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Friday, September 13, 2002
"I'm okay with it, but it'll be a drag if I don't make it till the next James Bond movie comes out."
That's how Warren Zevon is quoted when asked about his inoperable and terminal lung cancer. The singer/songwriter is most famous for the hit song "Werewolves of London."
Can't add more than that.
–Chad H. "Chadzilla" Saxelid
posted by Christopher 12:30 PM | Comments
Happy Friday The 13th, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy! Contrary to what Chadzilla said yesterday, all is not quiet in the land schlock as this is going to be a loaded update . . . so let’s go to press!
Just one week after learning that the world would be scourged by yet another LEPRECHAUN sequel, Dark Horizons reports that CHILDREN OF THE CORN 8 is about to begin shooting. No further details on the film are known at this time. Hey, no further details are wanted! The CHILDREN OF THE CORN franchise must be trying to outdo the WITCHCRAFT franchise for the record of most unwanted sequels.
Rapidly nipping at their heels is the AIR BUD franchise of which the 5th installment is about to begin shooting in the Great White North. Entitled AIR BUD 5: BUDDY STRIKES BACK, the title pooch will now take on the sport of volleyball. I think they’re starting to run out of sports for the dog to become an expert at. Maybe part 6 will have the dog becoming a world class skeet shooter? I’d pay to see that. While I’m speaking of animal athletes, the latest chimpanzee knock-off of this franchise is currently shooting in Vancouver as we speak. MOST VALUBLE PRIMATE 3 will feature a snowboarding simian. I wouldn’t pay to see that.
While we’re on the subject of dead film franchises that someone in Hollywood is stupid enough to consider reviving, Dark Horizons has two brief blurbs about a sequel and a spin-off nobody in their right mind would want to see. The first comes from the lips of comedian Louie Anderson who says he has spoken with Chevy Chase and Rodney Dangerfield about the prospects of a CADDYSHACK 3. The only thing story-wise he spoke of is that it will completely ignore the horrendous CADDYSHACK 2 and serve as a direct sequel. Oh, sure, like moviegoers are actually going to bitch about the lack of continuity between CADDYSHACK sequels! Then there’s Randy Quaid who, in an interview this week, horrified the cinema world with the possibility of spin-off of the dead and buried NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VACATION series focusing entirely on the white trash antics of Quaid’s “Cousin Eddie” character. A road trip comedy centering on an obnoxious white trash protagonist? It’s been done, Randy. It was called JOE DIRT and it sucked then too.
Did you like the 1993 Tom Berenger/Billy Zane action flick SNIPER? Do you even remember the 1993 Tom Berenger/Billy Zane action flick SNIPER? Well, Berenger’s back, but Zane’s been replaced by Bokeem Woodbine in the forthcoming sequel SNIPER 2. While I actually enjoyed SNIPER, I don’t think there was a clamoring for a sequel, let alone one that took almost a decade to make. On the plus side, the sequel is being directed by Craig (I COME IN PEACE/STONE COLD) Baxley, so one can take comfort that it will at least seem like a professional production as opposed to those endless low-rent THE SUBSTITUTE sequels that clutter video store shelves. One can only suspect that SNIPER is being resurrected in order to become the latest cheap, direct-to-video action franchise with many more sequels to come. How ironic would it be if Tom Berenger got replaced by Treat Williams in future sequels?
Universal has finished filming the predominately African-American thriller TARA about a band of people having to fight for their lives when a horde of vicious rats invade their small town. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that the film’s title is derived from the name of the town. No release date has been announced yet, but probably 2003.
Full Moon Pictures has another bun in the oven. Shooting begins in February 2003 on GINGER DEADMAN, which returns the film company to their roots of miniature monsters. I have to give them credit on this one because it has the most joyfully ludicrous horror movie premise I’ve heard in a long, long time. After three murderers are executed, their remains somehow wind up in cookie dough and they return to life as psychopathic pastries. I will pay to see that! I sat through two JACK FROST movies so I know I can endure a flick about killer cookies.
SEDUCTION CINEMA has wrapped shooting on their latest softcore opus entitled THE LORD OF THE G-STRING: FEMALESHIP OF THE RING. Seriously, that’s the title. Set against a fantasy backdrop, the movie concerns a race of females called The Throbbits who set out on a quest to destroy the all-powerful G-String and have lots and lots of slow-motion sex scenes along the way. A video release is already planned for October. Shouldn’t Chadzilla being reporting this? I thought he was the pervert…I mean expert on the film works of Misty Mundae?
