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Friday, April 04, 2003
Wal-Mart: Texas Shoppers
Clarence (Walker: Texas Ranger, Left Behind 1 and 2) Gilyard will be at the Wal-Mart Supercenter in Carrollton, Texas (1213 East Trinity Mills Road) this Sunday, April 6 from 1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m. for you Southern bad movie actor autograph seekers.
posted by Christopher 12:04 PM | Comments
Thursday, April 03, 2003
FoyWonder's News Roundup for April 3
The Sci-Fi Channel released some info about their upcoming slate of premiere movies. Hey, somebody has to keep UFO Films (makers of such movies as DRAGON FIGHTER, ANTIBODY, PYTHON, and the INTERCEPTOR FORCE series) and Nu Image (makers of such movies as OCTOPUS, OCTOPUS 2, CROCODILE, CROCODILE 2, and so on) in business. Here are some of the titles we should expect to see on the network during the 2003-2004 season and what a cavalcade of absolute schlock they be:
DRAGON STORM - Starring Maxwell “Have I ever actually appeared in a good movie” Caulfield, John “I deserve better” Rhys-Davies and Angel “I once got nekkid in Playboy” Boris. Recently completed production in Sofia, Bulgaria with UFO Films where virtually all UFO Films are shot. Alien dragons are transported to Earth inside a meteor crash, forcing two enemy kingdoms to join forces and fight off the alien dragon threat before they scorch the countryside bare. An alien dragon? I guess a regular dragon just isn’t menacing enough anymore?
IDAHO CREATURE INCIDENT - Starring John Savage and Michelle Goh. Recently completed production in Sofia, Bulgaria with Nu Image where virtually all of Nu Image’s movies are shot. Bulgaria must be some sort of haven for low budget genre filmmakers. The government experiments with using an alien creature as a weapon. When the trial fails, the creature is locked inside a government facility and must be destroyed before it can escape. What? Were you expecting something imaginative from Nu Image? You should no better by now. Still, I can’t completely bring myself to hate on a movie with a title as utterly goofy as that.
GHOST MONKEY - A freelance photographer and an American investigator join forces to stop a monkey-like creature that goes on a killing spree. This simian mutant prefers human hearts to bananas and he leads them on a wild chase throughout the streets of India. Filming begins in Spring 2003 with Promark Entertainment. Don’t know anything about Promark or what to expect from this movie, although with a title like GHOST MONKEY it really should be about a samurai ninja.
SNAKEHEAD TERROR - In a small town in Maryland, a school of freakishly large Snakehead fish overruns a lake and takes to the land. The scaly mutants can survive out of water, and their idea of fish-food has a decidedly human flavor. It's up to the local sheriff to reel in the creatures before they can go on a massive feeding frenzy. Filming begins in Vancouver in Spring 2003 with Cinetel. Jabootu’s Ken Begg and myself are probably the only two people on the planet giddy about this movie.
PHANTOM FORCE - A spin-off from the INTERCEPTOR FORCE movies, the Phantom Force is another section of elite government soldiers. Instead of aliens, this special military division has to protect the human race from the supernatural. Filming begins in Bulgaria in May 2003 with UFO Films. But will it suck like the INTERCEPTOR FORCE movies too?
INTERCEPTOR FORCE III - In the not too distant future, a team of specially trained government soldiers called Interceptors protect Earth from hostile alien encounters. With a new threat to mankind looming, the Interceptors face their greatest challenge yet. Produced by UFO Films. No thank you! I’ll pass.
GARGOYLE - Calabos is an evil wizard who wants to take over the world with an army of vicious, living gargoyles. Only Marcus, a magician who possesses an enchanted ring, can stop Calabos and his stone minions before they capture everyone in their paths. What? No info about who's producing it? Will the Wizard make it magically appear?
Also in the works, EPOCH II (Because we were all clamoring for a sequel), something called GRAVELAND, and the showdown of the century, PUPPETMASTER VS. DEMONIC TOYS. And there are two Bruce Campbell movies on the way in the form of THE MAN WITH THE SCREAMING BRAIN and EARWIGS. Let’s hope the man with the chin doesn’t let us all down.
Wanna see something really cool? Expensive, but cool? A company called Bump In The Night Productions is producing a combination mask and display bust of ROBOT MONSTER.Check it out here.
