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Friday, July 18, 2003
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posted by Christopher 10:37 AM | Comments
FoyWonder's News Roundup for July 18, 2003
Some details have emerged regarding American Movie Classics’ annual Monsterfest (October 26-31) and from the sounds of things it seems AMC may be nearing the point where they need to just drop the “Classics” part altogether. We know there will be another HALLOWEEN marathon (Parts 2-5), the standard assortment of classic black and white monster movies, and most likely another Godzilla night but what makes this year stand out is the already announced programming for the opening night of October 26th. It’ll begin with AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS (Ouch!) followed by ALIEN: RESURRECTION (Eek!) and then topping it all of that evening is the television premiere of PINATA: SURVIVAL ISLAND! Yeah, baby! I have no idea what the hell the programmers at AMC are smoking but God bless them. If you have yet to experience the craptitude of PINATA: SURVIVAL ISLAND then let me point you in the direction of my review of the film from earlier this year (Ironically, it also marked my final NOWFF column). The images in the article alone should be enough to make every bad movie fan giddy with excitement. Expect more details regarding AMC’s Monsterfest 2003 to emerge real soon.
Sometimes you just have to wonder what some people in Hollywood are thinking. Coming soon to a theater near you – a live action version of HAGAR THE HORRIBLE. Yes, someone’s making an actual big screen version of that newspaper comic strip about a bumbling Viking. According to Variety, the movie may even employ some CGI characters like the upcoming GARFIELD movie. All I can say is that the title seems self-prophesying since this sounds like an absolutely horrible idea. I guess we should expect a HI & LOIS movie next?
Frank Darabont's Darkwoods Productions has optioned comic book character “Capt. Sternn”, who is a featured character in both the HEAVY METAL film and magazine. This definitely seems like an odd choice coming from a production company run by the guy who made THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION and THE GREEN MILE. We’ll just forget THE MAJESTIC, if that’s okay with you?
HOUSE OF THE DEAD, the reportedly God-awful movie adaptation of the zombie video game, has been moved from it’s original September 12th release date to either the last week of the month or the first week of October. The reason for the change can most likely be attributed to CABIN FEVER, the highly anticipated flesh eating virus horror movie, also being scheduled to open on the 12th. Whenever it opens I know I’ll be there because I’m dying to see if this movie really is as bad as it’s reported to be.
There are conflicting reports online stating that Warner Brothers’ CATWOMAN movie, which is to star Halle Berry, is dead. No point going into much details since nothing has been confirmed yet but it does appear the studio is in spin mode and that would most likely mean that there has been some sort of production snag. More info once somebody is actually able to confirm something one way or another.
Exactly when did Stan Lee turn into a horny old fart? First Stripperella and now Hef’s Superbunnies? Seriously, that’s what it’s called! Variety reports that Lee is partnering up with Playboy to create a new animated series starring Hugh Hefner as the leader of an elite crime-fighting team made up of various Playmates of the Month. I think maybe now would be a good time for Stan Lee to retire before we all cease being “true believers.”
Finally today, you know a movie must be horribly bad when even the film’s producer has no problem coming right out and saying how terrible it is. Now imagine how terrible the movie must be if that bitter producer is Troma honcho Lloyd Kaufman and the movie is called TALES FROM THE CRAPPER. Ain’t It Cool News has a detailed review of the movie and Kaufman’s feelings regarding the flick.
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 10:28 AM | Comments
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
"Kill Bill" to be released in two parts
According to a New York Times article this morning, Miramax will be releasing the new Tarantino film, Kill Bill, as a two-part serial film. The first part will be released on Bill's original debut date, October 10th, and the second part will appear in theaters "two to six months later."
Read the full NY Times article here, while it lasts. (Free registration required.)
posted by Christopher 12:08 PM | Comments
FoyWonder's News Roundup for July 16, 2003
Killer snakes, killer trilobites, bad hair, DVDs galore, and a lie told by a Marvel executive. It’s all part of today’s mid-week update!
Taking a page from the ALIEN playbook, ANACONDA 2 is now known as ANACONDAS. The biggest name star in the movie is Morris Chestnutt, who was most recently seen as the villain in Steven Seagal’s atrocious HALF PAST DEAD. Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube won’t be returning because actually have movie careers now. Production is set to begin next month in Fiji on the sequel nobody was clamoring for.