Fangoria has announced that the official title for that EXORCIST prequel about to begin filming is EXORCIST: THE BEGINNING. Could they come up with something a little less generic? I hope the movie is as good as MISSING IN ACTION 2: THE BEGINNING and PSYCHO IV: THE BEGINNING.
CHUD has a terrifying news item about Fox contemplating a big screen movie based on their hit reality show American Idol. The idea being bounced about is to make a fictional film starring that girl who won the contest and the Sideshow Bob lookalike who came in second. First of all, that’s just a horrible idea to begin with. Jerry Springer’s RINGMASTER and THE GONG SHOW MOVIE are two perfect examples of why a movie like this is guaranteed to fail and fail miserably. Secondly, just because someone can sing doesn’t mean they can act – otherwise Sting would have one an Oscar by now and GLITTER would have been a critically acclaimed hit. Third, it’s a just a horrible, horrible idea for a movie. Keep your fingers crossed that this idea never meets fruition.
So I’m listening to the radio and the station I’m listening to was reporting some Hollywood news items. One of them sounded like perfect fodder for this site. As many of you know by now, one of the biggest trends in Hollywood of late is to buy up the rights to foreign films (particularly Asian horror movies) so that they can be immediately remade by Hollywood and, in the process, ensuring that nobody else in the U.S. can pick up the rights to distribute the original on video/dvd in the states. Well, Miramax, whose been making a bad habit of this practice of late, wasted no time snatching up the remake rights to a French comedy called 18 YEARS LATER that hasn’t even been released over there yet. 18 YEARS LATER is actually a sequel to a hit French 80s comedy called THREE MEN & A CRADLE. You may have heard of the American remake of that comedy called THREE MEN AND A BABY. That’s right! It looks like Tom Selleck, Ted Dansen, and Steve Guttenberg will probably be returning to the big screen to reprise their roles as three carefree bachelors who suddenly find themself raising a baby girl who will now be a carefree 18 year old herself. Maybe it’s just me, but the comedic possibilities don’t seem as funny raising a young adult as it did when they were taking care of a baby. No word yet on whether Magnum P.I., Sam Malone, or the guy from the POLICE ACADEMY movies have been contacted yet about returning to their roles. I’m sure they’ll just be happy to be getting another shot at the silver screen. Also, no word yet on whether or not Mr. Spock will return to direct this sequel.
In the weird news item of the dayt, you know Godzilla has become a worldwide cultural icon when people start seeing images of the King of the Monsters in the flora-fauna. Clink the link and see for yourself.
http://www.sunherald.com/mld/sunherald/news/weird_news/4043913.htm
Finally today, in one of my very first reports on this site, I informed you of an upcoming video release of a low budget BATS knock-off called FANGS starring Corbin Bernsen. Even though that movie doesn’t hit video shelves until October 8th, yours truly managed to get his hands on a screener copy and has written about in his latest (Very late actually) bad movie column over at the New Orleans Worst Film Festival homepage. If you want a hint of what I thought of FANGS, just let me tell you that the title of my new column is “BAT GUANO.” Yes, I’ve seen something far, far worse than OCTOPUS 2! You can check out my review of FANGS (I think I have the first English language review of this movie online as if that’s something to be proud of!) as well as my humorous take on the entire history of “batsploitation” movies right now over at NOWFF. What are you waiting for? I said right now!
Whew! I told you there was a lot of ground to cover today!
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 10:31 AM | Comments
Thursday, September 12, 2002
RIP Kim Hunter, aka Dr. Zira
CNN and other news sources reported the death yesterday of actress Kim Hunter, the versatile actress who played the Dr. Zira in the Planet of the Apes series of films. Hunter, who was also an Academy Award-winning actress for her supporting role as Stella in the 1951 film A Streetcar Named Desire, died at 79 of an apparent heart attack.
Although she will be most remembered for her portrayal of the vivacious Dr. Zira, Hunter was also in several memorable film and TV projects held dear by b-movie aficionados, including The Seventh Victim, When Strangers Marry, That Was the Week That Was, Bad Ronald, and Dark August. A year after Streetcar she was blacklisted from films and television, despite the fact that she was never a communist or even associated with communist groups. Various biographers, including those at the IMDb, credit her strong civil rights views as the reason for her blacklisting, but also as the reason that many of her colleagues were able to return to work in the early '60s. Kim Hunter will be missed by family, friends, and fans alike.
posted by Christopher 7:13 AM | Comments
It's kind of quiet in b-movieland. Cinescape reports that the 'troubled' Brad Renfro has left Jason Versus Freddy. Jason (Swimfan) Ritter is replacing the departed star. Still no news on who is playing Jason.