Heaven help us but my in-depth analysis/dissection/MST3King of THE CORE is up at Ain’t It Cool News. Click here to read why I think THE CORE is just hollow earth.
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 7:27 AM | Comments
Chadzilla's News Roundup for April 3
Cloud Ten Pictures (www.cloudtenpictures.com) has issued a press release announcing that a Federal (Canadian) Judge had dismissed all claims made against Cloud Ten by Left Behind co-creator Tim LaHaye.
"Obviously the Federal Court has vindicated Cloud Ten," says the company's President Edwin Ng. "We are extremely pleased with the result and continue to look forward to making future Left Behind films, television programming and films based on the Left Behind: The Kid's series."
Good news for fans of the series. For those who did not know, in the fall of 2000 Tim LaHaye filed suit against Namesake Productions and Cloud Ten Pictures, claiming breach of contract. According the a report at Bible Discernment Ministries (and ultra-ultra-fundamentalist watchdog group), LaHaye was upset that Namesake had not delivered on its promise of a 40 million dollar Hollywood movie. Reportedly Namesake struck a deal with Cloud Ten at the 11th hour instead of attempting to renegotiate the terms (which would be considerably higher, considering how the series was beginning to take off at that time).
LaHaye claimed that the stress of the deal caused emotional and mental distress, which included "anxiety, worry, mental anguish and sleeplessness". The deal could also have cost LaHaye millions in revenue from the planned adaptations. For all the smear info, check out BDM's profile. Sounds like LaHaye need David Morrell's agent when the first deal was inked.
On the more traditional front. The Stan Winston co-production Wrong Turn has a new date, May 30. Reminder: the thriller features car load of lost kids running afoul of a clan of mutant cannibals. Jeepers creepers, it sounds like the hills will have a 1,000 Eyes!
The Sci-fi channel is currently planning a FOUR hour miniseries remake of The Thing closer in tone to the Carpenter version than the 50s era version. Screenwriter Gary (Big Trouble in Little China) Goldman is writing. A 2004 air date is planned.
Even better news. Danny Boyles white hot 28 Days Later is now set to be unleashed on screens June 13. Where's the line for tickets?
–Chad H. "Chadzilla" Saxelid
posted by Christopher 6:55 AM | Comments
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
FoyWonder's News Roundup for April 1
Good morning, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea…let’s go to press!
I find this hard to believe but several movie sites are reporting that Michael Bay has signed on to direct SUPERMAN and he’s already been talking to people about who would comprise his dream cast. If this is true and Bay gets his way, SUPERMAN is going to look like this: Freddie Prinze Jr. as Superman, Jennifer Love Hewitt as Lois Lane, Carrot Top as Jimmy Olson, Clint Howard as Perry White, Howie Long as Jor-El, and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin as Lex Luthor. Reportedly Bay wants to make the movie zanier and more in spirit with the 60’s Batman show. God help us all!
It wouldn’t be a bad movie news day without word on a TV show being adapted to film and the latest one in the works is MY MOTHER THE CAR! Yes, the show considered the biggest stinker of all time is being adapted into feature film by Universal. The story of a young man whose mother dies only to possess his automobile will be modernized as a comedy spoof of movies like THE FAST & THE FURIOUS. If the movie actually gets made and turns out to be a hit will they make a sequel called 2 MOTHER 2 CAR?
Speaking of comedies inspired by THE FAST & THE FURIOUS, New Line Cinema is prepping a new comedy called CAR GO FAST that is all but guaranteed to offend every living creature on the planet. The movie will combine the illegal street racing genre with the gross out comedy genre spliced with RAIN MAIN. Jerry O’Connell has already been cast as an ex-street racer who was paralyzed in a crash that still owes money to some mob types. Fortunately, it turns out that his brother, who is mentally retarded, has a natural instinct for racing and so he begins to set up his brother in a series of street races to help raise the money he owes the gangsters. Who will play the mentally handicapped brother? None other than DJ Qualls! How fitting!
