good but I still can’t believe this movie is actually getting made and getting a theatrical release to boot.
ABC, the network responsible for Am I Hot? , The Family, and I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!, will continue to pollute the airwaves with, get this, an awards show honoring the best network and cable reality programs. The show is set to air this fall and will feature such categories like “Best Show” and “Best Twist.” Can I recommend a few other categories like “Person Voted Too Stupid To Live,” “Biggest Slut (Male or Female), “Female Contestant Most Likely To Pose For Hustler After Playboy Rejects Her,” and “Contestant Most Likely To Eat Something That Gross Even If He Wasn’t On TV?” As an employee of an ABC network affiliate, I would like to apologize in advance for the airing of this special. I’d also like to apologize for the new TGIF line-up but that’s another story altogether.
Finally, for the third time in as many weeks, a major motion picture is being released that is apparently soooooo good that the studio didn’t even feel the need to screen it ahead of time for critics. This time it’s the Heath “Wasn’t I The Next Big Thing Just 3 Years Ago?” Ledger as a priest (I’ll buy that for a dollar!) battling supernatural foes in THE ORDER. Since the movie also stars Shannyn “What do you mean? I always look like I just woke up from a three day bender?” Sossamon, perhaps they should have camped up the dialogue, added some arena rock, and called the movie A PRIEST’S TALE? Or not.
Scott Foy
posted by Scott 8:30 AM | Comments
Thursday, September 04, 2003
THE FOYWONDER'S SCHLOCK REPORT FOR September 4, 2003
Good morning, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea, let’s go to press!
Here’s a movie for lovers of 50’s b-movies and the biggest surprise is that a major studio is actually going to release it early next year. Called THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVERA and made for only $40,000, one look at the trailer and its obvious the flick is a YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN-style spoof of the drive-in movies of the 50’s complete with aliens, monsters, and overly serious scientists. Here’s a link to the movie’s official website and trailer. It is definitely worth a look.
The mystery of what Marvel Comic movie adaptation Jessica Simpson will star in has finally been solved. I know you were all on the edge of your seats racking your brains over this one. Will she be in SPIDER-MAN 2? No. Will she play Sue Storm in THE FANTASTIC FOUR? No. Is she starring in MORT, THE DEAD TEENAGER? Why yes! Wait a minute. What the hell is MORT, THE DEAD TEENAGER? I’m not familiar with this one. According to Superhero Hype, who broke the story, its sort of a GHOST WORLD meets BEETLEJUICE type comedy about a teenager named Mort who is hit by a train, dies, meets some supernatural being named Teeth Death, and sent back to haunt the people who knew him in life. Since Mort is obviously a male, Simpson will play the female lead in the film. Like I said, I’m not familiar with this comic. I just hope the movie is more entertaining than MY BOYFRIEND’S BACK.
The Rock vs. the Predator? According to Moviehole, it could happen in the very near future. Since Ah-nuld may end up being tied up with gubernatorial duties for the foreseeable future, the People’s Champion is being considered for the lead in PREDATOR 3. Another PREDATOR movie has been in the planning stages for so long that I’ll be amazed if this one ever reaches the stage where they actually make The Rock a formal offer to star in it. Although, I do smell a potential Wrestlemania main event.
Speaking of unnecessary sequels, HIGHLANDER may be getting three more. The Hollywood North Report spoke to one of the actors involved who was nice enough to warn us…I mean inform us that the idea for a HIGHLANDER trilogy in the same vein as LORD OF THE RINGS was being shopped around. Sorry, but I suspect making three movies consecutively would be about as close as HIGHLANDER could come to being in the same vein as LORD OF THE RINGS. The HIGHLANDER franchise is about as cold as STAR TREK is right now.
If you were one of the people eagerly awaiting ID4 2 then you’re going to be waiting for what looks like an eternity. Now get this. Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin claim that they turned in their script for the sequel to the studio and the response from the studio execs was very positive yet the duo have all but scrapped plans to make the movie. According to Devlin, they like the script but don’t think it’s as good as the original so they have put plans for the sequel on hold. Hey, I don’t know what the real story is but there is no way in hell you’re going to convince me that this movie isn’t going to get made because those two aren’t happy with the script. These two aren’t exactly known for their stellar screenwriting skills and considering how much money the original ID4 grossed its hard to believe the studio wouldn’t want to make a sequel even if the script wasn’t as good as the original. And let’s be honest, the original’s script wasn’t exactly quality screenwriting to begin with. Something tells me there’s a lot more to this story not the least of which may have something to do with the fact that Will Smith has been saying every chance he gets that he isn’t interested in being in the sequel.
Also not coming soon to a theater near you, the live-action AEON FLUX. Coming Soon reports that MTV Films and Paramount have pulled the plug on the project. It’s probably for the best.
Another mediocre movie that made just enough money to justify (in somebody’s mind) a direct-to-video sequel is BULLETPROOF MONK. I find this very, very hard to believe but Kung Fu Cinema reports that one is in the work but the only returning star from the theatrical original will be Jamie King. Again, I am highly suspect of this sequel getting made. Oh, the same report claims that John DeLancie, aka Q from Star Trek: The Next Generation, will also appear in the movie. Repeat after me: WE DON’T NEED A BULLETPROOF MONK SEQUEL!
According to Ain’t It Cool News, the latest movie up for a needless remake is 1979’s PENITENTIARY. One of the last of the seventies blacksploitation movies, the original was a rather sleazy tale of rape, murder, and sweaty black men in prison. I suspect the remake will be more of the same only with a hip-hop soundtrack and a lot of what made the original edgy circumcised. You know, just like they did with the SHAFT remake?
“THE MATRIX meets THE CROW” is how THE LAST APOSTLE is being described. According to the Hollywood Reporter, this Gothic future action movie about the never-ending battle between good and evil is in the works. The movie’s antihero who is the only hope for mankind will be played by human charisma void Paul Walker. Why is Paul Walker considered an A-list star? Somebody tell Hollywood that the cars were the real stars and selling points of THE FAST & THE FURIOUS movies and not this guy. Oh well, I suspect they’ll becoming to realize that the guy is really nothing more than the second coming of Casper Van Dien soon enough.
Finally, I have a new review up at Creature Corner of the SIGNS rip-off SILENT WARNINGS. You can read my warning about this movie right here!
Scott Foy
posted by Scott 9:23 AM | Comments
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Robert Englund loves Freddy
Reader Joe Littrell passes on this link to an article with Robert Englund's thoughts about his career and the character of Freddy Krueger.
posted by Christopher 12:56 PM | Comments
Sunday, August 31, 2003
R.I.P. Charles Bronson
B-movie legend Charles Bronson died Saturday, August 31st, 2003, of pneumonia, according to his publicist and Reuters reports.
Bronson, known for a variety of b-movies including the Death Wish series, was 81.
See CNN.com for the full story.
posted by Christopher 11:14 PM | Comments
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