Now that K-19: The Widowmaker has officially tanked at the box office, star Harrison Ford is talking up what a go project Indiana Jones 4 will be. No news whether his skeletal squeeze will be gracing the proceedings. While on the subject of George Lucas productions, Star Wars Episode II will be released in the IMAX format on November 1st, scant weeks before the movie hits video.
Looks like the Escape from New York franchise isn't the only thing going anime. The recently cancelled Farscape just might get translated into a feature length anime movie as well, or so hope series creator Rockne S. O'Bannon and the powers that be at The Henson Co., who produced the former hit series.
So just who do you get when the budget for your movie is too small for George A. Romero? Why John Carl Buechler, that's who. The FX/movie director is now at the helm of the zombie thriller Red Eye, about a late night plane flight (hence the title) that is struck by lightning and said energy burst then reanimates the corpses of two serial killers who proceed to terrorize the passengers. I hazard a bet that departing with Romero is any and all socio-political commentary in regards to the hijackings of 9/11.
And the killer tooth fairy movie, which as had its title changed from Don't Peek to The Ghost of Matilda Dixon to Fear of the Dark is now being called Darkness Falls. The Revolution Studios production is currently slated for a January 31, 2003 release.
–Chad H. "Chadzilla" Saxelid
posted by Christopher 4:37 AM | Comments
Tuesday, September 10, 2002
The new DVD releases section has been updated through September 17.
posted by Christopher 1:55 PM | Comments
The Official Mystery Science Theater 3000 Info Club site (www.mst3kinfo.com) has a Dragon*Con 2002 wrap-up. Find out the latest news about Mike Nelson and Kevin "Tom Servo" Murphy and what they did Labor Day weekend.
posted by Christopher 8:35 AM | Comments
Monday, September 09, 2002
Good evening, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the geeks at sea . . . let’s go to press!
Farscape . . . cancelled. Witchblade . . . cancelled. Futurama . . . no longer in production. Mutant X . . . still going strong. What is wrong with this picture?
SWIMFAN is the #1 movie in the country? All is not right in the world.
Warner Brothers has opened the website for their upcoming Halloween horror flick GHOST SHIP. It’s from the director of last year’s stinker 13 GHOSTS and the producers of last week’s stinker FEARDOTCOM. I’ll say this for GHOST SHIP. It’ll have to be really, really, really terrible to look bad next to those two cinematic abortions.
Dark Horizons has some quotes from an interview Vin Diesel did while promoting XXX in Australia. One blurb in particular deserves special mention. "Nicole Kidman and I are talking about doing a remake of GUYS AND DOLLS. This is something I have always wanted to do. She would be the perfect person for it". Vin Diesel in a musical! Vin Diesel in a musical? Vin Diesel and Nicole Kidman starring in a remake of GUYS AND DOLLS? What’s next – The Rock and Ashley Judd starring in a big screen version of CATS or Steven Seagal and Gwyneth Paltrow in a remake of SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN?
Moviehole (www.moviehole.net) reports that Amanda Plummer and Lance Henriksen have signed on to star in the highly anticipated by no one MIMIC 3. Lance, please, I’m begging you, get a new agent!
Speaking of beating a dead horse, the IMDB has a listing for HIGHLANDER: THE SOURCE. Numerous sites online confirm that yet another one is in the works and that HIGHLANDER’s original director, Russell Mulcahy, is returning to the franchise he helped give life to. Perhaps that is what the subtitle “THE SOURCE” refers to? Before anyone gets too excited that maybe Mulcahy being at the helm might help revive the franchise, let’s not forget he is also the man responsible for HIGHLANDER 2: THE QUICKENING, which is one of the worst movies ever made regardless of which version of the film you see. Dark Horizons reports filming will probably begin in early 2003.
On September 11th, practically every network will be running round the clock commemorations of the one-year anniversary of last year’s terrorist attacks. But not the USA Network! There will be no somber memorial services or news coverage on USA that night. Instead, they will be putting on a double feature of two movies that are truly dogs and I mean that both figuratively and literally. First up is BLACK DOG, the Patrick Swayze vs. Meatloaf blue-collar, truck drivin’ action flick where lots of vehicles crash and explode as often as possible. After that, you can sit back and take in the agony that is TOP DOG, the buddy cop comedy starring Chuck Norris and (DUH!) a dog that’s actually succeeds at being infinitely worse than TURNER & HOOCH, K-9, and K-9000. I should add that TOP DOG is no stranger to tragic events as the film, which is about Chuck Norris and police dog trying to stop a group of domestic terrorists from blowing up a federal building in Oklahoma, opened up on the Friday following the Oklahoma City Bombing. Gee, I wonder why the movie (I swear that no pun is intended!) bombed at the box office? So, if you find yourself looking for an escape from the 24/7 9-11 coverage, the USA Network has a bad movie double feature alternative.