New Line Cinema has also purchased a spec script for a Mexican wrestling/superhero comedy called, get this, THE SANTO CLAUSE. The movie tells the story of a mild mannered American who goes on vacation in Mexico and while out driving one evening accidentally runs over and kills legendary Mexican wrestling superhero El Santo. Turns out that Santo was in the middle of a mission to stop a gang of vampires from getting their fangs on an ancient Aztec artifact that will give them the power to take over the world. The American is later approached by some mysterious Aztec priests who inform him that in order to right his wrong he must don the silver mask and become the new El Santo in order to stop the evil vampires. I am so there!
Two more Marvel Comic movie adaptations in the works that will leave you scratching your heads! The first is a combination live action/CGI version of ROCKET RACCOON with the title character being brought to life via computer effects. Didn’t they learn from HOWARD THE DUCK? The other sounds almost as bad. Revolution Studios has picked up the rights to DEVIL DINOSAUR and already have the writer of FEAR DOT COM working on the script thus ensuring it will suck and suck hard and its as if a DEVIL DINOSAUR movie would need any extra help to suck hard.
Another video game movie is in the works. Brace yourselves, because this one is coming from Roger Corman’s production company, the fine people who gave us the CARNOSAUR films, and is based on a video game from 20 years ago. Are you ready for DIG DUG: THE MOVIE? Here’s the plot as Corman himself told the Hollywood Reporter: "Digger Duggan, who is nicknamed Dig Dug by friends, is the world's most famous spelunker. While spelunking deep beneath the earth's surface, an earthquake traps him below. The earthquake also awakens a small army of pygmy aliens and as well as a dragon from hibernation. Now Digger Duggan must single handedly prevent these creatures from reaching the surface and destroying mankind and he must do it armed only with a super-charged air blaster that he's just modified." Ooookay! Well, I guess if someone can try and make a live action PAC-MAN movie then Roger Corman can make a live action DIG DUG flick.
Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin, the not-so-dynamic duo behind ID4 and GODZILLA, are planning to reunite in 2005 to make a movie that is practically inviting controversy. The duo plan to make a “modernized” retelling of the story of Jesus. You heard that correctly. Variety reports that the story of Jesus’ life will be set in present day America and that the film will feature what Devlin describes as a “faster, sleeker, holier Jesus who can run on water at up to 200 mph.” And if you believe that or anything preceding it then you clearly haven’t looked at today’s date!
Happy April Fool’s Day!
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 6:50 AM | Comments
Monday, March 31, 2003
FoyWonder's News Roundup for March 31
Good morning, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea . . . let’s go to press!
In what I hope won’t eventually turn out to be bad movie news, Peter Jackson’s next directing project once he finishes up the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy is will be a megabudget remake of KING KONG. Unlike the Dino De Laurentis remake from the late 70s, this KING KONG will be set in the 1930s just like the original. KING KONG is reportedly Jackson’s dream project so hopefully he won’t screw it up.
God help us all – a KANGAROO JACK sequel is in the works! Entertainment Weekly says the proposed sequel might be set in Vegas, where the title character boosts some money and gets trapped in the circus. If that isn’t enough agony, amongst the many extras on the loaded KANGAROO JACK DVD will be an audio commentary track by the kangaroo itself, or at least the guy who supplied the voice.
Speaking of ungodly CGI, talking animal movies, SCOOBY TOO, you can guess what this is the sequel to, is now officially set for a March 26th, 2004 release date. Don’t say nobody warned you. Warner Brothers has spilled the beans about the plot to this one too. I wasn’t aware that Scooby Doo actually had “classic foes” but even if they do I have a hard time believing they’ll make this sequel any better.
Since this is Wrestlemania weekend how about some news on The Rock’s acting career? Well, his next movie HELLDORADO finally got that long rumored name change and will now be known as WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE. Wanna take a wild guess what the film’s title song is going to be? Also, the writers of 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS will pen the big screen version of the video game SPY HUNTER, in which The Rock will play the title role of an F-15 pilot turned high-tech spy.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Jamie Kennedy is up for the lead role in SON OF THE MASK. I know New Line has wanted to make a sequel to the Jim Carrey hit for a long time now but I’m afraid Jamie Kennedy is no Jim Carrey.
Freshly bounced from the SUPERMAN directorial chair, Brett Ratner told Sci-Fi Wire that he probably isn’t going to be jumping headfirst into the empty pool that would be RUSH HOUR 3 but will instead make a live-action version of the popular Cartoon Network show SAMURAI JACK. I weep for Samurai Jack.