Access Hollywood reported the other day that No Doubt lead singer Gwen Stefani is interested in a role in X MEN 3. The role she’s supposedly interested in is that of roller-skating, bubblegum pop-singing superheroine Dazzler. Wait, didn’t Marvel honcho Avi Arad vow months ago that we would never have to worry about seeing Dazzler on film? I think he may have lied to us.
Meanwhile, Christina Aguilera's Hollywood career is in full swing as she is set to join the small screen adaptation of Jackie Collins' raunchy novel HOLLYWOOD WIVES: THE NEXT GENERATION. Yeah, that sounds about right for her. However, this was reported in IMDB’s entertainment news wire which isn’t always the most reliable.
According to Variety, 20th Century Fox has picked up the spec script called MY VELOURIA, which the trade magazine describes as a kung fu police procedural. If you actually read the article to the very end you’ll learn it all revolves around vampires. For whatever reason, the studio seem to get scared at the thought of announcing what amounts to on some level a horror movie. Ever notice how Hollywood studios have attempted to replace the term “horror movie” with “supernatural thriller” because God forbid they soil themselves making a lowly “horror movie?”
New Line Cinema has picked up the spec script for a screwball comedy entitled BAD HAIR DAY. The story follows, and this is exactly how it was described, a young woman on a crucial day of meetings, events and dates who experiences one hair emergency after another. Depending on the kindness of strangers, creditors and astrologers, she manages to get a job and maintain a shred of dignity despite the destructive forces let loose on her hair. And that sold for hundreds of thousands of dollars? That’s not the plot for a feature film! That’s a running gag on an episode of a bad sitcom. Sheesh!
In a strange move, Variety reports that Disney is planning to open their next animated movie, BROTHER BEAR, on November 1st, which would be a Saturday. I don’t know what their marketing strategy is but I do know that Disney should be leery of making movies about bears after last year’s disastrous THE COUNTRY BEARS.
Universal announced several new genre related DVDs that they will be releasing of September 23rd. The titles include CHILD’S PLAY 3, JOHN CARPENTER’S THEY LIVE, JOHN CARPENTER’S PRINCE OF DARKNESS (AKA the Satan in a jar movie), THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS, THE SERPENT AND THE RAINBOW, and both TALES FROM THE CRYPT movies, DEMON KNIGHT and BORDELLO OF BLOOD. All are being hailed as “new editions” but there has yet to be any word yet on what, if any, extras will be included. They’ll be going for $14.95 each so I suspect extras will be bare minimum. Universal will also be releasing a new HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH disc on October 7th. It will have no extras.
New Line Cinema will release a loaded special edition DVD of LEATHERFACE: THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE III on September 30th. Included will be a couple of documentaries, an alternate ending, and possibly even an audio commentary track. Now if ever there was a movie not deserving of a loaded special edition this is it!
Speaking of Leatherface, the first trailer for the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake will be screening this weekend with most prints of the new Michael Bay epic BAD BOYS 2. Believe it or not, word is that people who have seen the trailer already have described it as “incredible.” Yeah, but how many times has Hollywood managed to cut an awesome trailer for a crap movie? I’ll believe it when I see it and that goes for both the trailer and the movie.
Remember a few weeks back when I told you of the comic book CRIMINAL MACABRE whose rights were snatched up to make into a movie after only one issue? According to E! Online, the story of the film has little or no relation to the actual comic. That’s Hollywood for ya!
Finally today, there’s a movie coming out on video next week called ICE CRAWLERS about a thawed out, carnivorous, prehistoric trilobite that picks off the crew of a high tech Antarctic oil rig. Yours truly got his hands on an advance screener copy and I have a warning to mankind up at Creature Corner. Read all about the movie that stars, as I call it, “Trilly, the magical trilobite.”
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 12:08 PM | Comments
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
Drive-ins struggling, but still extant
According to this CNN article, the great American tradition of the drive-in theater is not dead -- yet. Since 1990, 60 drive-ins have either re-opened or been newly built. Find a drive-in near you with Drive-Ins.com.
posted by Christopher 4:30 PM | Comments
Chadzilla's News Roundup for July 15, 2003
A report from Fangoria on the set of the currently film Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (Day 61 of a 72 day shoot) lets fans of the original series hear some good news. The sequel will feature many of the shows classic villains, brought to actual paranormal (as opposed to guys in suits) life by a mysterious substance called Randomonim. Captain Cutler, The Creeper, Zen Tuo, and Chickenstein are on deck and ready to scare. If anyone cares.
