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Friday, January 31, 2003
And now the news for the last day of January 2003 and after giving us KANGAROO JACK, JUST MARRIED, and NATIONAL SECURITY, I say good riddance!
There won’t be a fifth JAWS movie anytime soon. The site Bloody Disgusting has debunked the rumors of a JAWS 5 as being just that. And the world breathes a sigh of relief.
Michael Bay won’t be making SUPERMAN. He wanted too much so the studio told him to take a hike. And since Bay won’t be making the movie Josh Hartnett also has dropped out of as well. All I can say is, “Thank God!” Rumors are once again swirling as to just who will make SUPERMAN assuming it ever even gets made. I’m sure I’ll be reporting on this one for a long time to come.
There is no R-rated Friends movie heading to the silver screen. The creator of the show recently debunked that one himself. His exact quote – “Definitely not. It's hard enough trying to keep a 30 minute show entertaining. No one wants to watch The Beverly Hillbilies for two hours". Actually, that BEVERLY HILLBILLIES movie was only about 80 minutes. It just felt like two hours.
Okay, are you sitting down? McG, the guy behind the CHARLIE’S ANGELS films, has signed on to direct a big budget feature film based on a line of toy cars. Yes, I’m talking about HOT WHEELS: THE MOVIE! The geniuses at Sony seemed to have forgotten that someone already made THE FAST & THE FURIOUS just a year ago and think this is some sort of novel idea. Quoting McG himself, "We've been given the opportunity to bring to life a world inspired by color, adventure and velocity. We want to create a timeless story that will work for everyone - a charismatic young hero, great stakes and jeopardy, and a fantastic love story." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Seriously, I hope this movie is a huge hit so that we can see other studios do their knock-off films. I can’t wait for movies based on Matchbox cars and Tonka trucks. Why stop there? How a $100 million Weeble Wobbles movie directed by Michael Bay? How about casting a pint-sized Vin Diesel-type to star in BIG WHEEL: THE MOVIE? Oh, I could go on all day!
Variety reports that Alias star Jennifer Garner has signed on to star in the new comedy 13 GOING ON 30 about a woman who skips ages 13-29 through a wish. I really liked this movie the first time I saw it when it was called BIG. Speaking of Alias, there is talk of a big screen movie. Hope it turns out better than that lame X-Files flick.
Dark Horizons reports that Jessica Biel has been tapped to play the lead in a UPN production based on the DANGER GIRL comic book. This movie automatically has a 99.9% chance of sucking simply because it is going to be a made-for-UPN movie. I’m amazed UPN didn’t cast Joanie “Chyna” Laurer in the role instead.
The Hollywood Reporter informs us that Bill Paxton will play the patriarch of the family in the live-action adaptation of THUNDERBIRDS to be directed by Jonathan Frakes. From FRAILTY to THUNDERBIRDS…seems Mr. Paxton has decided to take those proverbial two steps back.
After an infinity sitting on the shelf, Rob Zombie’s HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES finally has an official release date. The long delayed horror movie will open on April 11th. I can’t recall the last time there was so much anticipation for a movie that word of mouth says absolutely sucks.
Here’s a b-movie related film with the potential to be really cool. Variety reports that Darren (PI) Aronofsky will direct an adaptation of Theodore Roszak's 1991 novel FLICKERS about a film student who believes B-movies are evidence of a world-ending plot against all life. You know, I’ve always suspected there was something truly sinister about ZONTAR, THE THING FROM VENUS than it just being a terrible Larry Buchanan movie. I’m not familiar with the novel FLICKERS but now I’m extremely curious.
Finally, in the fallen star department, Zach Galligan, best known as the star of GREMLINS, was arrested Jan. 22 in Hollywood on suspicion of taking a Deep Purple CD from a Tower Records store. Galligan has said it was the stupidest thing he’s ever done. No, CYBORG 3: THE RECYCLER is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, Zach.
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 7:47 AM | Comments
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Blue Underground (www.blue-underground.com) is pleased to announce that they snagged interviews with Marianne Morris and Anulka Dziubinska for an original featurette called Return of the Vampyres, which will be included on that company's restored release of the cult hit Vampyres. Evidently gore footage missing from previous releases of the movie can be found in this edition. Underground also reports than an all-new on-camera interview with Andrea Rau will be included on their Daughters of Darkness release as well.