Ain’t It Cool News has a story up about a new werewolf movie that just finished filming in Europe called THE UNLIVING. The film marks the return of legendary Spanish horror icon Paul Naschy in his most famous role of Valdemar. Unfortunately for those excited by this prospect, the director of the movie is none other than crapmeister Fred Olen Ray, director of such films as BIKINI HOE-DOWN, BIKINI DRIVE-IN, ATTACK OF THE 60 FOOT CENTERFOLD, INVISIBLE DAD, INVISIBLE MOM II, DINOSAUR GIRLS, EVIL TOONS, and SCREAM QUEEN HOT TUB PARTY. Sure he'll always get some credit for HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS but that was also 16 years ago. So forgive me if I'm less than enthusiastic about his latest movie especially considering it’s based around a 70-year-old horror star. More info on the movie can be found at Naschy.com.
Are you ready for a comedy about Sumo Wrestling from the writer of DEUCE BIGELOW, MALE GIGOLO and MASTER OF DISGUISE? If you answered yes, then you really need some serious psychological help. You’ll also be happy that Revolution bought his script simply entitled SUMO. The plot revolves around an unlikely member of a Japanese sumo wrestling team. If Chris Farley was still alive you just know he’d be starring in this. The writer’s name is Harris Goldberg and I suspect it is a name we will grow to hate and fear.
In what is without question the single most startling cast ever assembled for a motion picture, the roll call for the new Wes Craven/Kevin Williamson werewolf flick CURSED reads as follow: Christina Ricci, Skeet Ulrich, Illeana Douglas, Robert Forster, Kristina Anapau, Omar Epps, Shannon Elizabeth, Scott Baio, and Corey Feldman. And the band Ween may appear in the movie too. Hey, maybe they can get Gary Coleman to play the werewolf?
Sad news for those anxiously awaiting FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY, that American Idol movie that Satan himself wouldn’t even want to take credit for. The film’s April 25th release date has been pushed back to June 13th putting it toe-to-toe with that DUMB AND DUMBER prequel. So clearly this June 13th will be a good weekend to stay home and mow the lawn.
Want more proof that SCARY MOVIE 3 will suck? Just check out the posters for the film inspired by SIGNS and LORD OF THE RINGS. Click here if you need more incentive to save your money.
MTV is producing a Halloween monster movie that could actually turn out to be worth tuning in for. Entitled MONSTER ISLAND, Fangoria was told the plot focuses on a kid who wins an MTV contest in which he and his senior class will travel to Skull Island in the Bermuda Triangle for a Halloween bash hosted by a famous pop diva. Turns out the island is inhabited by giant monsters and the kid must lead his schoolmates on a rescue mission to save the pop diva from creatures inspired by everything from King Kong to Godzilla to the Deadly Mantis and so on. The movie will reportedly be done very tongue-in-cheek. The film will begin shooting in July just as soon as the director finishes work on his current project, the direct-to-video sequel WILD THINGS 2: THE GLADES. Yep, they’re making a sequel. This one will star THE IN CROWD’s Susan Ward and Son of the Beach’s Leila Arcieri.
Creature Corner was tipped off about some genre DVDs on the way later this year: THE HOWLING special edition, BURNT OFFERINGS, CLOWNHOUSE, THE GHOUL, ONCE BITTEN, RAW MEAT, SQUIRM, and I, MADMAN. But that’s not all! MGM is also planning a series of double-feature dvds including: GHOULIES/GHOULIES, POLTERGEIST 2/POLTERGEIST 3, TROLL/TROLL 2, COMEDY OF TERRORS/THE RAVEN, AN EVENING WITH EDGAR ALLEN POE/TOMB OF LIGERIA, THE HAUNTED PALACE/TOWER OF LONDON, and COUNTESS DRACULA/THE VAMPIRE LOVERS. And the long awaited ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK special edition DVD is due Christmas Day.
One DVD release that may have gone unnoticed this past week was the arrival of the classic Bert I. Gordon giant grasshopper movie BEGINNING OF THE END. This special edition DVD features a widescreen print and an audio commentary by Susan Gordon, who I believe is Mr. BIG’s daughter.
posted by Christopher 7:18 AM | Comments
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