Deep Blue Sea director Renny Harlin keeps getting work. The Killer's Game, based on Jay Bonansinga's book, is about an assassin who wants to commit suicide by taking out a hit on his own life. When he discovers his girlfriend is pregnant he changes his mind and a wacky chase begins. Sounds a bit too much like Bullworth to me.
Tempe Video has a few releases of interest. August 12 is the debut date for a dual disc of Chris Seaver's Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker and Filthy Mc Nasty. Can I get a poster of the front of that DVD box cover, please? Matthew Jason Walsh's serial killer in love story Bloodletting cuts loose August 19th.
–Chad H. "Chadzilla" Saxelid
posted by Christopher 5:41 AM | Comments
BlobFest a hit in Pennsylvania
Hundreds of people gathered this past weekend in Phoenixville, PA, the town where the original 1958 The Blob was filmed. Read the full CNN story.
posted by Christopher 5:41 AM | Comments
Monday, July 14, 2003
FoyWonder's news roundup for July 14, 2003
Good morning, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea…let’s go to press!
Let’s kick off today’s report with 5 wild and unsubstantiated rumors:
1) Tim Burton wants Christopher Walken to play the lead in his remake of WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. The scary part is that I can almost envision Walken in the part.
2) MEN IN BLACK 3 is in development and right now it’s just a matter of getting Smith and Jones to sign on one more time. Yawn.
3) Supposedly several big name directors have expressed interest in directing the live action TRANSFORMERS movie including Michael Bay, Robert Zemeckis, and Joseph Kahn. Joseph Kahn? How does directing an Ice Cube motorcycle-racing movie that hasn’t even opened yet get your name onto the A-list? On the other hand, I shudder at the thought of what Bay and Zemeckis would do considering their approaches to filmmaking.
4) McG is said to once again be the frontrunner to direct SUPERMAN. Oh, really? Even as CHARLIE’S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE tanks at the box office?
5) Matthew McConaughey as the Man of Steel? He’s the latest name being bounced about for SUPERMAN. Sheesh! Can we just put this project out of its misery?
Okay, let’s move on now to the hard news, as in “hard to believe” and “hard to take.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger + family comedy = untold agony! Unfortunately, this mathematical equation of cinematic crappola is about to be formulated once again. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Arnie will star in BIG SIR, a comedy about a man who must travel cross-country with his future stepkids as they're pursued by unsavory characters. So basically it’s DUTCH only with a bunch of kids and an Austrian muscleman in place of Al Bundy? Perhaps he really should just leave the business and run for Governor of California?
It seems someone finally tapped professional party girl Tara Reid on the shoulder and reminded her that she used to actually appear in movies because she’s suddenly lined up a string of film projects. She of the heavy blue mascara is already at work on CROW: WICKED PRAYER, which looks to be heading straight to video. Now she’s signed on to co-star alongside Christian Slater in the movie version of the video game ALONE IN THE DARK as the other half of the supernatural detective duo who get stranded on a haunted island. If there’s two people how exactly can they be “alone?” But Miss Reid isn’t done yet because she’ll also be seen opposite current “media whore of the moment” Ashton Kutcher in THE BOSS’ DAUGHTER. Unfortunately, it remains questionable whether or not any of these will help get her back into the various Hollywood nightclubs she’s reportedly been barred from.
Another video game looks to be coming to the big screen only if done right this one could actually be good. Reuters reports that the Sierra computer game HALF-LIFE is being shopped around for a possible feature film. It’s surprising that the incredibly popular video game has taken this long to go on the market. Expect this one to get snapped up rather quickly. Hopefully they won’t screw it up whoever makes it but I really don’t hold out much hope. It is a movie based on a video game and we know how they tend to turn out.
Its no secret that World Wrestling Entertainment has been wanting to break into the movie business for some time now going so far as set up a film division in Los Angeles that has pretty much done nothing since being established some time ago. Well WWE finally seems to be making some waves. In addition to the planned direct-to-video action movie based around “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, they’ve also just snatched up a script written by Alan McElroy, screenwriter for SPAWN. All they are willing to say about the flick is that it’s “high-concept.” Okay, let’s put a few things together here. Wrestling company that has never made a movie before buys a script from the guy who helped screw up SPAWN that’s supposedly so “high-concept” they don’t even want to describe it to the general public. Call me cynical but this sounds like it has plenty of potential to just suck like hell.
