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Saturday, March 08, 2003
FLASH… Jerry O’ Connell told E Online that he’s in the running to play SUPERMAN. Quoting O’Connell, “There is some stiff competition, but I guarantee you I can do more push-ups than all those other guys." Now if only you could learn how to act and develop a personality that doesn’t make people want to give you a wedgie and dunk your head in the toilet.
FLASH… According to a UK website (and we all know how credible those are), Rob Lowe is being considered for the role of Lex Luthor. Wow, Rob Lowe as Lex Luthor and David Boreanaz as Superman! The British sure do have a wild imagination, don’t they?
FLASH… The official title of that forthcoming TIMECOP sequel that the entire civilized world is eagerly anticipating is TIMECOP: BERLIN DECISION. That’s a terrible title. Considering how lame the original movie was perhaps they should try changing the title to TIMECOP 2: BETTER LUCK THIS TIME in order to give the renter some hope before they pop it into their VCR/DVD player.
FLASH… Nic Cage is once again attached to a comic book movie project. This time the guy who was supposed to star in about 126 other comic book movies only to have the whole thing fall through is rumored to be playing Marvel’s answer to Aquaman, SUB-MARINER. Am I alone in just have zero interest in ever seeing a Sub-Mariner movie?
FLASH… Rumor has it that the producers of the upcoming movie based on Marvel Comic’s MAN-THING are looking into moving the production from New Orleans to Australia. If it proves true then I guess Chris won’t have to bother printing up those press credentials to get me on the set.
FLASH… Zach Snyder, a television commercial director, has been selected to direct the unnecessary remake of DAWN OF THE DEAD. The original, George Romero’s direct sequel to NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, was actually a satirical take on modern consumerism involving people trapped in shopping mall by cannibalistic zombies. This new version is now going to focus on the action and feature a “hip” cast made up of good looking young actors. In other words, it’s going to really suck.
FLASH… Creature Corner got confirmation that CHILD’S PLAY 5 is a no-go. Now somebody needs to break the news to Jennifer Tilly.
FLASH… Bruce Willis responded to rumors of Britney Spears playing his daughter in the next DIE HARD flick, "There isn't a script yet, but it's a funny rumor." Yes, Bruce, it is. It’s not as funny as the Britney Spears/Sherlock Holmes movie rumor, but its still rather amusing.
FLASH… The nominations for this year’s Saturn Awards were announced. Hayden Christensen was nominated for his role in ATTACK OF THE CLONES, STAR TREK: NEMESIS was nominated for Best Science Fiction Film, and QUEEN OF THE DAMNED was nominated for Best Horror Film. That alone should tell you why the Saturn Awards are viewed as being even less credible or prestigious than the Blockbuster Awards or the American Comedy Awards.
FLASH… Jeremy Piven, Simon Rex, and Anthony Anderson have joined the cast of SCARY MOVIE 3 thus increasing the movie’s level of suckiness by three.
FLASH… Dan Aykroyd told a UK talk show that MY GIRL 3 is being developed as we speak and will focus on the young girl all grown up. They even hope to get actress Anna Chlumsky, who has since left Hollywood to work as an aspiring food critic, to return. I suggest she keep her day job because I don’t know of anyone who actually wants a MY GIRL 3.
FLASH… Activision has secured the rights to a new game called THE MOVIES. The game will give players the chance to run their own Hollywood movie studio from the silent movie era of the 20s, to the CG-filled present and beyond. You'll be able to choose everything from the actors, to the scripts, to the director, and everything else in between. It seems like just about anyone can run a movie studio these days and thanks to this new game you can too and probably do a better job too!
-Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 9:57 AM | Comments
Tuesday, March 04, 2003
Generic slasher movies, sequels that nobody wants, and lots of upcoming direct-to-video crap! What do they all have in common? They’re all part of the Fat Tuesday update!
Let’s kill two rumors right now. David Boreanaz will not be playing SUPERMAN and there will be no new MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE movie. Okay, now for some news that has yet to be proven untrue.
The Hollywood Reporter reports that MGM has purchased a script called HELL WEEK, which is about a frat pledge who snaps, dresses like a ghost, and starts killing off his tormentors. Oh joy, generic slasher movie #24729750445683!
Jennifer Tilly tells TV Guide that BRIDE OF CHUCKY 2 is still in the works and is just waiting for the green light. Poor, poor Jennifer, she’s become as deluded about this as Tom Arnold has about TRUE LIES 2.
Paul Anderson, the man at the helm of MORTAL KOMBAT and RESIDENT EVIL, will be directing another video game adaptation as his production company is the one that picked up the rights to the game DRIVER. I just don’t see what the point is of making a movie about a video game about fast driving when the video game itself was inspired by movie car chases. There are already enough fast car movies as is.
