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Friday, September 20, 2002
Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea…let’s go to press!
Today marks the opening of the new action flick BALLISTIC: ECKS VS. SEVER although reading the reviews makes it sound like a better title would have been CHILL FACTOR 2. As I am writing this, the Antonio Banderas/Lucy Lui flick’s score over at Rotten Tomatoes is a whopping 39 negative, 0 positive which puts it well on the way to entering into CHILL FACTOR territory as one of the worst reviewed movie’s ever at Rotten Tomatoes. Perhaps BALLISTIC’s director Kaos might want to consider changing his pretentious name to Hack?
Crouching Tiger, Seven Dwarves? Well, not exactly. In case you haven’t heard about it since it has been reported all over the internet the last couple of days, Disney is planning a kung fu retelling of the classic tale of Snow White & The Seven Dwarves only with seven Shaolin monks in place of midgets. While this would normally be something that I would consider extremely dopey, but since it will be the American directorial debut of Hong Kong martial arts master Yuen Woo Ping so there may be hope after all. Ping is most notable as the director of the amazing IRON MONKEY, the choreographer for the fights in CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON and THE MATRIX and Tarantino’s forthcoming KILL BILL, in addition to countless Hong Kong martial arts movies. One thing’s for certain, with Ping at the helm, even if the script is terrible, it certainly won’t be a movie that will make audiences sleepy. I’m a huge fan of Ping’s work so I really hope he can pull this one off and not have his American career end up in the same toilet as John Woo’s and Ringo Lam’s because that would make me very grumpy.
Did you catch THE RATS last night on Fox? Me neither. Guess we’ll have to wait for the DVD to come out on October 15th.
Speaking of DVD’s the world can’t wait for…RETURN TO THE BLUE LAGOON makes its triumphant digital debut on November 5th. Sadly, the movie won’t feature any extras and that’s a shame because I was so hoping for a commentary track. Damn!
Fangoria reports that the best and, for that matter, the only (unless you count TREMORS) killer worm movie, SQUIRM, will be getting the DVD treatment sometime in 2003. This extra special edition will feature the never before seen R-rated cut of the film as well as audio commentary by the film’s director, Jeff Lieberman. Lieberman also tells Fangoria that he’s looking for financiers to back a sequel to the 26 year-old horror flick. “It centers on these ‘worm people’ who are living in a dump. They only come out at night, because they’re infested with worms—they’re the survivors of the original invasion. It’s sort of like a parable of AIDS, because these people are outcasts, and a TV reporter goes down after all these years to see if it’s folklore or fiction, and she gets involved in this horrible story. These people go in for morphine treatments, where they’re strapped down and people pull the worms out of them with forceps. And after they can’t be treated any more, they’re banished to this dump. It’s a whole other level of SQUIRM-ness.” Well, I think we can all pretty much rest assured that sequel will never get made, but if it did, safe to say it would register very high on “ICK!” scale.
Forget American Idol! Here’ comes American Candidate! In conclusive proof that reality television has finally reached its peak of absolute absurdity, the Fox Network’s red headed stepchild, FX, is planning an American Idol style contest where the winner will receive financing for a Presidential campaign. You think I’m joking? Head over to the Drudge Report and read all the dirty details for yourself.
The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that Nicole Kidman is in talks to star in the big screen adaptation of BEWITCHED and that Mike Meyers is the top choice for the role of Darren. Even if it is just a movie, am I really the only one who has a hard time even envisioning Nicole Kidman and Mike Meyers as husband and wife?
In the “Dear God, No!” department today, Moviehole did an interview with Steve Guttenberg in which he hinted at the possibility of another POLICE ACADEMY sequel/spin-off based around the Mahoney character he played. You know - the Mahoney character that Guttenberg played in four of franchise’s films until he decided he was ready to move onto bigger and better things? I would say something along the lines of, “Oh, how the mighty have fallen,” but that would indicate that Steve Guttenberg was at one time mighty. Seeing as how this franchise seems to have been long since put out to pasture, I suspect this was just wishful thinking on Guttenberg’s part much like Lance Guest’s talk of another JAWS sequel.