Other good DVD news (for somebody) is that Lion's Gate Entertainment as reacquired the rights to some 22 movies originally distributed by MCA/Universal (Gods and Monsters, American Psycho, and Shadow of the Vampire to name a few), no word of any revamped Special Editions yet. Also, Creature Corner reports that LGE is also entering into a deal with Palm Pictures to distribute seven of their movies. The first planned release is The Eye, which Fangoria describes as an acclaimed supernatural chiller from the Pang brothers. Never heard of it, or them. Maybe I need to get out more often.
Anchor Bay Entertainment has a list of goodies that will no doubt warm the --ah-- cockles of some dear b-movie fans heart. The famous cheersploitation epic The Cheerleaders is hitting DVD in a newly restored uncensored print with a plethora of extras in the planning stages. Same goes for Revenge of the Cheerleaders (which stars David Hasselhoff as 'Boner'). They are also slapping out The Incredible Hulk Collection, which is a set containing two Hulk movies - The Incredible Hulk Returns and Trial of the Incredible Hulk. Evidently they are trying to tie in with the release of some big ticket summer movie, I wonder which one it good be? The Meet the Feebles Special Edition disc has been bumped to 2004.
–Chad H. "Chadzilla" Saxelid
posted by Christopher 10:44 AM | Comments
Monday, January 27, 2003
Good morning, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy, the survivors of B-Fest, and all the other geeks at sea…let’s go to press!
It’s official! Hollywood has finally completely lost their collective minds! Variety reports that the remake of the 1973 classic WALKING TALL is a go. As you may recall, WALKING TALL was based on real-life lawman Buford Pusser who returned to his Southern hometown to find it overrun with drugs and corruption and proceeded to clean it up the hard way. It was the role that defined the career of Joe Don Baker. So who is filling the shoes of Joe Don Baker in the remake? None other than “The People’s Champion” himself, The Rock! Yes, you read that correctly. A guy who is half-Samoan and half-black will playing a real-life backwoods redneck! The deal is all but finalized and shooting is scheduled to begin this summer. What’s next, Bruce Willis as Martin Luther King?
Speaking of The Rock, rumors of a cameo by Arnold Schwarzenegger in HELLDORADO have proven to be true. The exact nature of his cameo is not known but reports say that the scene featuring Ah-nuld is designed to have the Austrian strongman in effect “pass the torch” to “The People’s Champion” as the new king of the action film. Unfortunately for all involved, I think Vin Diesel has already seized that torch and has no intention of returning it anytime soon.
More details have surfaced regarding Britney Spears possibly appearing in DIE HARD 4. According to the WorldofBritney.com site, "DIE HARD 4 will be based in the Caribbean. John McClane accidentally meets up with his daughter who's a cabaret dancer, [with] whom he has had very little contact in the past ten years." Miss Spears hasn’t been officially signed yet but playing a cabaret dancer would obviously not be a stretch. Even stranger, according to those who have seen the script, John McClane will use one gun in the movie and will fire it only twice. The rest of the action scenes will be fistfights. Say what? Somebody tell Bruce Willis that this is DIE HARD 4 and not a remake of THE QUIET MAN.
A detailed set report regarding LEPRECHAUN 6: BACK IN THE HOOD is online at the biggest LEPRECHAUN/Warwick Davis fansite on the web. Yeah, as if there’s a slew of them. Please! So if you really want to know what it is like to be on the set when they’re shooting one of these cinematic masterpieces then just click here.
I’ve been trying to avoid talking about this next one because much of it has been purely speculation up until this point. According to an Australian newspaper, GREASE 3 will soon be a reality. John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John will be reprising their roles from the original and joining them will be Aussie singer Kylie Minogue. The movie will reportedly be set at their high school class reunion and many of the other actors appearing in the original film are in talks to return to their roles. Minogue, who is 34 in real life, is supposed to play their 16-year old daughter. What do you say we just back away from this news item slowly and try not to make direct eye contact?
