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Thursday, October 17, 2002
And now for your big ass, bad movie update...
In the latest surefire sign that life as we know it is spiraling towards extinction, Maxim Magazine has announced that they’re getting into the movie business having just forged a deal with New Line Cinema. Basically, Maxim will be lending their name to films in much the same way that National Lampoon did for films like ANIMAL HOUSE and VACATION. The first project under the “Maxim Presents” label looks to be a currently untitled FATAL ATTRACTION-esque thriller tailored to the Maxim demographic. I got a news flash for Maxim and New Line, that movie already came out last month or has everyone already managed to block SWIMFAN from their collective subconscious?
XXX director Rob Cohen told Yahoo Movies of a couple of ideas he has for the sequel. The first is set in South East Asia with Vin Diesel battling modern day pirates and the second is set in Washington D.C. where Vin Diesel will take on all the grey men in the nation’s capital. Cohen and Diesel seem to really like the second idea. Cohen further eludes on the D.C. premise saying that Xander Cage will take on George Bush and all that he represents and “I can see mountain-biking” sequences on the Capitol dome.” Oh, joy! Nothing like a brain dead action film that suddenly decides it wants to get political. Perhaps they can call it XXX 2: ROCKIN’ THE VOTE? It’ll be this generation’s BILLY JACK GOES TO WASHINGTON!
Entertainment Weekly has quotes from Bill Pullman and Jeff Goldblum saying they have both been approached to return to their roles for INDEPENDENCE DAY 2. Bill “Like I’ve got something better to do” Pullman says he is all for it, but Jeff “I’m smarter than Bill Pullman” Goldblum isn’t nearly as quick to commit to the project which means he’s probably going to demand a big paycheck to come back. As I reported a short while back, master storyteller Dean Devlin is currently writing the script and has gone on the record uttering some nonsense about the story being based on 9/11. Personally, I think they should do a sequel consisting of nothing but Jeff Goldblum standing on-screen for 2 hours trying to fill in the mothership-sized plotholes of the first film.
Creature Corner reports that screenwriter Kevin Williamson and director Wes Craven, the duo responsible for SCREAM, will be joining forces once again to make CURSED, a werewolf film set in Los Angeles. Dimension is fast tracking the film at breakneck speed because the film has only just been announced and yet it is already scheduled for release on August 8, 2003. Well, cross you fingers and hope for the best, but remember this is also coming to us from the writer of I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER so all bets are off.
Speaking of werewolf movies, Variety reports that Warner Brothers has optioned the werewolf novel, BITTEN, which is about a female lycanthrope who learns to suppress her wolfy ways to become a part of human society only to find herself returning to her Canadian wolf pack when "rogue werewolves" start pulling criminals into their group. They’ve already slated Angelina Jolie to star. Taking into account the sheer number of werewolf related films reportedly in development in Hollywood, I believe this one clocks in around 4,276. It really is getting rather ridiculous.
Numerous sources report that DIRTY DANCING 2 will begin shooting next year. It will be a prequel set in Cuba in 1959 with a predominantly Latino cast. Sounds more like a prequel to LAMBADA: THE FORBIDDEN DANCE.
Speaking of Cuba, CHUD reports that the career of Cuba Gooding Jr. continues to sink faster than the box office of the new Madonna flick. Seems the Oscar winner is currently in talks to star in DON CORNELIUS, which won’t be a biopic of the Soul Train host, but the tale of a mild-mannered accountant who learns that his father was actually a mob boss. Think CORKY ROMANO with a black guy and you got the idea and probably also have an inkling of just how unfunny it will most certainly be. I guess Cuba will do anything as long as they show him the money.
Are you ready for DALLAS: THE MOVIE? E! Online reports that the primetime soap about a filthy rich family of Texas oil magnates is the latest TV show to be getting the big screen treatment. If Hollywood truly insists that this movie be made, I insist they cast Tommy Lee Jones as JR Ewing. Hey, why not?
In the strangest bit of news I’ve heard in some time, Dark Horizons reports of a rumor that CUJO 2, to star Dee Wallace Stone and Gary Busey, will be released direct-to-video sometime in 2003. I hope it is just a rumor because there is simply no logical reason to make a sequel to this film, let alone make one nearly 20 years later.
ABC, that bastion of quality programming, is looking to get into the superhero business as they are developing a pilot based on DC Comics’ Starman character. According to Sci-Fi Wire, like the actual comic, the show will center on a 25-year-old former slacker who is forced to become a superhero after his brother, the former Starman, is mysteriously killed. "Of all the superhero properties out there to make TV shows about, why Starman?" Would it shock you to know that the same folks producing this one are the same people behind Smallville and Birds of Prey? For the Almost Broadcast Network’s sake, they better hope it’s better than the last show entitled Starman that they broadcast or, at the very least, better than Once A Hero, the last superhero show they attempted.
Speaking of Birds of Prey, The Hollywood Reporter indicates that the WB has already picked up the show for a full season, which means it’ll get at least 20 more chances to not suck. After those 70 minutes I wasted last week, I know I won’t be watching to find out.
Speaking of the WB, are you ready for Young MacGyver? The network with its firmly clenched around the throats of America’s youth has come up with a brilliant idea – a show about MacGyver’s genius nephew who gets recruited to the same group as his uncle was and proceeds to defeat bad guys worldwide. Hey, I’ve got an idea. How about Young Ohara? Remember that ABC cop show that ran for like a year with Pat Morita basically doing an Asian Barnaby Jones? No? Nevermind then! One question still remains, where does this leave the big screen movie based on the Macgyver series that’s supposed to be in development?
Finally, is it a pteradactyl? Is it the thunderbird? Is it Gyaos? Is it some new species? Is it a hoax? Is it an optical illusion? Read for yourself about a giant, winged creature that has been sighted in the Alaskan skies recently.
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 12:25 PM | Comments
Wednesday, October 16, 2002
Misty Mundae's latest movies, Vampire Vixen (a.k.a. Vampire's Seduction 2) and her directing debut/remake of Lustful Addiction, are now available for viewing at movieflix.com. Enjoy, I think.
Want to have a say in the next Halloween sequel? Want to pretend that you do? I though you would. Well go to www.halloweenmovies.com and check out the film series page. There is a list of questions and an e-mail address to let them know what you think or ideas you may have. BE NICE!!!
Well, those meddling kids and their munchies plagued, cowardly pooch are coming back again...and again. Although Scooby-Doo 2 is planned for a 2004 release, a closing chapter in the trilogy is already in the planning stages. Cinescape reports that the franchise-friendly Jetsons screenwriting team of Dan Foreman and Paul Foley will develop the script. Zoinks!
–Chad H. "Chadzilla" Saxelid
posted by Christopher 1:20 PM | Comments
Tuesday, October 15, 2002
What idiots run the studios? David Twohy's haunted submarine thriller BELOW is currently in limited release, supposedly it will open wider on October 18th. Let's hope so, as this thriller is some very good word of mouth. Dimension Pictures has done zilch with this movie, Twohy had to do what he did with Pitch Black, basically make his own website and hype.
Robert Harmon, director of the cult hit The Hitcher, must be shaking his his head in disbelief. His latest thriller They (which revolves around night terrors and the effects they have) has been retitled Wes Craven Presents THEY. The reason Mr. Harmon should be shaking his head is because Mr. Craven had NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH MAKING THE MOVIE!
No wonder Forrest J. Ackerman calls it HOLLYWEIRD.
–Chad H. "Chadzilla" Saxelid
posted by Christopher 7:40 AM | Comments
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