Finally, if you head over to Creature Corner anytime soon, you can read an abbreviated version of my NOWFF site FANGS review that I did for them. One little problem though. For some reason, the final total for the film was 1-and-a-half Jims (their version of stars) instead of the half Jim it was supposed to be. I notified them and they promised they’d change it sometime this evening. I hope so because I don’t want anyone getting the impression that there’s anything redeeming about FANGS whatsoever. I also managed to work in a plug for this site, so that should keep the mads at Stomp 13 happy, especially Internet’s Chris.
Remember, only 77 more days until SHARK ATTACK 3: MEGALODON hits video store shelves!
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 11:05 AM | Comments
The official site of Joe Bob Briggs has announced that Briggs will provide a commentary track for the Elite's new "Millennium Edition" DVD release of I Spit on Your Grave. This "bonus" track will supplement the primary commentary track by director Meir Zarchi. Disc is set for release on November 26, 2002 and will the MSRP is $25, so you can expect it to be available on the street for just under twenty bucks. The Elite Entertainment site has additional details.
posted by Christopher 8:10 AM | Comments
Wednesday, September 18, 2002
Now here is something worth reporting! The Fangoria website quotes genre icon Larry Cohen that he and the WB are in talks about doing a remake of It's Alive, Cohen mutant killer baby movie. Cohen (and I agree) feels with all the talk of cloning and genetics going on, the time might be right to present another version of his seminal film. The site also announces that Happy Cloud Pictures has finished its second feature, the horror comedy short WERE-GRRL. Debbie Rochon stars. And sucky Deanzilla designer Patrick Tatopoulos is creating effects for the Len Wiseman directed movie UNDERWORLD, which is described as a chiller about a vampire and werewolf from warring clans that fall in love. Great, Romeo and Juliet with fangs.
The other day Cinescape announced that the rumors were indeed true, Brett (Rush Hour, Red Dragon) Ratner is directing Superman, no word on who will be donning the cape. (Actually, Coming Attractions reports that Keanu Reeves has been tapped for the role. Make of that what you will, dude. –Ed.)
Misty Mundae's webpage posted a new interview with the soft porn parody/fetish short actress/director/college student. Her newest release is something called LUSTFUL ADDICTION.
September 26th is fast approaching, and that means Tom Savini's TERRORMANIA! The official website has some pics posted of the gruesome delights to be had. Coolness abounds, God I LOVE Halloween!
You know, that fetish video starlet reminds me that Blue Underground has been searching for a possible lost "nude bondage scene" from Jess Franco's The Blood of Fu Manchu featuring Maria Rohm. Long thought to be simple publicity photos, someone, somewhere got the idea that, just maybe, the shots were struck from film negative of a deleted scene. If you have info, contact Blue Underground British wing at maria-in-peril@cineserve.co.uk. Complete details, with photos, can be found on Blue Underground's news page.
More news as I find it,
–Chad H. "Chadzilla" Saxelid
posted by Christopher 11:33 AM | Comments
Tuesday, September 17, 2002
If you're like me, the amount of time you'll have to watch bad movies will be seriously reduced by the Fall TV season, which starts up this week. I also imagine you'll be mostly interested in the genre-related stuff: Klingons, vampires, space hookers. Get a look at what lies in store for you each night in the new Diary of a Tuber column over at Stomp Tokyo. Go on, now. Git!
posted by Christopher 2:10 PM | Comments
Monday, September 16, 2002
Live long, prosper: the life of "Bill" Shatner
This fascinating article by Robert Wilonsky in the Kansas Pitch weekly is a look into the mind and life of b-movie staple and Star Trek captain William Shatner. It also mentions the existence of his new book I'm Working On That, about Trek technology in the everyday world, and a new DVD "called Mind Meld in which he shares Trek tales with Leonard Nimoy." Strangest of all, perhaps, is Groom Lake, a film written and directed by Shatner, shot on digital video, and starring Dick Van Patten! Classic Kirk fans: click on through.
posted by Christopher 11:32 AM | Comments
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