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Saturday, August 16, 2003
Charles Bronson "on his deathbed."
The IMDB and other sources report that legendary tough guy actor and B-movie superstar Charles Bronson is dying. Bronson has been battling Alzheimer's Disease for at least two years. One anonymous friend is quoted saying that the retired actor no longer remembers that he ever was an actor, much less a "big star". Recently hospitalized because of organ failure, the prognosis from doctors is to prepare for the worst. Bronson's wife Kim is reportedly bringing him home, which is where he had requested he spend his final hours, among friends and family.
Bronson is best known to movie fans for films like the Death Wish vigilante series, The Great Escape, and a number of gritty Italian-made detective films.
posted by Chadwick 8:07 PM | Comments
SCHLOCK ALERT: MONSTER
Debuting tonight on the Sci-Fi Channel is a monster movie with a truly original title: MONSTER. The movie is about the monstrous star of a series of 50's monster movies coming to life and terrorizing the town showing a film festival of its movies. Veteran character actor M. Emmet Walsh plays the old star of the '50s films who must now stop the monster in real life. The reviews on IMDB are pretty mixed with some saying it's a fun old-fashioned monster movie and the others calling it nothing short of awful. Everyone seems to agree that the CGI monster is one of the worst computer effects ever. Judge for yourself when MONSTER debuts on the Sci-Fi Channel tonight at 9pm EST. Another sign the movie might be really bad, it originally aired on UPN about 2 or 3 years ago. That's never a good sign.
posted by Scott 2:05 AM | Comments
Friday, August 15, 2003
FoyWonder's News Roundup for August 15, 2003
For those of you not currently affected by the Great Blackout of 2003, here’s some bad movie news guaranteed to make you want to go back and live in the Stone Age!
Hollywood Rule #1: If it makes money then the audience must be dying for more. Hollywood Misnomer #1: Just because it makes money doesn’t mean audiences want a sequel. If news the other day of BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE 2 wasn’t enough to make you want to crawl into the fetal position and weep for the species then perhaps a sequel to DADDY DAY CARE will do the trick! Hey, it made money and that automatically means sequel and it’s not as if Eddie Murphy is picky about his film projects these days. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the sequel will be entitled DADDY DAY CAMP and I doubt I have to tell you what the premise will be for this one.
Are you ready for “Herbie on Steroids?” What does that mean, you ask? It means that Miramax is developing a movie called PROJECT BIGFOOT based on the most famous of all monster trucks. In the film, Bigfoot will be a vehicle with a personality that does battle with some evil scientists with the help of Mama and Papa Bigfoot. I swear to God I am not making this up! The film is actually being billed as "Herbie, The Love Bug" meets SPY KIDS. According to Variety, Eric Bross (whose previous directing credits include the TV movie THE CHIPPENDALES MURDER and the Lance Bass stinkbomb ON THE LINE) will direct this “family film”. This has the potential to be so astoundingly bad that it actually becomes a camp classic.
Really bad news for fans of comedic films, Chris Kattan has a new one in the works. You’d think A NIGHT AT THE ROXBURY and CORKY ROMANO would have given the execs at Fox Searchlight a clue that this man has no business starring in movies but alas EL ROMANTICO is in the works. Kattan will play a neglected young man who is raised by a Mexican nanny and obsessed with Mexican soap operas to the point that he comes to believe that he’s actually a "modern Don Juan" and goes off searching for love. Shoot me now!
As previously reported The Olsen Twins have a big screen action comedy on the way called NEW YORK MINUTE. Here’s the plot as described by the Hollywood Reporter: In the tradition of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, the action comedy follows one monumental day in the lives of 17-year-old sisters Jane and Roxanne Ryan, adversaries who begrudgingly journey together from their Long Island home to New York City, where meticulously prepared overachiever Jane (Ashley) is due to deliver a speech to qualify for a prestigious college scholarship abroad. Meanwhile, laid-back punk rock rebel Roxy (Mary-Kate) hopes to get backstage at an underground music video shoot and slip her demo tape to the band. But Roxy and Jane's plans go wildly awry when a mix-up involving Jane's precious day planner lands them in the middle of a shady black market transaction. Pursued by an overzealous truant officer (Eugene Levy) and accused of kidnapping a Senator's dog, the Ryan’s must find a way to work together to thwart the forces threatening to jeopardize Jane's college dreams and ship Roxy off to a convent school.And their partner is a talking pie! Also starring in the flick is Andy Richter who is probably wishing he hadn’t left Conan couch right about now.
Nickelodeon would appear to be the Marvel Comics of cartoons when it comes to whoring out every last property they own to be made into a feature film. Honestly, is there really a market out there for a full-length movie version of The Fairly Oddparents? The answer to that question is moot because The Hollywood Reporter says Nickelodeon is going to produce an animated feature film of the series anyway.
