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Thursday, August 28, 2003
The Foywonder's Schlock Report for 8-28-03
Talk about a slow news week. Well, here’s something for everyone to choke on!
A moment of silence for the “TBS Originals.” A little over a week ago the new guy in charge of Superstation TBS officially pulled the plug on their original movies. That means no more great movies like ATOMIC TWISTER, ON HOSTILE GROUND, EVIL NEVER DIES, NOWHERE TO LAND, or their most recent masterpiece RED WATER. The new guy in charge of the Superstation thinks reality based programming along the lines of “Ripley’s Believe It Or Not” is the way to go and all the money that once went to making their “TBS Originals” will now be spent on developing and producing new reality shows. The irony is that their most recent movie RED WATER pulled in about 7 million viewers and was a bonafide hit. Somehow I don’t think they are going to pull in those kinds of ratings with reality shows, especially since the ratings have seen a steep decline in the genre for the reality shows on the major networks. Don’t be surprised to see the “TBS Originals” return in a few years and a certain TBS programming exec getting the boot. Until then, I guess this means that the Sci-Fi Channel now officially inherits the title of being “the worst movie studio on television.” Expect a tribute to the “TBS Originals” in my next Foyeurism column.
Macauley Culkin as Hannibal Lecter? It just might happen. Hot Dog Magazine (whatever that is) is reporting that Dino DeLaurentiis was so impressed by Culkin's performance in the upcoming movie PARTY MONSTER about a murder among the gay New York club kid set that he's considering him for the role of a young Hannibal Lecter in the planned prequel THE LECTER VARIATIONS. Perhaps he needs to go back and rewatch THE GOOD SON before making any decisions.
I would call this an unnecessary remake but since it has already been remade several times before anyway I don’t see why I should bother saying so. INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS will be remade yet again. This will mark the fourth version of the pod people invasion and this one will come to us courtesy of the producers of THE RING. Hopefully it will be better than 1993’s somewhat lackluster BODY SNATCHERS. According to Cinescape, JEEPERS CREEPERS director Victor Salva is rumored to be directing it. If JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 doesn’t do that well this weekend don’t be surprised to never hear his name associated with this project again.
If you can sing then that automatically means you can act, right? I mean just look at FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY which debuted on video/DVD this week. For whatever reason, the name Jessica Simpson is getting talked about for a whole slew of projects. It seems the blonde bubblegum popstar is up for the leads in the remake of the musical BYE BYE BIRDIE and the big screen version of I DREAM OF JEANNIE. Even worse, MSN reports that Simpson may have scored a role in SPIDER-MAN 2. If they cast her as The Black Cat than expect to hear Spidey fans everywhere collectively vomit.
Jean Claude Van Damme’s career continues to circle the drain. His next movie AFTER DEATH is already on (possibly indefinite) hiatus even though filming hasn’t even begun. Filming was set to begin this week but production was halted because the British financier never cut the final check. According to the Hollywood Reporter, the reason he didn’t do so was because he “had a nervous breakdown and was taken to a hospital in London.” Hey, if I were about to blow $20 million on a Van Damme movie I’d probably have a nervous breakdown too. The Muscles from Brussels is currently back in Los Angeles until the end of the month when it’s believed they will have the money to begin shooting the movie.
According to Ain’t It Cool News, a remake of the 70’s gonzo kung fu classic MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE is in the works but the Hollywood remake will be tailored to an “urban” audience and sport a hip-hop soundtrack. Simply put – this will suck!
Wacky rumor for the week: "FilmJudge" reports a rumor that Tsui Hark may be directing a live action MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE movie. Wait, wasn’t it John Woo who was said to be doing that just a week or two ago?
Fangoria reports that the MPAA forced the officially HOUSE OF THE DEAD to be shut down do to being “too violent.” They really are quite anal about stuff like that ever since Senator Lieberman and Congress deemed Hollywood as the supreme destroyer of mankind. Then again, its hard to get too worked up over this since the movie is said to be so terrible it will probably outright bomb anyway. Changes are being made to the site and a relaunch is planned very soon.
Dreamworks and Robert Zemeckis will produce MONSTER HOUSE about a group of kids who discover the house next door is actually a living breathing monster and are now forced to stop whatever evil it is up to. This one falls into the "either its going to be surprisingly clever or just plain painful to sit through" category.
Guess what begins filming later this year? RETURN TO SLEEPAWAY CAMP! Are you excited because I’m not? Seriously, are the SLEEPAWAY CAMP movies that popular that they deserve a revival?
Finally today, I’ve had a busy week review wise. Earlier this week I did a review of TIMECOP 2 since I was able to get an advance sneak peek at it and today my review of the soul-sucking Ashton Kutcher (alleged) comedy MY BOSS’S DAUGHTER went up. Meanwhile at Creature Corner, I have review of two new nature run amok movies that came out this week, the surprisingly amusing William Katt schlocker SNAKE ISLAND and LEECHES!, David DeCoteau’s anti-steroids killer mutant leech movie with just a dash of homoeroticism.
Scott Foy
posted by Scott 10:48 AM | Comments
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