File this bit of sequel news in the wild rumor department. Creature Corner reports an unconfirmed rumor that Universal is looking to revive the JAWS franchise with a new sequel possibly to be called JAWS: THE RETURN. Is there any more generic term that could be used than “THE RETURN?” In addition, Jeannot Szwarc, director of JAWS 2, may return to the franchise to direct this outing and the writers of DEEP BLUE SEA are said to be working on a script as we speak. Does this mean that Christopher Guest won’t be involved in the project? He’s going to be really disappointed. Frankly, this whole project sounds rather fishy to me. Maybe Universal should just use the idea they had in the late 80s and do a spoof of the franchise entitled JAWS 5, PEOPLE 0. Not making that up, people. They almost made that movie. I’m sure a copy of that script can be found in someone’s basement out in Tinseltown. Maybe they ought to dust if off and give it to some Universal execs. They should just go ahead and make MEG if they feel so compelled to make a killer shark movie. Even that couldn’t possibly turn out to be worse than JAWS: THE REVENGE.
According to Daily Variety, Disney has picked up the rights to Piers Anthony’s fantasy tale ON A PALE HORSE. The story revolves around a man named Zane who plans to commit suicide by shooting himself but when Death arrives a few moments too early to claim him, Zane puts a round through the Reaper's skull, effectively murdering Death. Zane must unwittingly then pick up the mantle of Death, traveling around the globe collecting the souls of the deceased. As he slowly gets accustomed to the grim tasks of his station, he finds himself drawn into the nefarious plot of Satan himself. Although I have never actually heard of this book, it seems to have quite a following since fans of the book are up in arms over the miscasting of Jamie Foxx in the lead role. Something tells me Disney plans to make the Zane character zanier.
Another week goes by and another video game gets made into a feature film. The video game in question this week is the current Gamecube blockbuster METROID, which is to be produced by the same folks behind the FINAL DESTINATION franchise. The story of the game is of an armored babe named Samus who destroys alien creatures with energy beams and by rolling into a metallic ball. I’ve never played the game but hear it's fantastic. Still, since the female lead spends the majority of the game in the armor, I bet she will spend little time in it in the movie. Just look at JUDGE DREDD and how little time Stallone spent in the helmet even though the comic book character never took it off. Call me when they announce a WAR OF THE MONSTERS movie.
Filmscope is reporting that New Line Cinema has struck a deal to make a motion picture based on the classic 80’s cartoon THE SMURFS. Whether or not the movie will be live action or animated is unknown at this time. If the movie ends up being a huge hit will some other studio then make a SNORKS film to cash in the success of the other?
Speaking of 80s TV shows, Hunter: Back in Force debuts on NBC on April 12th. Due to the moderate success of the Hunter TV reunion movie from a few months back, someone over at NBC got it in their head that a weekly series with a now 57-year old Fred Dryer doing his Dirty Harry shtick will be a hit. I liked Hunter in its time but that time has long since passed. I think I’ll just stick with The Shield, thank you very much.
Superstation TBS, which I have dubbed in my NOWFF column “the worst movie studio on television,” is hard at work on what will surely be another fine film. According to Variety, they’re latest production entitled EVIL NEVER DIES is filming in Australia at this very moment. Thomas Gibson, of Dharma & Greg fame, plays a cop whose wife is brutally murdered. After being transferred to patrol duty at a local college, he discovers that the now-executed murderer of his wife is part of a professor's strange experiment that results in his being brought back to life, with his murderous tendency intact. Katherine Heigl, of Roswell fame, plays the professor’s assistant and, I’m guessing here, potential love interest for Gibson’s character. It’s going to be FRANKENSTEIN done the Superstation TBS way. EVIL NEVER DIES is set to premiere this summer and I for one can’t wait.
Finally, I have a bit of a grievance to get off my chest. Like many of you, I tuned into the Super Bowl yesterday and saw the commercial/trailer for DAREDEVIL. Now while most of the word of mouth regarding the film has been on the positive side thus far, having the commercial’s voiceover declare DAREDEVIL to be the cinematic event of 2003 is simply ridiculous. Hyperbole be damned, billing DAREDEVIL as the motion picture event of the year in a year that is going to give us two MATRIX sequels, THE HULK, TERMINATOR 3, X-MEN 2, and the final chapter in the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy amongst others is a load of crap! Perhaps the studio meant that in comparison to just the crap that’s been mucking up theaters in the first month of 2003? Yeah, that’s it. That’s the ticket.
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 1:13 PM | Comments
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