BRIDE OF CHUCKY and FREDDY VS. JASON director Ronny Yu has optioned the rights to the popular anime BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE. The anime is the story of the last vampire hunter, Saya, on a mission to destroy what's left of a vampire menace shortly after WWII. Its tone is rather serious and even somewhat depressing and those are two things you don’t associate with Ronny Yu movies. Yu tells Sci-Fi Wire that he's going to expand the story from the anime, which runs less than an hour, by including the girls' backstory into the film and that Saya will be played by a Japanese girl. Whether or not he can prevent himself from turning it into a campy romp remains to be seen.
Not sure what to make of this one but Kevin Smith will soon take a crack at the sci-fi action genre with RANGER DANGER AND THE DANGER RANGERS, which is described as being in the vein of Flash Gordon. If Ben Affleck isn’t cast as Ranger Danger and the Danger Rangers aren’t portrayed as a group of chain-smoking, foul-mouthed potheads then this really will be a new step in Kevin Smith’s filmmaking career. We’ll find out when shooting begins Fall 2004.
Variety reports that Dimension Films has acquired the rights to Stephen Laws’ horror novel DARKFALL about a high-rise office building that absorbs office workers on into the walls and transforms them in mutated abominations on Christmas Eve. Supposedly the novel is quite good. Unfortunately, Dimension is making the movie and they could screw up a wet dream.
Finally today, we’ll be updating the “Schedule” page at the SCHLOCKTOBERFEST site sometime this weekend to include a description of our two newest additions to the line-up including DEMON HUNTER: THE LEGEND OF BLOOD MOUNTAIN, an extremely obscure horror comedy starring a 60’s horror host from Georgia named Bestoink Dooley. I would dare say it is the single worst movie virtually nobody has ever heard of. That’s why we’re billing it as “The Excruciator.”
-Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 6:59 PM | Comments
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
"Tremors - The Series" Cancelled
Stampede Entertainment announced recently that Tremors-The Series has been cancelled. While it did okay, it was not okay enough for the Sci-fi channel. On the good news side, Universal was so impressed with Tremors 4 (set in the old West) that the studio has moved the release to Christmas time, making it the perfect gift for the Graboid lovers out there.
–Chad H. "Chadzilla" Saxelid
posted by Christopher 6:13 PM | Comments
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
FoyWonder's News Roundup for August 12, 2003
Good morning, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea…let’s go to press!
Unless you’ve been living in a cave you know that FREDDY VS. JASON opens this Friday. New Line Cinema is really psyched about the movie and believes they have a real hit on their hands. Considering the competition playing in theaters right now I have a hard to disagreeing with them. Well, if a movie is a hit then there must be a sequel and there’s been talk of a sequel to FREDDY VS. JASON the past few months. Heck, I remember reading a ridiculous rumor about adding Leatherface to the mix and making the sequel a three-way battle. Well, Creature Corner posted a story today from a reliable source within New Line that claims the studio really likes the idea of having Freddy and Jason return and forced to team up to wage battle with that master of Deadite slaying himself, Ash. Yep, Bruce Campbell vs. Freddy and Jason may actually be in the cards. Personally, this sounds like one of those ideas that sounds groovy on paper but a nightmare (no pun intended) to execute on screen. Of course there are still plenty of obstacles to this even happening: the movie being a big hit, Campbell agreeing to do it, securing the right’s to the Ash character, New Line even deciding to go in the direction at all. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what if anything happens.
Here’s a sequel that absolutely nobody wants except for some idiots at Fox – BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE 2. Variety says it’s a done deal and that Martin Laurence will put on the latex old fat granny disguise again for the sequel. Adding to the sheer crappiness is the fact that the writer of SANTA CLAUSE 2, another sequel that had no business existing, will be scripting this one as well. If I read about a BLACK KNIGHT 2 getting the green light then I’m getting myself a gun and driving out to Hollywood to end the insanity.
You can’t keep a bad actor down especially when that bad actor is Steven Seagal. The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that the walking can of ever expanding whoop ass has another movie in the works that is sure to please those who love his “man of peace goes on a killing spree to right wrongs” shtick. This one also returns Seagal to his old trademark of starring in movies with three word titles. This time out Steven Seagal is OUT OF REACH. Now get this premise. Seagal plays a “government agent turned survivalist” who lives on a nature reserve in Northern Alaska and gets caught up in a fake foster care program that's really a "human trafficking operation" and so Seagal is forced to save the kiddies by killing as many bad guys as humanly possible. Adding to the hysterics will be the fact that Seagal is going to play a character named Billy Ray Lancing. Oh my! And the role of Alaska will be played by the nation of Poland. I’d say the odds of this one getting a theatrical release are slim and none unless they suddenly cast some other hip-hop star as his sidekick. Maybe Ludacris can play a park ranger? Anyway, those needing a Seagal fix sooner than that will be able to rent OUT FOR A KILL in about two weeks and see him stretch his acting skills as an ass-kicking archaeologist. And for those wondering, there hasn’t been any further word yet on Seagal planned GHENGHIS KHAN biopic that is supposed to shoot in Mongolia early next year.