Dimension Films continues their breakneck descent to the bowels of movie crapdom as it was announced that they intend to produce two more direct-to-video sequels to THE PROPHECY. Not the mutated bear movie, ya morons! The Christopher Walken evil angels’ flick! I actually really liked the first one, hated the second one, and didn’t even bother with the third and I suspect I’ll continue that pattern since the next two won’t even have Christopher Walken. But not to worry because the void left by Chris Walken will be filled by Kari Wuhrer! Sigh. When she gets top billing in a movie you know the odds of it sucking are astronomically high. Also along for the ride will be British actor Sean Pertwee, who actually seemed to be building some momentum following the success of DOG SOLDIERS. When I read about something like this the first thing that goes through my mind is “What about Eric Roberts? Couldn’t they at least get Eric Roberts?” Too busy with Less Than Perfect perhaps?
TIMECOP 2 starring Jason Scott Lee and Thomas Ian Griffith will be set 15 years after the original in 2025, when someone at the Society for Historical Accuracy decides they are going to alter history to benefit mankind by changing the lineage of the cops from the Time Enforcement Commission. The direct-to-video sequel is scheduled for release this spring. This sequel is actually being talked about as part one of a trilogy of sequels.
Speaking of things soon to clutter video store shelves, here’s some info on a couple of (most likely) future direct-to-video schlock coming our way soon:
ALIEN HUNTER – From Columbia pictures and starring James Spader, what happened to his career, an alien black box is found in the South Pole, where a government agency is conducting botanical experiments. Any similarities between this and THE THING are purely intentional, I assume.
BRING IT ON AGAIN – Looks like the sequel to the hit is going straight to Blockbuster. No surprise since the cast is mostly unknowns. When new students can't get onto their college cheerleading team they form their own squad and prepare for a cheer off. Sounds like a cheerleading version of RAD.
CHEERLEADER MASSACRE – Jim Wynorski directs this gripping tale of a chainsaw-wielding psychopath who takes a murderous interest in a group of innocent cheerleaders. By gripping, I mean you’ll be gripping you remote control and pushing the fast forward button. The movie stars Samantha Philips, Nikki Fritz, and Brinke Stevens, all of whom are way to old to be playing cheerleaders and they’re damn sure not innocent! This one comes out March 25th.
DEADLY SPECIES - A group of Everglades explorers are stalked by a deadly creature. That’s all that listed as the plot synopsis. Guess we’ll find out the rest, if there is anything else to find out, when it hit video store shelves on April 22nd.
DEMON SLAYER - Five troubled teens are sentenced by the juvenile court to clean up an abandoned and haunted mental hospital that has been lusting for new blood. It comes from Roger Corman’s New Concorde production company so that should tell you all you need to know! It too arrives on April 22nd.
EMPIRE OF DANGER - A rescue mission to Mars sends four American astronauts through a time warp, resulting in an encounter with the ruthless Siperion Empire. And the Siperion Empire is feared why?
FLESH FREAKS - Rotting, bloodthirsty zombies escape from Central America and make their way to modern civilization. “Modern civilization?”
FLYIN’ RYAN - A 12-year-old boy's luck changes when he discovers a pair of magical sneakers that gives him the ability to fly. Oh boy, a LIKE MIKE knock-off from New Concorde! Arrives May 27th. I am so not there!
HOOD RAT - A man holds people hostage in a relentless quest for revenge. It stars Ice-T and is billed as a “sci-fi thriller.” Not sure where the sci-fi part fits in?
INHUMAN - A weekend reunion of old friends becomes a confrontation with an inhuman creature. I hate when that happens!
LEGEND OF THE PHANTOM RIDER - Two ancient foes reincarnated over the centuries have a showdown in a Western town. Woohoo! HIGHLANDER cowboy style!
MOULIN MUD - College students and others participate in an annual mud-wrestling tournament. The scary part is that it’s a documentary!
NIKOS, THE IMPALER RATPACK - A ruthless Romanian barbarian is resurrected in modern day New York and begins wreaking havoc on a small Manhattan arthouse. If nothing else, it has the greatest title ever.
PRISON-A-GO-GO - A women-in-prison flick gets an extra kick from multiple shower scenes, mud wrestling, kung fu food fights and prominent product placement. And it stars Rhonda “Up All Night” Shear and Lloyd “Mr. Troma” Kaufman. This is either going to be a ton of fun or absolutely unbearable.
SANITARIUM - A new drug designed to cure madness prompts a series of demonic occurrences when it's administered. So Satan has branched out into pharmaceuticals now, huh? To be released April 8th.
THE SCARECROW LIVES – An evil scarecrow comes to life with a thirst for revenge. To bad the makers didn’t have a thirst for an original premise!
SPIDER-BABE – Misty Mundae plays a web-slinging, wall-crawling superheroine fights who for justice, freedom and sensuality of the female kind. Its set for an April release so there’s still time for Chadzilla to pre-order the DVD.
Finally, in what should come as a sign that there is still intelligent life left in this country, Fox TV’s new reality show, Married By America, came in dead last in its time slot last night. There’s still hope for us yet.
Happy Mardi Gras!
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 12:01 PM | Comments
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