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Friday, August 01, 2003
A year of bad movies
We kind of let the actual date slip by quietly, but I thought this might be a good time to mention that Bad Movies Dot Net has been bringing you b-movie news and commentary for over a year. Pretty cool, huh?
If you like the job we've been doing, please link to us from your blog or website, or just send the URL to a friend. Thanks.
posted by Christopher 5:18 AM | Comments
News bytes for August 1, 2003
Stephen King's web site indicates that the semi-retired writer will start contributing a monthly column to Entertainment Weekly. Debuting August 8, the column will examine pop culture ad with alternate with the current back page feature "Stupid Questions with..." (Anything is better than "The Joel Stein Show". -Ed.)
Variety and Fangoria both report that Gone in Sixty Seconds screenwriter Scott Rosenberg is now tackling a remake of Michael Winner's semi-notorious freaks n' gore 1977 horror show, The Sentinel. No cast or director announced as of yet. The Sentinel?
posted by Christopher 5:17 AM | Comments
Thursday, July 31, 2003
WARNING: BIG SCREEN DUKES OF HAZZARD MOVIE COMING!
If we were to treat upcoming bad movies in much the same way the Office of Homeland Security treats potential terrorist threats, then today we should all officially raise the cinematic threat level to yellow. According to The Hollywood Reporter, a big screen version of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD is on the way. Actually, they’ve been planning this one for years. I remember not so long ago when they were talking about Brad Pitt and Matthew McConaughey for the leads. If only we were so lucky. Even more frightening than the prospects of this movie actually coming to life are the names supposedly interested in bringing to life the characters originated by such acting luminaries like John Schneider and Tom Wopat. Before I begin, please, I beg of you, if you are not sitting down, please do so before reading any further.
Bo Duke – THE FAST & THE FURIOUS’ Paul Walker
Luke Duke – “Media Whore of the Moment” Ashton Kutcher
Daisy Duke – Bubblegum Pop Princess Britney Spears
Boss Hogg – KANGAROO JACK’s Anthony Anderson
Let’s break this down, shall we?
Paul Walker in yet another driving movie? Look at this guy’s most high profile credits - FAST & THE FURIOUS, JOY RIDE, 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS, and now DUKES OF HAZZARD. It seems this guy refuses to take part in any movie that doesn’t involve him being behind the wheel of a car. Well, he is blonde and frankly there really isn’t much more than that required to play the part so I guess he fits.
Reportedly, Ashton Kutcher is such a huge fan of the TV series that he actually dressed as Luke Duke for Halloween last year. That begs the question as to how someone could consider dressing like Luke Duke to be a costume. It’s like putting on a tuxedo and immediately calling yourself James Bond. But getting back on topic, I suppose anything that keeps Kutcher from playing Batman or Superman is a good thing. Personally, I always envisioned Luke Duke as coming across as the smarter of the two Duke Boys. Oh well.
Even though she isn’t a brunette, I suppose Britney Spears could pull off a role as deep and layered as Daisy Duke especially since the only requirement for the role is to look really good in short shorts. Still, I can’t see too many people flocking to this movie just to see Britney in cutoffs since she usually shows more skin than that in her videos and live performances.
The potential casting of Anthony Anderson as Boss Hogg pretty much proves that the people in charge of this movie are probably sucking from a gigantic crack pipe as we speak. Boss Hogg is not a young man. He isn’t black either. They should be looking to cast someone along the lines of Danny Devito. Just because Anthony Anderson is fat, loud, and obnoxious does not necessarily make him right for this part. Besides, I can only suspect there may be a few raised eyebrows when a movie comes out about a bunch of good looking, young, white boys constantly thwarting the schemes of a boorish black man while driving a car emblazoned with the Confederate battle flag.
I wonder if the General Lee will even have the Confederate battle flag what with all the controversy surrounding it these days. Hell, the General Lee probably won’t even end up being a Dodge Charger anyway.
Seeing the direction the casting is going I suspect we’ll probably hear about Ja Rule being cast as Roscoe P. Coltraine and DJ Qualls as Enos. Hell, if Anthony Anderson can play Boss Hogg then maybe Samuel L. Jackson can play Uncle Jesse too! And I tell you I can’t wait to hear what popular band they hire to completely screw up the theme song with an “updated” version. Hmmm…a hip-hop version done by 50 Cent or a hard rockin’ version by POD?
The good news is that they don’t even have a script finished yet so we can all breathe easier…for now.
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 6:42 AM | Comments
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Bruce Campbell suffers minor injuries in car accident
Cult fave actor Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead, Bubba Ho-Tep) was released from the hospital after treatment, following the accident, which took place late on Saturday. The other driver, who struck Campbell's car, was still in critical condition on Sunday.
Thanks to Joe Littrell, who pointed us to the original AP story.
posted by Christopher 7:16 PM | Comments
FoyWonder's News Roundup for July 30, 2003
Having not learned her lesson from the apocalyptic disaster that was GLITTER, Mariah Carey will begin work on a new movie once here current tour comes to an end. Now get this, the movie is called SWEET SCIENCE and would cast Mariah Carey as a female boxer. Unless its actually a movie about “Foxy Boxing” I have a hard time imaging anyone taking her seriously in this movie either.