In Hollywood’s continuing efforts to keep it from producing anything original, four more unnecessary remakes are now in the works. This first to report on thanks to the Hollywood Reporter is a utterly pointless remake of the 1986 Mark Harmon action thriller LET’S GET HARRY that is in development at Columbia Pictures. The original was about a group of men who set out to rescue their friend who has been taken hostage along with an American Ambassador and held for ransom in a South American jungle. The remake will be more or less the same. Next up, as reported by Variety, is a remake of the early 80s Michael Douglas thriller THE STAR CHAMBER about a disillusioned judge who joins a secret tribunal that imposes death sentences on criminals that have gotten off on technicalities. Also in development for a remake, HELTER SKELTER, based on the Vincent Bugliosi book about Charles Manson that was made as a TV movie back in the 70s. And Columbia is planning a remake of the musical BYE BYE BIRDIE even though a mediocre made-for-ABC remake of the musical aired less than 2-years ago. These are not good days to be a creative person with original ideas in Hollywood especially when they’re actually planning to remake movies that starred Mark Harmon of all people. Sheesh!
Make that five remakes in the works and I hope you are sitting down for this one! Disney is looking to remake MARY POPPINS. According to the LA Sun Times, brace yourself, Queen Latifah is up for the title role. While I’m all for colorblind casting and I have no personal beef with Queen Latifah, this just has bad idea written all over it. I don’t think the world is ready for a sassy, black Mary Poppins. It’ll be Gimme A Break! with musical numbers.
The Daily Star, whoever they are, has more potential casting news regarding that DUKES OF HAZZARD movie the world longs for. It seems Britney Spears as Daisy Duke is far from a lock as also being considered to fill the short shorts are Jessica Alba, Carmen Electra, and Australian model Megan Gale. So two latinas and an Australian are being considered for the role of the hotty sister in a Southern white trash family? Why should I complain about this when they want Anthony Anderson for Boss Hogg? Hell, why should I care, period?
Your wacky rumor for today comes courtesy of Ain’t It Cool News. Matt Damon to play SUB-MARINER in a big screen version of the Marvel Comics character? That’s the rumor. Personally, I thought they might actually be on the right track when they were talking about having Daniel Day Lewis play the role but I guess if Ben Affleck can play Daredevil and George Clooney can play Batman than Matt Damon as Sub-Mariner isn’t that big a stretch.
Here’s another reason why the James Bond series is pretty much chasing it’s own tail at this point – Mariah Carey will follow in Madonna’s footsteps by performing the theme song for and doing a cameo in the next James Bond or so DotMusic reports. So do the Bond producers not realize that associating Mariah Carey with any film project is the kiss of death?
Since the Terminator announced last week that he is indeed running for Governor of California all of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s planned projects are now on indefinite hiatus until further notice. So don’t expect to see his remake of WESTWORLD, T4, TRUE LIES 2, KING CONAN, or the family comedy BIG SIR anytime soon. In related news, Gary Coleman, who also announced earlier this week his intentions to run for Governor of California as well, does not have any upcoming projects that he’ll have to put on hold.
While it may not be bad movies news, I’m still going to warn you that pro wrestler “Macho Man” Randy Savage is set to come out with a rap CD sometime before the end of summer. Yes, I did say rap! Savage, who many may also remember from SPIDER-MAN as Bonesaw McGraw and as an adman advising us to “snap into a Slim Jim” is going to release an album containing such songs as "Be a Man" where Savage raps out a challenge to Hulk Hogan. Other tracks include "RU Ready" and "It's a Macho Thang.” If his singing voice sounds anything like his regular voice then this may very well surpass the infamous Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Band music CD from the early 90s. Heck, this might end up ranking right up there with Shatner’s “Mr. Tamborine Man.” Check out MachoMan.com for more info on this sure to be unintentionally hysterical album.
Finally today, a new “Foyeurism” double feature is up at the Schlocktoberfest site featuring my much-delayed in-depth review of THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY MATTE PAINTINGS, as I called it and my 122 minute descent into the hell known as GIGLI. Also, there’s a new “Easter Egg” up on the front page. You’d be surprised how many people haven’t been able to find the “Easter Egg” yet. Also, times running out on your chance to enter Part 1 of my Summer Movie Quiz for a chance to win a really bad movie on DVD. Check out the “Games” section for more details. We’ll also be adding two new movies to the line-up and telling you all about them on the “Schedule” page in the next 48 hours. I also have a new review up at Creature Corner for a low budget monster movie called ARACHNIA that’s actually worth going out of your way to see. You can read that review here.
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 7:29 AM | Comments
Shaolin Soccer delayed - again
Miramax has delayed the release of the HK hit Shaolin Soccer until September. Fortunately this keeps it from being pit against Freddy vs Jason, which premieres this weekend. Read the NY Post story.
posted by Christopher 4:40 AM | Comments
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