You have to give New Line Cinema some credit when it comes to trying to find amusing ways to hype a movie. Freddy and Jason will take part in a traditional boxing weigh-in and then field questions from the audience at Bally's Hotel in Las Vegas on July 15. The campy promotional event will even be emceed by fight announcer Michael “Let’s Get Ready To Rumble!” Buffer. How does one conduct a Q & A session with Jason? I wouldn’t expect many answers from Jason since he’s never been the talkative type in the films.
The Sci-fi Channel keeps getting big name filmmakers to produce stuff for their network in a futile attempt to garner respectability. Somehow they managed to wrangle Martin Scorsese to executive produce the network’s upcoming miniseries called THE TWELVE, which is about "an FBI agent that sees a variety of events that he believes are signs that an apocalypse is coming on the twelfth day of Christmas." Sounds like a special holiday episode of Millenium to me.
Creature Corner has word on the plots to the next two direct-to-video HELLRAISER movies that will hopefully put this franchise out to pasture once and for all. HELLRAISER: DEADER stars Kari Wuhrer as a reporter that discovers a video tape of ritual murders done by a group calling themselves the “Deaders.” She tracks the origin of the tape to Romania and is forced into a confrontation with the group. What this has to do with anything in the HELLRAISER series or how Pinhead, who does cameo in the movie, figures into it all remains as big a mystery as why this movie even exists. Not to be outdone, HELLRAISER: HELLWORLD looks to waste the considerable talents of Lance Henriksen. Now get this premise. In the world this movie is set in, HELLRAISER was an actual film and a group of kids are obsessed with a game based on the movie called “Hellworld.” They are all invited to a party being held by Lance Henrikson's character, who is actually looking to get revenge on the people he sees as responsible for killing his boy. I’m guessing these kids are responsible otherwise the premise makes even less sense. Unlike the last time Lance Henriksen played a character seeking revenge for this exact same reason, there is no Pumpkinhead to summon. Instead he somehow manages to summon Pinhead, even though he’s just a fictional character in a movie, to do his murderous bidding. For the love of God, either end this franchise now or just do a HELLRAISER VS. CHILDREN OF THE CORN movie and be done with it once and for all!
September 23rd will be a good DVD day for lovers of crap cinema as Artisan just announced a couple more double feature titles they plan to release on that day. Titles include WATCHERS/WATCHERS II, HOWLING V: THE REBIRTH/HOWLING VI: THE FREAKS, PROM NIGHT III: THE LAST KISS/PROM NIGHT IV: DELIVER US FROM EVIL, and the only one that might actually be worth a few bucks - WAXWORK/WAXWORK II: LOST IN TIME. Smart move releasing them as double features because I can’t image too many people shelling out money for any of these as an individual.
For those of you out there who love the MOST VALUABLE PRIMATE series and you know who you are even though I don’t, you’ll be thrilled to know that two more editions of the apparently popular direct-to-video simian and a kid starring AIR BUD knock-off are on the way. Set for a release later this year is MOST VALUABLE PRIMATE 3 with a snowboarding simian and Robby “Look what I’ve been reduced to!” Benson as the father of the baboon befriending kid. If that wasn’t enough, currently in development, as if these movies really require that much “development,” is BMXP, in which the monkey will take up BMX racing and try to make like Cru Jones in RAD. Personally, I think it’s time for a MOST VALUABLE PRIMATE VS. SOCCER DOG VS. AIR BUD movie in which the three animals take up mixed martial arts and engage in a battle to the death inside a steel cage!
It seems the Hulk dolls in Britain don’t just come in a package, they have one as well. And a pretty big one too! Check out this article about the little British girl who discovered that somebody at the toy company thought it would be a good idea to make an anatomically correct Hulk doll. Yes, there’s a picture, you sickos!
From Australia comes this story of a man’s life or death battle with a rampaging, homicidal kangaroo. Sounds like it could be the premise for a new nature gone amok movie. Read for yourself.
Finally today, for those that don’t already know, the second half of my double feature debut at the Schlocktoberfest site is already up. In it, I review one of the most enjoyably bad movies I’ve seen in ages – BARBARIAN. You can read the picture heavy review of the ridiculous “Sword & Schlockery” movie now.
-Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 5:51 AM | Comments
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