Finally, Dark Horizons today has a plug for some new book called Reel Shame. From what little information I’ve been able to gather, the book is about bad movies and the Hollywood stars who made them. If anyone out there has managed to uncover any further information about this mysterious new bad movie book I ask that you please pass it along to the folks in charge of this website because this definitely sounds like something worth checking into.
(You're a real comedian, Scott. But thanks for mentioning it. –Ed.)
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 7:19 AM | Comments
Sunday, September 08, 2002
Good evening, Mr. & Mrs. Fanboy and all the ships at sea . . . let's go to press!
In yet the latest sign that we are indeed living in the endtimes, Trimark Pictures has quietly begun production on the 6th and hopefully final installment in the never-ending LEPRECHAUN franchise! Yes, you heard that correctly. They really are making another one. God help us all. Fangoria reports that LEPRECHAUN: BACK IN THE HOOD will tell the tale of two girls who find the Leprechaun's gold leading to guess who showing up to wreak more magically delicious mayhem and probably bust a few rhymes along the way. I got a couple of questions. How many pots of gold does this Leprechaun have? How is it that this Leprechaun constantly loses his gold? Why is he still in the hood? Didn't the Leprechaun sequels used to at least make an attempt to place each sequel in a different setting? Is Warwick Davis truly the Kane Hodder of midget maniacs? How long until they get around to making LEPRECHAUN VS. WISHMASTER? Why are they even bothering to make this one? Who watches these movies? And of those that do, does anybody honestly enjoy them? If Trimark is dusting off this franchise yet again, should we expect another WARLOCK to begin filming sometime soon? By sarcastically asking that last question, have I all but guaranteed that another WARLOCK will now be made? Should I stop now before I ask a rhetorical question asking when a DR. GIGGLES will get made? D'OH!
A short time back I reported Brad Renfro being cast in the FREDDY VS. JASON movie and sarcastically asked if he could make it through the filming of the movie without being busted for drugs again. Well, we'll never find out because he's already been fired from the film. Creature Corner reports that the troubled young thespian has been given the boot from the production leaving them in quite a bind since shooting begins on Monday. No word yet on exactly why Refro was canned so let the rumor mongering begin. Considering production begins in a matter of hours, there should be plenty of info regarding the departure and replacement of Renfro in the coming days.
HARV THE BARBARIAN, that's the title of the next Rob Schneider alleged comedy to begin production soon. The former Saturday Night Live funnyman (actually, that was the last time he was funny) plays the title role in this CONAN spoof, which is being written by (Surprise!) some ex-SNL writers. Upcoming Movies has more details of this film that Dreamworks hopes will be the first of a new franchise. Personally, if I want to watch an unfunny CONAN parody, I'll just wait for THE SCORPION KING to come out on DVD.
Seems the producers of the upcoming TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake are trying to generate some buzz by keeping the identity of the actor portraying Leatherface a secret. Kinda dopey if you ask me. Anyway, Fangoria and Coming Attactions have both been doing some detective work based on the vague clues given by the film's producers. Here's what we know: he's a musclebound and ponytailed veteran of the silver and small screens and think of the movie UNIVERSAL SOLDIER. Actually, I'd rather not think about UNIVERSAL SOLDIER. Anyway, it should be no surprise that quite a few people are guessing that the man wielding the chainsaw is none other than Dolph Lundgren, but nothing has been confirmed. Using the clues, the only other possibilities would be Jean Claude Van Damme (Too small.), Tiny Lister (No ponytail. No hair period.), and Ralph Moeller. Personally, I have a suspicion that it is Mr. Moeller and not Lundgren simply because I think he could exude more of a sense of menace playing an insane madman who grunts and screams a lot. I can't see Lundgren playing that part well because on the charisma scale, he ranks only a few notches higher than Olivier Grunier. I'm sure you've seen some Dolph Lundgren movies so you know he tends to be pretty low key and not all that excitable. Still, I don't understand why they would keep it a secret if it wasn't Lundgren because it's not like people would be a surprised to learn that Ralph Moeller was playing the part because the majority of people have no idea who the heck he is. I guess the fact that I've spent this much space pontificating this little bit of trivia about a movie that I don't give a damn about and most everyone else is dreading means the producers have succeeded with their little guessing game.
–Scott Foy
posted by Christopher 10:30 AM | Comments
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