Anything you’ve read online about the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake being PG-13 isn’t true. Screenwriter James Gunn confirms that the film will be R-rated. If you’ve read the opinions of people online questioning whether or not DAWN OF THE DEAD even needs remaking, well, those opinions are still quite valid.
Len Wiseman, director of the upcoming vampire/werewolves action flick UNDERWORLD, has been signed by Disney to direct their upcoming supernatural spy film BLACK CHAPTER. Described as “LA FEMME NIKITA meets THE SIXTH SENSE,” the film is an action flick about ghosts employed by the CIA. Ghostly spies for the CIA? Why not just call the movie SPOOKS?
The totally uncalled for remake of BILLY JACK has a director now in the form of Peter Care, whose credits include numerous music videos, THE SECRET LIVES OF ALTAR BOYS, and an episode of Red Shoes Diaries. Still, don’t expect the movie for awhile since star Keanu Reeves is about a month away from beginning filming of CONSTANTINE, based on the popular comic book.
Does John Woo have the Power of Greyskull? According to a nameless source that contacted IGN FilmForce, the Hong Kong gone Hollywood director may very well be interested in doing a brand new MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE movie. It seems Woo is attracted to the mythic elements and period settings of the popular line of toys and cartoon. Wasn’t he supposed to do a new TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES movie too? Something tells me we won’t be seeing this one anytime soon either.
Troubling news from The Hollywood Reporter today as word comes out that MTV has signed Freddie Prinze Jr. to write and direct an original movie. The plot – a group of teenagers trying to throw a prom. Oh yeah, that’s real original.
The Hollywood North Report (who?) reports that Michael Keaton (remember him?) has signed on to star in WHITE NOISE about “a man who is contacted from beyond the grave by his murdered wife." Wait a minute, didn’t Kevin Costner just make this exact same movie last year but it was called DRAGONFLY? (Harrison Ford's What Lies Beneath comes to mind as well. -Ed.)
According to the Z Review, we can expect a CROW 5 in the near future. The twist will be that this one will feature a female Crow and be set in Hong Kong. This is another franchise that has long outworn its welcome and just needs to go away ASAP.
Two quick bits here. Johnny Depp, not Christopher Walken, is said to be the frontrunner for the lead in Tim Burton’s WILLY WONKA remake. Strangely enough, I could see him in the part. Also, Cameron Diaz is said to be the top choice to play Betty in the live-action BETTY & VERONICA movie based on the Archie Comic’s characters. But don’t be shocked if Archie himself is nowhere to be seen.
Warner Brothers has pushed back THE WHOLE TEN YARDS, the sequel to the sleeper hit THE WHOLE NINE YARDS, to April of 2004. Why push a movie that was scheduled to open in a matter of weeks back nearly half a year? It probably has something to do with that terrible trailer and those piss poor test screening scores. I suspect plenty of reshoots are in the works as we speak.
So the TOMB RAIDER sequel opened over the weekend to less-than-stellar box office and Paramount thinks they know why. Says a spokesperson for Paramount, "The only thing we can attribute that to is that the gamers were not happy with the latest version of the Tomb Raider video game, which is our core audience.” Yeah, that’s it! It’s because the latest Tomb Raider video game is dud! It has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that there simply weren’t many people clamoring for a sequel because the first film was so friggin’ awful that the majority of those who saw it had zero interest in seeing a live action Lara Croft ever again! But what do I know?
Thank God someone is keeping Stephen Baldwin employed! The least of the Baldwin clan can be seen in the upcoming direct-to-video release FIREFIGHT about a scorching forest fire that provides the backdrop for an armored car robbery and the subsequent involvement of a gang of psychotic thugs. Basically, it’s combining the plots of Howie Long’s disastrous FIRESTORM and Christian Slater’s equally disastrous HARD RAIN into one film with Roger Corman’s New Concorde producing it. Boy, you just know this one is going to suck hard. Expect it on video store shelves October 21st.
On September 23, 2003, the complete DVD boxset of the Sci-Fi Channel’s Black Scorpion TV series will be released. I got two questions. First question. Why? Second question. Are there really people out there who liked this dreadful series so much they would be willing to spend around $60 to own it on DVD? Seriously, the show got canned after one season because it was so horrible so why the hell is it getting the DVD treatment when there are so many other shows deserving of it? Okay, technically that’s three questions.
Only about 48 more hours until GIGLI hits theaters. For those who have been living under a rock, the Jennifer Lopez/Ben Affleck movie is said to be so ungodly awful that it rivals SHOWGIRLS and BATTLEFIELD EARTH in terms of sheer badness. To quote one critic, “GIGLI is so horrible I had to go cleanse my palate afterward by watching GLITTER.” We will all be able to find out just how horrible it really is when GIGLI opens in theaters on Friday.
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 5:55 AM | Comments
Monday, July 28, 2003
Schlocktoberfest 2003 lineup
Anyone who expected a weird and wonderful slate of b-movies from the organizers of Schlocktoberfest won't be disappointed in the inaugural lineup. The schedule of films, announced on the Schlocktoberfest web site today, includes: Sting of Death, Night Fright, Little Red Riding Hood (Mexican musical version), Brainiac, and more!
Read the full schedule with film synopses here.
posted by Christopher 6:14 AM | Comments
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